Vengenace is Sweet!

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by DragonEggs, Jul 16, 2010.

  1. DragonEggs

    DragonEggs Chillin' With My Peeps

    May 11, 2010
    Borger, TX
    I've seriously been watching too much House lately. I have been so short tempered with people who do annoying things.

    I think it all started with the complaint about my chickens. About 3 days later I hit up craigslist's rants and raves section an posted in regards to the person who complained. I informed them that if the law forces me to get rid of my chickens that I will use the money I make selling them to buy a pair of macaws. Very Large, Very Loud macaws. I told them they would be begging for my roosters to come back. I have a connection willing to loan me her 2 outdoor macaws should it come to this.

    A couple of days later I noticed someone broke into my car and stole my MP3 player and radio converter for it and the car charger for the radio converter. Again I hit up craigslist , the lost and found section and informed the perp that I don't believe that they would like my odd taste in music so I'm going to leave the connector cable, the cable required to charge the battery and change around the music, in my car, to come and get it. I posted a P.S. just wanna make sure the fingerprints match.

    The other day I went to Wal-Mart and parked next to a shiny red Jaguar. Had to be an 80,000 vehicle, the kind I could only dream of having. As I get out of my car some guy in a mustang convertible pulls up and parks taking up not 2 but 3 spots! He and the woman in the passenger seat get out of the car, talking on their cell phones the whole time, both dressed like a couple of Starbucks yuppies (the rich people around here annoy me). As they walk fairly close behind me through the parking lot I pick up my cell phone and hold it to my ear, pretending to talk to someone I say "Hey, are you coming? Well good luck finding parking, this place is packed and some people seem to think their car is more important than others and have to take up 3 spots. Well, let me go, I don't want to be rudely talking on my phone as the cashier checks me out." and pretend to hang up. They shuffled past me in a hurry to get to the automatic door. I noticed they weren't on the phone anymore.

    Then as I was driving home from someplace I signaled (yes, I actually do that!) and got into the farthest left lane to prepare for my turn. I guess I wasn't driving fast enough because the car behind me felt the need to tailgate me then flash his brights. I signaled again then came to a complete stop before making my left turn. As the car passes me I notice it's one of those dominos company delivery cars, who speeds up past me only to stop and turn at the very next turn into the dominoes parking lot. I called that Dominoes to inform that manager of their drivers rudeness, and that the next time I order delivery from them I will be paying in all loose change.

    I'm expecting the zoning officer within the next week to check and see if the birds are gone. We were talking about preparing for her visit. Our privacy fence should be complete by then, so we thought about putting a "Beware of Tiger" sign up and playing tiger noises. When the lady comes I was gonna tell her "I've got 1 bird left and I was just about to feed it to the tiger. He hasn't eaten yet, would you like to come hold the bird?" After a few strange looks "What, you said I couldn't keep chickens, that I'm not zoned for agricultural, you never said anything about exotics." It was suggested I paint my saint bernard with tiger stripes and let him walk back and forth behind the fence.

    Also thought about borrowing one of the lemurs from work for a few days so I can have it sittin on the couch when she comes and tell her "Thats not a monkey, thats my brother in law. Sheesh lady, I know you can't tell what a chicken is but I figured you could see a common family resemblence!"

    Open for suggestions to prepare for her arrival. Lets hear some of your stories!
  2. PineappleMama

    PineappleMama Chillin' With My Peeps

    [​IMG] Oh My Gawd... I don't know which one is the most brilliant... but I'm leaning toward the painted dog... I would LOVE to be the fly on the wall... I can just see the smirk on her face "Tiger... yeah right"... and then she sees LARGE striped animal cruising the fence...

    Ohhh please tell me you have a camera?!?!
  3. akaxo

    akaxo Chillin' With My Peeps

    you just made my day with the story about the yuppies in the mustang, going to remember that trick with the cellphone [​IMG]
  4. DragonEggs

    DragonEggs Chillin' With My Peeps

    May 11, 2010
    Borger, TX
    Thought about posting video cameras at several different angles and posting it on youtube. You think a million hits?

    Also thought about calling Punk'd and seeing if we could get a REAL tiger out here. The lady I work for brokers for a guy who has ligers, tigers, lions, bears, and other large exotics.
  5. PineappleMama

    PineappleMama Chillin' With My Peeps

    [​IMG] I can just see her cloud of dust as she runs screaming... then others come to see the big bad tiger she reported and it's really a St Bernard... SO worth the price of admission.
  6. CoopCrazy

    CoopCrazy Brooder Boss

    Mar 3, 2009
    Oh i love the way your mind works ... ( we really need a smiley with an evil grin rubbing his hands together)
  7. duck walk

    duck walk Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 13, 2009
    white springs, fl
    you are definately my kind of people...the rudeness that is rampant today just ticks me off every time I have to go out of my own yard, which I do as little as possible of...there are far too many with a low brain cell count who can not walk and chew gum at the same time...
  8. HorseFeathers

    HorseFeathers Frazzled

    Apr 2, 2008
    Southern Maine
    You are one seriously funny person...
  9. paridisefarm2009

    paridisefarm2009 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Aug 12, 2009
    Hudson Florida
    ROTFLMAO tHAT IS FUNNY . Not the part where you have to give up your birds that is sad [​IMG] But the rest is Great
  10. pdsavage

    pdsavage Sussex Monarch

    Mar 27, 2008
    You funny ladie.....

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