The Diary of a Wisconsin Snow Shoveler

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by TheOLDNewChick, Mar 8, 2008.

  1. TheOLDNewChick

    TheOLDNewChick I'm an original

    Jun 12, 2007
    Tioga, Louisiana
    The Diary of a Wisconsin Snow Shoveler

    December 8
    6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

    December 9
    We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

    December 12
    The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

    December 14
    Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!
    The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.

    December 15
    20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer.
    The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

    December 16
    Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hu rt like heck. The wife laughed for one hour, which I think was very cruel.

    December 17
    Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
    Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

    December 20
    Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the dang stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Darn snowplow came by twice.
    Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

    December 22
    Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to go to the bathroom. By the time I got undressed, went to the bathroom and got dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the jerk is lying.

    December 23
    Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

    December 24
    6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the man who drives that snowplow I'll drag him through the snow by his nose and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been!
    Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the snowplow.

    December 25
    Merry -bleeping- Christmas! 20 more inches of the slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's crazy. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

    January 5
    Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

    January 7
    Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1400 to replace all my pipes.

    January 14
    Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE WITCH is driving me crazy!!!

    January 25
    10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

    February 2
    Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver he is now suing me for a million dollars not only the beating I gave him but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up where the sun don't shine. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

    February 12
    I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

    February 13
    Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
     
  2. Farmer Kitty

    Farmer Kitty Flock Mistress

    Sep 18, 2007
    Wisconsin
    The should change the color of the pills. Enough white stuff already! I'm more than ready for spring!
     
  3. jkcove08

    jkcove08 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Apr 12, 2007
    Iowa
    ALRIGHT, WHO has been spying on me again!!!!!! I certainly have to feel for this poor sap.. The worst thing is that certainly could be happening instead of a cute little rant about snow. Isnt it amazing how giddy we get at the first snow and then how we dispise it by the end of winter... Jenn
     
  4. jab91864

    jab91864 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Apr 3, 2007
    Northern Michigan
    I hate the first snow too. I just hate the last snow more than the first.

    Julie [​IMG]
     
  5. Wildsky

    Wildsky Wild Egg!

    11,973
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    Oct 13, 2007
    California
    [​IMG]
     

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