Those abominable bragging Christmas letters !

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by Buff Hooligans, Oct 20, 2008.

  1. Buff Hooligans

    Buff Hooligans Scrambled

    Jun 11, 2007
    Yes, we actually got one this past weekend. I think they just wanted to beat the crowds and get all the attention for themselves.

    These are people I haven't seen for over 15 years, and very rarely before then at that. But they just couldn't resist the urge to brag on and on about their kids' achievements and brilliance and about the fabulous trips they've all taken. I don't know why I expected a tiny bit of humility to break in there to mitigate the letter's egocentricity. When I finished it, I was just stupified.

    But then I decided to write a letter of my own:

    Yes, it’s that time of year again for family newsletters. We adore you all and just want to tell you all about our little family and all the fabulous things we’ve been doing this past year.

    The wave of super-achievement started when my handsome and brilliant husband won the Brush of the Year award from his company’s painting department. Although his skills are too numerous to list, apparently his blending of brushmarks and roller marks was the best in the company. He’s been so sweetly modest about it. We are ignoring the neighbor’s complaints about the neon yard sign he had made of the award plaque. They are jealous.

    Our darling kitties are as magnificent as ever. They have not once missed the litterbox the whole year. Everyone who visits falls in love with their good looks and charm. Well except for that unfortunate incident with the visiting pastor who had terrier scent on his shoes.

    Little Pumpkin won America’s Next Top Broody this year. She’s such an overachiever in this regard. We’re expecting a call from a major hatchery agency any day now. She’s sure to be in demand for her exemplary fluffiness and poetic broody voicings. If that talent weren’t enough for any one hen, she also took the first place in our town’s Cluck-Off contest held in conjunction with the Oyster Shuck-Off festival this past weekend. It was quite the victory! She loves telling strangers to cluck off.

    Sweetness has been having issues with moulting lately. “Trainwreck” would best describe her, which is damaging her self-esteem, especially since she was booked to be on the cover of Chick Magnet & Homesteading magazine this month. She is going to hunt down and peck the floozy Buff Cochin who took her place. She did get booked for a photo shoot for Mega-Moult Chicks calendar. Look for her as the almost naked Miss October.

    Miss Floppy and Biscuit are both taking Advanced Treat-Snatching in their online college curriculum (Coop-er University). Who knew when they were just cute little chicks that they had such commanding potential? I’m sure my never-ending supply of study material had nothing to do with it. I am trying not to be a stage mother, but it’s so hard when my girls are obviously so superior to all those other chicks who are just starting Oatmeal 101.

    We all went to Paris to celebrate the girls' birthday (I mean hatch-day). They loved the escargot and intriguing things the French do with fruits and cheeses. They all weigh several more ounces when we returned. But not me. I'm still the same size 00 I've been since Harvard cheerleading captain days. But back to the girls - they loved Paris and Tuscany, although they had trouble understanding those strangely accented foreign chickens. We now know that the poultry are so unsophisticated here at home. But our girls try to rise above their common surroundings the best they can. And shouldn't we all.

    Well, that’s our humble little news from our humble little lives. It’s so good to be humble.

    Very sincerely,
    The Buff Hooligans Family
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2008
  2. Mrs MIA

    Mrs MIA Chick Magnet

    Mar 3, 2008
  3. KellyHM

    KellyHM Overrun With Chickens

    Sep 10, 2008
    Lakeland, FL
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
  4. miss_jayne

    miss_jayne Lady_Jayne

    Jun 26, 2008
    Columbiaville, MI
    that is hilarious! buff, you so crazy![​IMG]
  5. Buff Hooligans

    Buff Hooligans Scrambled

    Jun 11, 2007
    Quote:Takes one to know one!
  6. patandchickens

    patandchickens Flock Mistress

    Apr 20, 2007
    Ontario, Canada
    Of course you have to include photos memorializing the cats' ability to poo in the litterbox - wouldn't be complete without that [​IMG]

  7. miss_jayne

    miss_jayne Lady_Jayne

    Jun 26, 2008
    Columbiaville, MI
    Quote:Takes one to know one!

    you know it! crazy and proud![​IMG]

    maybe my chickens will send out their own letter for the holidays!
  8. peapickinchicks

    peapickinchicks Chillin' With My Peeps

    May 27, 2008
    Elizabethtown, KY
    I love it ![​IMG]
  9. Buff Hooligans

    Buff Hooligans Scrambled

    Jun 11, 2007
    Quote:Oh my gosh, the possibilities!
  10. Chirpy

    Chirpy Balderdash

    May 24, 2007
    I love it! [​IMG]

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