Where I've Been For The Last Month

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by Laurajean, Jan 14, 2011.

  1. Laurajean

    Laurajean Slightly Touched

    Apr 2, 2010
    New Hampshire
    Where I’ve Been For the Last Month

    Okay, here’s a Laurajean update for you. It’s a long one. For those of you who don’t like my stories, now would be a good time to hit the back button. But I’ve gotten several BYC messages wondering where I’ve been, so here’s your Irrational Laurajean update!

    A couple months ago, I reunited on Facebook (stupid Facebook) with my first love. I dated him 23 years ago, when I was a teenager. We lost touch over the years and started writing back & forth. He told me how he’s now a medically retired Sergeant in the U.S. Army, and that he was injured in combat in Iraq. He also told me how he’s separated from his wife, has two kids, 16 & 20 and is staying with his dad until he could get a place of his own while still supporting his family. He makes quite a bit of money from his pension and related income, he just needed to work out the details of the divorce.

    So we continue emailing for about a month. He was staying about an hour from me. He asked if he could come see me, and maybe stay a few days. I said sure. I hadn’t seen him in 23 years, it would be a great visit. So he gets here, and for a few days, things were great. Then this is where it gets weird. A side note for those of you who love to criticize my posts, have at it. I defend nothing. I was an idiot, so knock yourselves out on how stupid I was. That being said, he never left. He just stayed. I think he thought he moved in, even though we never had any such discussion. I didn’t mind the extended stay at first, I live alone and it was nice catching up and talking about the old days. But soon his estranged wife caught on somehow to who I am and that he was here, & I began getting harassing phone calls from her, calling me names that I don’t even say, never mind can type here.

    At one point she called & said she was driving up to kill me. That was Christmas day. So I spent Christmas evening in the local police station filing a harassment complaint because I wanted it on record that she threatened me. They called her & said if she makes any attempt to come here or contact me, that she will be arrested. The next few weeks are a blur. He was still here, and his daughter and wife would call his cell constantly. At first I thought they were crazy (well, they are somewhat crazy), but then it became apparent that he was not properly communicating with them at all. They didn’t know how to pay the bills without him, and needed to know certain things about the household and he would just sit there and “hide” and ignore their calls. At first I tried to stay out of it, but since he’s in my house, I couldn’t stand it anymore and started telling him to answer the phone and deal with this. You can’t just walk out on your family and ignore responsibilities.

    Now meanwhile, I am sick with Bronchitis, and had ignored it so long that by the time I went to the doctor I found out I also had a lacerated esophagus. So now I’m sick and on antibiotics (which made me even sicker), and I’m stressed at how he’s not handling things with his family.

    Then I soon discovered his daily routine. Wake up, have a cup of coffee, chain smoke, have another cup of coffee, chain smoke, repeat, repeat, all while watching TV, ALL DAY LONG in his bathrobe. When he did try to “help“, it was a disaster. Every time I left the room I’d come back to see him shoving more wood in the wood stove. I told him the pile of wood outside has to last me all winter, and to take it easy. One day he crammed it so full that the fireplace glass door BROKE!!!! Another day he was making coffee and broke my antique sugar bowl. We got a snow storm and he said he would shovel and then sat there all day in his bathrobe. Every time I said “Are you going to shovel?” He’d say “Yup, right after this cup of coffee”. Seventeen cups of coffee later the sun is setting and he’s still sitting around in his bathrobe. Finally I got mad and said I was going to do it myself because it was just going to freeze. Only then did he drag himself out there and do it. Then he came back in and said “You need a new shovel”. I told him I JUST bought that shovel last month. He said, “Oh, well it’s broken.” If I tell you this man broke almost everything he touched it would barely be an exaggeration.

