to all premenopausal women!!! and their better halves

[chkinut]

hello girls! and hopefully hubbies and boyfriends who read this thread....it will only help you! lol! Girls, lets put our heads together and write down something that people should NOT say to a premenopausal woman. i'll give mine 1st (of course...i'm starting this thread...lol). this morning i go to wake up hubby cuz i just made some french toast with the eggs of my sweet girls.....and, i will add, it's MY birthday yet i'm making breakfast, which i was fine with....kinda...lol....anyway, i go to wake up hubby and i say "would you like to wake up now? or do you want to wake up later for breakfast?" and i guess i sounded sarcastic to him cuz he said "what's wrong with YOU?" ....and i thought i was fine, but i guess he read something into my tone....anyway...that's the 1st thing NOT to say:

1. What's wrong with YOU?

lol! now i'm laughing about it, but when someone says something like that, it only MAKES something wrong, even if there really wasn't anything wrong.....

 

[chickened]

Are those new pants? when you know they are not.

 

[welsummerchicks]

What's wrong is ok, what's wrong with you sounds like blaming the person.

What can I do to help, is even better than what's wrong.

A massage can be wonderful, so can a few hours in a dark quiet room. Romance is often very, very necessary.

Feeling attractive, feeling needed, feeling important - all are necessary.

A partner who can be patient, and calm, and understanding, is of great help. A partner who's willing to learn about the biology behind this, and read what symptoms are common, and what to expect - a partner who becomes informed, is worth a million dollars.

A partner who can listen to her describe the SAME symptoms, over and over, and nod and say, 'You poor kid', can be worth a million dollars.

One who doesn't take an outburst of irritation personally, can be worth a million dollars.

It's very important to remember that menopause and even premenopause, varies from woman to woman. One of my friends said she has felt distinctly sick, every single minute of every single day, for the last 15 years - five years before she had obvious menopause symptoms, and then ever after. She refuses to take any medication for it - she's the kind who wants to treat it naturally. Nothing has worked. She has tried every natural remedy there is.

She is either overwhelmingly cold or overwhelmingly hot, all the time. She is always physically uncomfortable. She always feels somewhat sick to her stomach. Most noise sound like fingernails on chalkboard to her. Kids playing or loud music make her want to scream. She is very often on her 'last nerve' - her emotions are exaggerated and small things can cause her to have an outburst of anger and irritation. She cries easily - laughing comes with a lot more difficulty.

She has head aches, most of the time, most days. She has the 'fatigue crashes' - she suddenly just is so exhausted she can't even keep her eyes open, she just has to go lie down and sleep. She has the lightning pains - sudden joint pains, that roam around her body and she says feel like someone just stabbed her with a hot screwdriver. She currently is sleeping about 3 hours a night, and wakes up in the middle of the night terrified, her heart pounding. When she gets hot flashes, she can't even think, they are so severe. At the same time, her heart pounds so hard she can actually feel it in her throat. She's very often confused and can't remember things she used to remember with ease. She has been terminated at her job.

Her doctor has told her that most likely, since her symptoms have lasted this long, they are likely to last the rest of her life.

I honestly, really, do not know what she is going to do. She's horribly depressed, exhausted and nervous most of the time. I worry about her a lot.

One of her friends told her this is a natural process that she should rejoice in.

Since this is a family website, I won't indicate what her reply was.

Her patner is wonderful. He simply does not take any of this personally. He actually knows a great deal about menopause and what to expect. If she gets angry he says, 'I'll take care of this right away' or 'You tell me what you need me to do', and he says, 'I'm sorry' a lot. If he forgets something for her, if he doesn't remember to open the window for her, he just says, 'I'm sorry' and he does it.

Infinite patience really helps.

He thinks his friends who complain about their wives are, well, I'll say wussies. He's got it all under control. And he's very, very proud of himself.

That's how bad it can get. In all my years I've only known 1-2 women who had such a severe menopause. Mine has not been very good - my best friend's has been a breeze. That's how different it can be.

The best thing a partner can do is recognize that each woman experiences different symptoms, to a different level of severity. Understanding each woman's unique situation helps.

