THIS is GREAT!!!

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by justusnak, Mar 27, 2008.

  1. justusnak

    justusnak Flock Mistress

    A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.

    By Shannon Popkin

    My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it
    quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in the library, the
    grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment on how clearly
    he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to
    turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked. There've been several
    embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been
    masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than
    last week at Costco.

    Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me
    into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that
    evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the
    last stall:
    'Mommy, are you gonna go potty?
    Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy?
    Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now?
    Mommy, what are you doing?
    Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?'
    At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the
    bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5? Maybe we
    could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this
    stall and reveal my identity. Cade continued:
    'Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you?
    Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy!
    Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty?
    Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy!
    Oh ... Mommy! I'm trying to see In dere.
    Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some
    candy!'
    I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me.
    Where is a screaming new born when you need her?
    Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a
    long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, 'Why don't you look
    in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have some!'
    'No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies.
    Oh! Mommy!'
    He started to gag at this point.
    'Uh - oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up.
    Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!!
    Dat is so gross!!'
    As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I quickly
    flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to reason with
    myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be
    reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will
    be long gone.
    'Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going
    stinkies! Get up! Get up!'
    He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear full-blown
    laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door.
    'Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy?
    You wooking under da door?
    What were you wooking at?
    Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?'
    More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the
    situation.
    'Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy.'
    He started pounding on the door. 'Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands?
    I want to go out!!'
    I saw that my 'wait 'em out' plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened the
    door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded
    around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud.
    My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, 'Where's the
    fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my
    dignity and privacy?' But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while
    he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign
    it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.
    (Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three. She lives with
    her family in Grand Rapids , Michigan , where she no longer uses public
    restrooms)
     
  2. chicken_boy_Kurt

    chicken_boy_Kurt Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 20, 2008
    Funny. How embarrasing.
     
  3. hypnofrogstevie

    hypnofrogstevie chick magnet

    Jul 12, 2007
    Newton NJ
    LOL. That was great!
     
  4. d.k

    d.k red-headed stepchild

    [​IMG] lol!! I've got one ALMOST as good as that, but my now 26 y/o son would put out a contract on me if ever saw it o/l!!!! [​IMG]
     
  5. piecemaker

    piecemaker Chillin' With My Peeps

    Feb 12, 2008
    Centerville Texas
    to cute
     
  6. chickenranchwife

    chickenranchwife Chillin' With My Peeps

    That was good. That would be embarrassing. Very cute.[​IMG]
     
  7. ilovemychickies

    ilovemychickies Chillin' With My Peeps

    That's funny! [​IMG]
     
  8. Sunny Chook Farm

    Sunny Chook Farm Chillin' With My Peeps

    290
    0
    129
    Jan 23, 2008
    Funny... [​IMG]
     
  9. eggzettera

    eggzettera Chillin' With My Peeps

    Well, I never look at you the same way again..... JK..... to admit that on a public forum, you are bullet proof! [​IMG]
     
  10. justusnak

    justusnak Flock Mistress

    Oh no, that wasn't ME! [​IMG] I received that in an E Mail. My "baby" is 25 yrs old! LOL
     

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