Vent about Ungrateful People!

[CityChicker]

This is something that has really become a pet peeve for me recently- people that are ungrateful and almost have a sense of entitlement. Does this drive anyone else crazy sometimes (granted, it may be a shorter drive with me, LOL)? I know I can be a little bit outspoken and opinionated (only in recent years, I used to be *very* shy and quiet), but I am a very kind hearted person and always want to help people if I can. I was raised that if you can help someone with something, especially if it doesn't cost you anything but a little time, you do it and do it graciously.

Obviously, not everyone was raised that way. I have had a couple instances the last month that have just been maddening. Let me preface this with that this particular incident happened in my personal life/hobby, not at work. At work, I feel like you pretty much help whoever needs help and do so without complaint. Anyway, someone emailed me about something that I sell. They tell me right up front that they are buying the item from someone else. Now, at this point, a lot of people would just have deleted their email (and I made the *choice* to help them, so I know I shouldn't be upset). They then ask me a list of literally dozens of questions. It was a little annoying, but I took the time to answer every, single question (some of which were basic questions, they could have easily found themselves). The email took me easily a half hour of my time to answer. Several days later, not a single thank you. It would have taken the person two seconds to reply and at a minimum, say thank you.

Where do these people come from? I can't believe that some people are so ungrateful. It really makes me value highly people that are gracious and makes me want to do even more for them. Maybe that is the lesson to be learned. When you "put yourself out there", you are going to have a small percentage of people that take advantage. I guess the challenge is to not become jaded. I had another situation last year that I have alluded to, but not talked about in detail (and this unfortunately was with a friend from an agriculture group). I befriended a person that would ask me detailed questions via email, frequently whole lists of questions they wanted explained. I found out months later that they were taking my answers word-for-word and using them as text on their website. I felt so violated. If they had just asked, I probably would have given them permission, but instead they chose to lie and manipulate the information out of me and then take credit for it as if it was there own work. I guess it is really no different from the rampant picture thieving that goes on online.

I just don't get how people were raised that doing these things is acceptable. A person can really get to where they don't want to help people and that is sad.

 

[Funky Feathers]

Get this: somebody saw my website, looked it over, and sent me an inquiry: could I please give them the contact info. for the people I bought my birds from? ! WHAT?? They want to bypass me and buy from the people I got mine from?? And they think I will be happy to do this? WHAT??

 

[sumatra]

I have been guilty of not saying thank you when I should have. I feel worse about that than when someone forgot me. I give away a lot of chickens and spend a lot of time teaching people about them, and yeah, you are right about how unfeeling people can be. I understand when someone forgets to say thanks, but I know you mean the people who go even farther and expect you to do their work for them. Like you, i feel that i have tohelp out as much as I can, but I am beginning to take care of myself, too. After all, if I give a lot to them, I don't have as much to give to the next person. So this last year or so, I just generally point out what books to get, what sites online to read and then I quit worrying about them. The good ones maybe will contact you again to ask intelligent questions. The bad ones will just repea the same old stuff. It felt weird at first when I didn't help all that i could, but now I am ok with it. Sometimes I'll really work hard with someone, but I am now the one who decides if I will or not. Do not feel bad about taking care of yourself. It took me 40+ years to figure out that there were people who just don't care if they use you and stress you out(as well as the merely thoughtless) and that it hurt me to be around them. It took a while to learn how to be nice without being too nice, and now I feel much better about the jerks of the world. So promise me you'll do the same for yourself and if you succeed at all, I will send you a chicken!

 

[redstars]

Hopefully you find a greater number of appreciative people than ones that are not.
Don't change the type of person you are because of a few misfits.

 

[pips&peeps]

I befriended a person that would ask me detailed questions via email, frequently whole lists of questions they wanted explained. I found out months later that they were taking my answers word-for-word and using them as text on their website.

Almost the same thing happened to me. A local lady started e-mailing me asking tons of questions. Found out she was having poultry raising seminars and charging for admission......................​

 

[Davaroo]

Quote:
It starts when we begin telling our little people they are "special" and "unique."
We pat them on the head and send them along with cries of "Kids Rule" ringing in their ears.
We show them we mean it by hanging banners proclaiming "Children Come First," and God help anyone who thinks different.
We tell them to be anything they want and then remove the repercussions of poor performance by giving prizes for "trying" or "just showing up."
We reward poor behavior by blaming others, or the "System," for any shortcomings that might arise.

Eventually, after enough of this well-intended brainwashing, we have a generation of people who think the world owes them something... and who believe they owe nothing to anyone else.