Women face difficult choices as to how to treat it - there's a lot of bad PR about hormonal treatments. My suggestion is to discuss it with your doctor - what's right for you depends on your medical history and your family medical histories. If symptoms are extremely severe and nothing is helping, there are options.

 

[Dunkopf]

What did you do with my wife?

 

[Two Creeks Farm]

I geuss telling the wife that the Ramada Inn has a special rate isnt the best option LOL.

 

[chkinut]

i'm 43 and i started feeling changes when i was 38 to 39. i always had very easy periods, no cramping, no PMS, it would last 3 days and that would be IT! but now the menopausal symptoms have come, i can't escape that easily! i've always been a light sleeper, now it's worse. i've always been a positive, happy person.....now i cry at nearly everything....although i must say that after i started taking St. John's Wort, Omega 3s, and Ginko.....my mental state has GREATLY improved.....but i still am not 100% and i still cry and feel depressed sometimes. i feel physically ill too, headaches, stomach aches, sometimes nausea, cramping, tender breasts, low sex drive, and fatigue to name a few. mental symptoms are irritability, impatience, sadness, feeling like i need an extreme change in my life (moving, quitting work....i run a daycare and that is NOT a good combination for a woman in her 40's....although i love the kids and i'm always hugging and kissing them, on the inside i'm just so darn tired of doing it....the noise, the constant activity etc). and now i'm getting sick not only during the regular PMS time, but also just days or a week after my period! it's like there's no escaping it! yesterday i told hubby i was gonna talk to my Dr. about getting a hysterectomy (including riping out the ovaries since they're the ones causing all the upheaval) and he said "you better do some research on that"...so i did....and it seems like i shouldn't do it.....taking out a woman's ovaries is like castration in a man....it can cause a lot of extra problems.....so i feel a prisoner in this body until i am finally finished with the whole change. then i hear that this "change" can take anywhere from 1 - 10 years to complete! that doesn't help me, i can't even count down to the hopeful year of freedom cuz i have no clue. maybe some older women can help us out here.....how many years did it take you to finally be free from it all? how old were you when you started noticing the change happening? how old were you when it was finally over???

 

[EweSheep]

I started it last year or so...miserable as I can be. Perimeno is not fun! Doc wanted to put me on BC and I said NO because nasty side effects and BC and me do not get along at all.

PMS is terrible right now for me, flipping off hubby big time but glad he is in another city for a festival so it leaves me to deal with the issues myself.

And the statin recall or change of statin meds, was on 80mg and now on 40mg.....ugh, sick....... hopefully within a week to a month, I should be OK.

 

[areyoumymother]

Ah yes, how bout this one.....

"Stop Crying !" or "What are you crying about now ?" like I really need a reason LOL

Or kids will ask hubby "why's mom crying, AGAIN" cuz they have learned not to ask me anymore

 

[chkinut]

Quote:
oh yes! that's awful! guys, put an arm around your woman and hug her and say "what's wrong sweetie?" that's a better way to handle it. and wellsummerchicks....i feel SO SORRY for your friend!!! i read my hubby the whole thing....actually i read him the whole thread so far....lol. i JUST got off the phone with my mom and i told her about my research about the hysterectomy and she said she had one and it was the most wonderful thing she ever had done. she's not the 1st woman i've heard say that.....so who knows.

 

[teach1rusl]

Quote:
Thank You (you too OP for posting)!!! Your response is closest to how I've been feeling (I'm 45...had my first hotflash at 39). My system used to run like clockwork - now my periods may be 6 or 7 weeks apart, or every two weeks - it's NUTS! Sometimes I feel like I must be going crazy...lol...because there are just so many WIDE mood/mental swings up and down. I'm gonna' give the supplements you mentioned a try...
My son is worse than my husband (DH is very tolerant

). He's 18, and will say things like "What's wrong with you? Your brain has gone to mush over the last few years..." Cruel little butthead!! Sadly though, I feel that my brain HAS gone to mush. I don't FEEL 'normal' anymore. I'm counting on things going back to normal after all of this is overwith - most of what I've read says it should.