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We are in Trouble Now

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by skand, Oct 21, 2008.

  1. skand

    skand Songster

    Sep 29, 2008
    Odessa, Tx
    We are in trouble...

    The population of this country is 300 million.

    160 million are retired.

    That leaves 140 million to do the work.

    There are 85 million in school.

    Which leaves 55 million to do the work.

    Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.

    Leaving 15 million to do the work.

    2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama

    Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.

    Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city
    Governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

    At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.

    Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

    Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

    That leaves just two people to do the work.

    You and me.

    And there you are,

    Sitting on your butt,

    At your computer, reading jokes.


    Real nice.

    Using shorthand to get around profanity filters is not allowed.
    Thank you
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 21, 2008
  2. skand

    skand Songster

    Sep 29, 2008
    Odessa, Tx
    A laugh we need in these investing times!

    Investment tips for 2008

    With all the turmoil in the market today and the collapse of Lehman Bros and

    Acquisition of Merrill Lynch by Bank of America this might be some good

    advice . For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected

    mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

    Watch for these consolidations in later this year:

    1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W R. Grace

    Co. Will merge and become:

    Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

    2.) Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and


    Poly, Warner Cracker.

    3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become:


    4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge

    and become:

    ZipAudiDoDa .

    5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become:


    6. Fairchild Electronic s and Honeywell Computers will become:

    Fairwell Honeychild.

    7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:


    8. Kn otts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become:

    Knott NOW!

    And finally...

    9. Victoria 's Secret and Smith &Wesson will merge under the new name:

  3. skand

    skand Songster

    Sep 29, 2008
    Odessa, Tx
    A fireman is polishing his fire engine outside the fire station when
    he notices a little girl next door in a little red cart with little
    ladders hung on the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the

    The little girl is wearing a fireman's helmet and has the cart tied to
    a dog and a cat.

    The fire-fighter walks over to take a closer look: 'That's a lovely
    fire engine,' he says admiringly.

    'Thanks,' says the little girl. The fireman looks closer and notices
    the little girl has tied one of the cart's strings to the dog's collar
    and one to the cat's testicles.

    'Little colleague,' says the fire-fighter, 'I don't want to tell you
    how to run your fire engine, but if you were to tie that rope around the
    cat's collar, I think you could probably go a lot faster.'

    The little girl pauses for a moment, looks at the wagon, at the dog and
    at the cat, then shyly looks into the fireman's eyes and says:

    'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren,
    would I?'

    using shorthand to get around our profanity filters is not allowed
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 21, 2008
  4. chicken_boy_Kurt

    chicken_boy_Kurt Songster

    Mar 20, 2008
    [​IMG] at first I thought it should go in the me my chickens and my family board though lol [​IMG]
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 21, 2008

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