 

[Penturner]

I will ask for help or information, and I will give it when I have it to give. I care about others enough to even make them do it themselves when that is best. i don't avoid doing what is right just because it is difficult to do. On another group I frequent I actually find items that they use and buy them directly from teh manufacturer. I am currently working on a purchase of 300 to 600 tools directly from China that I wll resell at actual cost. In this example they can buy through me for 12 to 15 dollars what wodl cost them $35 or more from a supplier here in the US. I have been an extremely active memebr of that group for 6 years now. and have saved hundreds of it's members money on their Hobby, Given money to members when they where at hard times. Helped some members recover from floods and fires. and even been emotional support for those that have been ill, had loved ones become ill, suffered the loss of a loved one and other life traumas. I do not think I have once stopped to pay attention if anyone did or did not say thank you. I guess I already know they appreciate it or I wouldn't be doing it in the first place. If I where doing all that for people that did not appreciate it. I would have to reevaluate who or what I was investing my life in. Many say thank you often. Other maybe never at all. Actually I wouldn't know because I am not counting. I didn't do what I did to receive their gratitude. I did it because I chose they where worth it. Of course I also have true friends among them also. Last November I was working on getting an order of Leather cases from India. the supplier at the last minute chose to ship them to a friend of his in New York knowing I was about 3000 miles away. I am certain that he intended to try and demand more money from me before he had his friend mail them to me. I made one phone call and had a person knocking on the door of his friend in less than 24 hours. and lets just say my friend is not someone you want knocking on your door. As he put it he does his best work in Dark Alleys. I will also add if you are wondering, He was trained at what he knows by the Government. I had my cases at the quoted cost 3 days later. i guess I get far beyond thank you. i set my sites well beyond thank you. I have loyalty.

 

[Cindiloohoo]

I don't know...there are 2 ways to look at this. #1 They took info and then took credit for having done the research etc. themselves and passed the information on OR #2 Through someone else, you helped more people than you would have reached yourself. IDK if I would be upset. On this day next year will you even remember this one miniscule incident? If not, choose not to remember it now. I don't let people change me. I like who I am, but if I can influence others by being a good person...then I feel like I am doing a good thing, and what they do with that influence is their issue, not mine. I'm still good to go because I did what was right to start with. IDK...maybe thank THEM? I give give give and get tired of it too, but I don't stop giving because one person made me tired of it on just one day. It makes me appreciate the ones who do appreciate the help, because if everyone appreciated you all the time you'd get tired of that too...lol. Know what I mean?

 

[CityChicker]

Thank you all for the comments. At least I know I am not completely crazy, LOL.

Fattie- How rude! Can you believe the nerve of some people?

Sumatra- Thank you. That made me smile. You sound a lot like me. I do tend to get taken advantage of sometimes unfortunately. It seems that some people confuse kindness for weakness and then try to take advantage. I do promise to keep trying to be better (no chicken necessary! LOL).

Redstars- That’s good advice. I really try not to let it change me and honestly most people, especially like here on BYC, are extremely kind and gracious. Even when I do get a little jaded feeling, I snap out of it pretty quickly usually.

Davaroo- I really think you are on to something. I really do. Anymore, we encourage mediocrity and not excellence (in a number of different ways). I see that attitude of entitlement a lot (which seems to go hand-in-hand with mediocrity and/or simply not caring).

Penturner- That is an awesome attitude to have. I am glad you have helped so many people and never missed a thank you that should have been given. I wish I could say that I don’t notice when someone doesn’t say thank you after you’ve bent over backwards for them, but I do notice. Simple courtesies mean a lot (to me anyway). I do realize though what I have invested in friendships in my various hobbies and groups I am involved in. I am very thankful for all the wonderful people I know, despite the few bad apples.

 

[CityChicker]

Jean- See, that is just awful! How can people do things like that? Horrible. A lot of my own frustration with people the last couple months has really been rooted in what the person that plagiarized my work did because it was so dishonest and blatantly manipulative. It was far from something I would describe as “miniscule” since I had to scrap my entire year-long honor’s thesis project because of this. I can see why you had the impression that it was a more minor incident, Cindiloohoo, I just didn't want to go into more detail.

I don’t think it has permanently changed me or the way I treat people. I still love to help people (as you can see by my lengthy posts every day in the duck forum here, LOL). This individual though, a professional writer no less, took paragraph upon paragraph of my work and research and published it on his website, under his name. He *had* to have known how awful it was to do this.

A person would have to understand the scientific method and the process for submitting work for publication to understand what transpired anyway and why it is such a big deal. I don’t want to go into more detail on it because it would be drudging up things I would just as soon forget at this point. I did everything in the manner I was supposed to do it in doing and sharing my research. I, unfortunately, just encountered someone that is completely morally bankrupt. I will get over it eventually, but I do notice that I am *much* more irritated than normal about things like helping someone and not getting a thank you, LOL. At any rate, it apparently did absolutely NO good, but several people from my school (advisers, professors, and even my work study supervisor) already have contacted the individual to give him their quite candid opinion of what he did.

You live and learn! Anyway, I’m sorry you had a similar experience, Jean. It is so hard to trust people after someone blatantly misrepresents their intentions and manipulates you like this. I am getting over it little by little, but I still feel very violated that I trusted this person. Finally venting it some helps though!