The Zen of Sarcasm

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by BeckyLa, Jan 14, 2009.

  1. BeckyLa

    BeckyLa Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jan 11, 2007
    N. Louisiana
    The Zen of Sarcasm

    1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I
    may not follow Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me
    alone.

    2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky
    tire.

    3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
    neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

    4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
    promoted.

    5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

    6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

    7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car
    payments.

    8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

    9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

    10.Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

    11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

    12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

    13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

    14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

    15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

    16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

    17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and
    a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

    18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

    19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

    20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

    21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

    AND

    22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
     
  2. Redfeathers

    Redfeathers Chillin' With My Peeps

    Oct 11, 2007
    Gervais OR
    Those are all so true!!
     
  3. Wildsky

    Wildsky Wild Egg!

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  4. Buff Hooligans

    Buff Hooligans Scrambled

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    Jun 11, 2007
    I like a good, down-to-earth assessment of life. I do believe I'll print that list right this moment.
     
  5. congdon476

    congdon476 GaLLiNa LOcA

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    Pueblo Area
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    I'm passing this list along to my friends! Thanks for the morning laughter.
     
  6. Ec_Prokta

    Ec_Prokta Continuum Shift Anomaly

    Jan 14, 2009
    [​IMG]:lau:lau:lau:lau:lau:lau:lau:lau LOL!
     
  7. wegotchickens

    wegotchickens DownSouth D'Uccles & Silkies

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    Jul 5, 2007
    Sevier County, TN
    My teenage daughter lives by quote #1 [​IMG]
     
  8. mjdtexan

    mjdtexan Chillin' With My Peeps

    Sep 30, 2008
    Houston(ish)
    Quote:Number 15 is good advice

    Quote:Thats just funny right there.
     
  9. Beau coop

    Beau coop Chillin' With My Peeps

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  10. havi

    havi [IMG]emojione/assets/png/2665.png?v=2.2.7[/IMG] Si

    Mar 23, 2008
    Waco, Texas
    I've always like number 5


    Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.




    Not to hijack your thread or anything, but number 22 reminds me of the joke about the cough syrup. Too funny!! [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     

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