Update on me ;) :(

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Starwalker Fallen Angel, Dec 3, 2008.

  1. Starwalker Fallen Angel

    Starwalker Fallen Angel Out Of The Brooder

    Here lately, I have come to terms that life stinks. [​IMG] idk if I can use the word I want so stinks will do. I really hope things get better but at this point I can't see that silver lining even with binoculars.[​IMG]

    First off momma became ill with a backache 4 months ago.[​IMG] She thought it was because she spent so much time at the PC that her back muscles were strained. She also thought about her bones because she broke it in the 1970's. She went to the doctor and they started treating for both options. The pain got horrible and 2 weeks later they do the scans, tests...you name it. They finally found her problem. Pancreatic Cancer.[​IMG] Momma passed away October 21st. I'm glad mom didn't suffer very much as Pancreatic Cancer is horribly painful. Her doctors kept her well medicated while they TRIED to help her with treatment and Chemo. They had hoped to reduce it enough for tumor removal. Mom couldn't withstand Chemo and slipped into a coma on the 19th. She was a YOUNG 72.

    My dad is 88 with Dementia and PTSD. I am his guardian now. Let me tell you, he is an ornery old coot. I have to cook and place the meals straight in front of him or he will only eat toast, cake and coffee. Thats it![​IMG] The repeating he does really gets to me some days. It's like a record that gets stuck on the same groove. I love daddy and I am gentle with him even when he's in one of his ill moods. Which I can tell you can get hairy! I guess I would be too. I come back home and let him cool off. Actually, he is never mad at anyone here. Well, maybe one thing. I won't fix his van. [​IMG] He can't see well and he's almost completely deaf. He has a DL but is not allowed to drive. He takes off in it without telling anyone where he's going. I'm afraid with the Dementia he won't remember where he lives or how to get home. With his hearing and sight he may hurt/kill himself or someone else.

    I am trying to lesson the burden on me here by re-homing flocks of birds. So far it's not dwindled much.[​IMG] My son is another problem. He lives in an apartment and dropped his birds off here 3 years ago![​IMG] About 170 birds! He has his stuff stored in dads house all this time and dad wants his space back. Which is his family room. We haven't been able to shoot pool for 3 years. We used to have dinners over at their house and play a few games of pool after eating. Then he's got our other truck so we have 1 vehicle now.[​IMG] Then instead of getting his life together and getting his OWN house so he can take his stuff and birds. He informs me his GF maybe PREGNANT again.[​IMG] He is almost 27 and a good job. But he needs to SAVE money to get that house he NEEDS. My grandson isn't a year old yet.

    Now, I am trying to convince Lissie we HAVE to thin the flocks. There's almost or over 500 birds here.[​IMG]

    I'm not even going to get into the bills my hubby racks up.[​IMG]

    Thankx for letting me vent.[​IMG]
  2. Chirpy

    Chirpy Balderdash

    May 24, 2007
    You are always welcome to vent here.

    I'm sorry about the horrible situation in life right now. It will get better, eventually. [​IMG]

    You are wonderful for taking care of your dad. Dementia is awful and makes caregivers want to THROW SOMETHING!!! We had my MIL, who has dementia, live with us for 14 months until she became physically abusive to our kids... we had no choice but to get her into a special care facility at that point.
  3. sunnychooks

    sunnychooks Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jul 21, 2007
    ((Hugs)) to you and your family. [​IMG]

    I don't know much about what services are available but aren't there agencies that can help with caring for your Dad? I'm sure someone here will have experience with some sort of program you may be able to get into.
    Please feel better and take care of yourself.
  4. Starwalker Fallen Angel

    Starwalker Fallen Angel Out Of The Brooder

    I think the main problem with dad is he is a VERY active man. It's winter and he's in the house a lot. He gets angry because it's not that he CAN'T do things it's because he bucks when he's not ALLOWED to do some things. Like climb a ladder to change the basement light bulbs. It ticks him off because he has bad balance.

    He is also having a rough time dealing with moms death. he literally makes shrines of her pictures and items she used. I've tried to explain it's just not healthy.

    I also have SO much to do at home that I don't have time to just go out to eat...EVERYDAY.[​IMG] It takes me about 4 hours a day to tend the birds. There isn't much daylight right now.[​IMG]
  5. wegotchickens

    wegotchickens DownSouth D'Uccles & Silkies

    Jul 5, 2007
    Sevier County, TN
    I'd be patient with your dad and the shrines for your mom. Grief effects everyone differently. At least he's expressing it rather than bottling it up inside.

    And you have my sympathies on the loss of your mother & the care of your father. We spent the weekend with my F-I-L. Dealing with elderly parents can be very stressful. Wishing you the best!!!

    DH said he wished his dad had gone first, because his mom was better able to take care of herself and accept life-changes such as care facitilies and not driving.
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2008
  6. Starwalker Fallen Angel

    Starwalker Fallen Angel Out Of The Brooder

    Thank you.
    I started to realize all people express grief differently. I'm the kind that won't look at a picture for a LONG while and I box stuff up. maybe I don't want to cope. [​IMG]

    But I HAD to take care of momma when she was so ill. Giving her meds on time, washing her, her clothes and the bedding, feeding her, taking her potty. getting her to the appointments...Everything.

    My daughter Lissie was a fantastic help and we worked together. It's the same with the birds. But there comes a time when something has got to give so there is more time and ENERGY for the most important things. Like dad and keeping the house cleaned here and at his house next door. I just can't keep up.[​IMG]

    The good news is my marans are thriving.[​IMG]
  7. wegotchickens

    wegotchickens DownSouth D'Uccles & Silkies

    Jul 5, 2007
    Sevier County, TN
    500 chickens and your dad are a lot of 'critters' to keep up with!
    I'd definitely be selling some chickens if it were me.

    Hang in there!
  8. chickenma

    chickenma Chillin' With My Peeps

    Sep 8, 2008
    North Carolina
    I'll keep you in my prair. [​IMG]
  9. Starwalker Fallen Angel

    Starwalker Fallen Angel Out Of The Brooder

    Quote:Thank you. [​IMG] I know it sounds horrible of me. But momma didn't have exactly an easy life. Dad has always been self centered and at times just plain evil. He's mellowed quite a bit.

    The sadness I feel is momma never got any time to herself. It's always been all about dad. Actually, mom had thought he would go first because he's 15 years older and had a heart attack, liver shunt and 3 minor strokes.

    I had to change EVERYTHING out of her name. She had put everything in her name with the thoughts she would outlive dad. She wanted all of us to move in with her and she would have her family with her. I remember when she passed. I looked at my husband crying and said... Mom is in no pain now and she's free. Don't get me wrong they loved each other. They just didn't get along a lot and fought sometimes like two Tigers after the same carcass! lmao Thank god the good times were plentiful too.[​IMG]
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2008
  10. Starwalker Fallen Angel

    Starwalker Fallen Angel Out Of The Brooder

    Thank you everyone. I have to go check on my lovable old badger and make sure he took his pills and fix him lunch.[​IMG] I'll be back after dad feeding time and the birdies are done.[​IMG] As of right now that puts me getting done after dark. *sigh*
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2008

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