I drove back to Oklahoma yesterday. I had told myself I simply wasn't going to give up on him.
I walked into the kennel and saw my beautiful baby. My beautiful lab saw me too. I called for him...he tried to get up. He really tried. I went to the dog house to greet him. After all, 14 years old with hip dysplasia would make it hard for me to get up as well. That's when I saw it. The signal. He was trying to hide from me. To hide his pain so that I wouldn't see it and be hurt too. My beautiful, dignified dog was in pain and wasting away. I made the call.
The vet's office took him as an emergency case. I bawled the whole way there...as he laid on the blanket. Thunder never laid on anything while in the car. He had to have his head at the window...he never once attempted to get up. He couldn't. He couldn't walk or sit up on his own. We carried him inside. To his own room where we said our goodbyes. He looked at me as though he knew and wanted me to know it was for the best. I bawled for 10 minutes. Until I couldn't breathe anymore and the tears had become dry sobs. I told the vet to go ahead. Thunder was full of grace and dignity to the very end. After I thought the tears had stopped...they came even harder. I fell to the floor next to him after he had gone. I think the vet thought I had gone nuts.
We carried him back to the car...we couldn't leave him there. Leaving him there would be too hard. Instead, we brought him home to be laid to rest with the others who had gone before him. He lays peacefully between Echo, the dog that raised him, and Citra, one of the many dogs he raised.
He will always be part of me...part of my soul feels as though it's been ripped apart from the rest. I can't breathe...I can hardly think without crying. He was more than my dog. He was my partner, my best friend, my soul dog. You only get one dog in your lifetime that makes you want to find another dog like him. He would hunt with me whenever I wanted to. He'd go swim with me...he'd do "searches" for items. He helped me when nobody else could. When I was battling eating disorders in Junior High. Without him, I would not be here.
He is now with my mom, keeping her feet warm and licking her legs to let her know he's there. We almost lost him when she died 3 years ago, but he came out of his grief to greet a new dog into our lives. He raised Vida from a 2 week old puppy...raised Marley into a semi-decent dog that will still steal sandwiches from your hands if you forget he's there. I wanted him to be there when we moved to wherever we were moving to. I suppose it's more fitting that he be buried where he lived his entire life. HE chose it...just like he chose me, 14 years ago.
Rest in peace my beautiful baby. I will always love you and remember you. Even those mishaps that you'd thought I'd forgotten. I'll love you always...
Thank you all for letting me vent.
