I just got home from the grocery store where I ran into the husband of a coworker whose daughter is also Jessica's friend. Since I have been off of work with a back injury I am kind of out of the loop with my friends there. Anyway, he just told me her breast cancer is back and they are waiting PET scan results to find out if it has spread anywhere. She was diagnosed a year after me and already has a recurrance. She left today for Eden Valley, a spiritual and holistic medicine place while she is waiting test results. I walked around the grocery store numb and scared. I only have 14 months to go before my 5 year all clear date. It is just something that haunts me everyday. I fought so hard to live and it took so much out of me, I don't know if I could do it again. I don't want to die, I want to live and be with my children. It is an ongoing nightmare. I am healthy now, and I know the stress of the fear of recurrance is a risk factor in and of itself, but when the reality of cancer smacks you in the face in the grocery store, it is hard to walk away from. Thanks for listening, I don't feel so alone when I can share this.