Well,, Steven hit his terrible two's finally, and his teen angst,,

[WriterofWords]

I've often said Steven has been a very easy child to raise and a well behaved, polite young man that everyone loves,,, he never had his terrible two's, never had the "I'm a teenager and I know everything" attitude,, wellllllll that just changed!

He's been hanging around with a friend of his that graduated last year and at first I was happy about,, now it seems this young man is having a really negative effect on him and is doing a great job of convincing him that I am a mean and terrible mother who is "oppressing" him and not respecting the fact that he is now 18 and an adult! We had quite the argument before Christmas and Steven informed me that he is moving out after New Years,, I thought we worked through that until last night when it came up again,, and he still plans on moving out. He's 18, still in high school, been to basic training, has to do AIT after graduation, is planning on going to New Mexico Military Institute, then University of Washington. I'm afraid that his buddy is going to derail him with all of his garbage since Steven is listening to him so much. He informed me he has no trouble or problems with anyone else,, just me, and I'm always picking fights with him, and I always think I'm right but I'm wrong,, I'm trying to just ride it out but honestly part of me is saying "Fine get the Heck and gone out and don't look back!" I've got enough stress of my own without this and I just want to run screaming for the hills right now.

 

[redhen]

Ugh..i feel for you. I have a 18 yr old in my house also. He knows everything too. The thing is..i dont back down..i WILL keep teaching him right from wrong and i WILL be in his business (...its your JOB as a parent!)..weather he wants to hear it or not. At least then i know that i tried my best to help/teach him. The rest IS up to him...
One thing i DO know is..i will not accept any disrespect to me or people in my house.

 

[rebelcowboysnb]

Without more info all I can say is good for Steven. Sounds like he is manning up to being an adult to me.

 

[ams3651]

I went thru this after my son graduated in June, it was building up for a little while thanks to his girlfriend and her friends. I never really had problems with him till they told him apparently that I couldnt tell him what to do. He moved out the week after graduation (actually I had enough and told him to come get his stuff) and in with his girlfriend and her parents. Real trash. And the kind of people who dont care what their kids are doing. Her brother was in lots of trouble and on drugs. All her brothers and sisters had kids very young and her mom was just waiting for her to have one

I told him he could not yell or argue with me, if he couldnt talk to me I had nothing to say to him. Same as you said, it was all my fault I was angry, I was picking fights, I was always yelling. My dad gave me grief for letting him move out but I couldnt keep him home, he was 18 and out of school. Thankfully it worked itself out, she moved on to someone else and he came back. Hes better now and actually volunteers to babysit his little brother. Give it time and hopefully it will work itself out. He learned a valuable life lesson and thankfully no harm was done.

By the way, I dont think being disrespectful and arguing with a mother who raised you all on her own is maning up. I dont want my son to be that kind of man.

 

[redhen]

What does he say about school and the military thing he was going to do? has that all changed? or is he still saying that hes going to do it?

 

[Cara]

I don't know if it's not so much a bad influence as the dreaded effect of living away from home then returning for a while

Both my sister and I had a hell of a time trying to get along with our mother during breaks from college.

ETA I think that kind of conflict is caused by being a grown up, then not being a grown up, if that makes sense. It's a difficult transition between living independently for the first time then returning home to someone else's opinions/rules.

All is well now

 

[WriterofWords]

Quote:
Well that one caught me by surprise. How does listening to one of his buddies telling him what a bad mom I am qualify as manning up and being an adult? I've raised him alone and given him the best I could, supported him in almost anything he wanted to do, signed for him to join the army before he graduated, ok'd him going to basic training, done my damndest to get him into the schools he wants to go to,,, been there for him when his male parent decided his new family was more important and he couldn't show favoritism by spending time with his son,, I've taught him to shoot, hunt, drive, taken him to plays and operas, all over the country doing archeology work with me and taught him everything he asked about doing it. But his buddy who has no boundaries, drinks at 18, at home in front of his parents,, and you think that moving is with this kid is manning up and being adult?

 

[pbjmaker]

Ugh - I hear you there - my son was also add but very laid back until this year. He turns 18 in May. He also says he is moving out the moment he graduates - I said good luck paying the bills, you don't even have a job. Sometimes it is soooo hard knowing what to do. I do agree with rebel in that he is just trying out his manhood - but if he wants to do that then he needs to talk to you like he is an adult. Adults listen to each other and are willing to take advice into consideration (in theory anyway

)

My 19 year old did move out last month and seems to be doing well. She still calls home and stops by on occasion. She is learning that no one is gonna run your paycheck to the bank because you work all day (just tried that one yesterday), internet is a luxury and hide a roll of TP in you bedroom.

She has also learned that roomates can suck as much as siblings and parents and no your mama ain't gonna clean up after you.

Let him move out but also let him know that you are still there for him in a tough love kind of way - tell him that you are concerned about him giving up everything he has planned for. Some kids just learn the hard way.

I hope it all works out - from what I read you have raised a good kid and that will not just magically disappear.

 

[gritsar]

 

[rebelcowboysnb]

Hes 18. You had 18 years to be mom. He is now an adult an Basic has drilled that in to his head. You dont come back from that an be a kid again. What I read makes me beleve you still see him as a little kid. I may be wrong but thats what I see. An if that is how you see him then yes you are wrong an he is right. 18 is where the line is drawn in the sand, like it or not. What point should he move out an make is on choices?