    Now, it’s been like a month. My bills are all doubling with him here. I live alone and barely make ends meet, I can’t afford to support him. He gave me money once and promised more. Then every time pay day would come he would go to the bank and come back all surprised saying his wife took it all out. I kept telling him to change his bank account and give her a certain amount for support, but he never got around to it (guess he was waiting to finish his coffee for that too). So meanwhile, I’ve been spending my money supporting “us“, and at this point I’m flat broke and furious. Meanwhile, he takes what little money he has and goes NOT to the grocery store (that would be too logical), but instead to the CONVENIENCE store (you know, the really overpriced one?) and spent money on cigarettes, overpriced cans of beef stew and tons of candy. Candy! I can’t pay my electric bill, or my gas bill, barely made my mortgage payment, and he comes back with BAGS of candy. At one point he came back and handed me a candy bar (I don’t even eat candy). I looked at the receipt. $1.79 for a candy bar. I gave it back to him and said to give me a $1.79 in cash toward my living expenses and skip frivolous crap like candy. He gets well over $5,000.00 a month, let’s his wife take it ALL out, she leaves him with $100 bucks, and he blows it on CANDY.

    Then I got a sudden and severe attack of Pancreatitis. I’ve had it in the past, it’s usually brought on from stress. So now I have Bronchitis, a lacerated esophagus, and Pancreatitis and he’s still spending his days on the couch watching TV and drinking coffee. I was in agony, totally incapacitated. He did bring in some firewood, and he did shovel after the storm, but that’s it. I had to walk him through everything. He seemed incapable of doing anything on his own, or without prodding and supervision. I was tired and sick and stressed.

    I collect Buddha statues. I’ve collected them from my travels over the years and they all have special meaning. They’re in different poses and each one represents something; “The Buddha of happiness”, “the Buddha of contentment”, etc. One day he decided that carrying wood up to the deck was too much work, so he started THROWING the wood onto the deck. I went out to tell him to knock it off. I picked up a stray log that he had thrown and discovered he had BE-HEADED my Buddha statue on the porch. Not just any Buddha statue, but my BUDDHA of SANCTUARY. Talk about symbolism! I just stood there dumbfounded, the headless torso of my beloved Buddha in one hand, and the poor Buddha’s head in my other hand, glaring at him. He looked at me as if confused about what had happened. “You BE-HEADED my BUDDHA” I snarled and stormed back into the house. I later told my aunt on the phone and we laughed our butts off at the irony of him be-heading my Buddha of Sanctuary.

    The next day, I told him to leave. I told him I’m broke, stressed, physically ill, and that I’m sick of being in the middle of his messy separation, I’m sick of being harassed by his family, I’m sick of him sitting around on the couch in a bathrobe all day doing nothing, sick of his lack of financial responsibility, or any responsibility for that matter, sick of him wasting what little money he has on candy, sick of telling him when things need to be done, sick of it all. He told me he never intended to do any of these things. I told him good intentions don’t pay my bills or take away my stress. He said nothing, and silently packed. He packed REAL slow, I mean real slow, lingering and pouting and waiting for me to tell him he didn’t have to leave. I sat there in furious silence and let him pack. Then he left. He later emailed me from his father’s and said he hopes we can “start over and pretend the bad things never happened”. Yeah, right.

    By the way, I don’t defend my stupidity. I was an absolute idiot to let this go on as long as I did. But I do want to say this: He had told me of prior suicide attempts and he suffers from Depression and PTSD from the war. So there was part of me that was very fearful that if I threw him out he might kill himself. He brought two guns here. Before I told him to leave, I snuck in and stole his ammo and threw it out. I know he can buy more if he really wants to, but I didn’t want anything happening with bullets that I allowed in my house. I know that may sound silly, but I don’t fully understand his mental state and just wanted to be as responsible as I could be.

    I don’t know how much of this behavior is his depression and PTSD, and how much is pure laziness and lack of responsibility, or a combination of both. I just couldn’t let my own life spiral down like that.

    Last night, his first night gone, I got the best sleep I’ve had in over a month. As foolish as I feel for allowing this to go on for a month, I also know there has to be some good lessons and knowledge that will come from this experience.

    And that, was my big reunion with my ‘first love’ and what I‘ve been doing for the last month.

    Some things I’ve learned:

    1. Facebook reunions can be a bad idea

    2. Yet another reason why I always insist on being left the heck alone!

    3. Bathrobes, TV, coffee & cigarettes = nothing getting done.

    4. Yes, I apparently AM the Irrational Laurajean

    5. One big mistake: My ‘GO AWAY’ doormat was outside my door; I should have moved it inside. [​IMG]

    6. First loves do not necessarily equal last loves.

    7. Never give away money unless you can afford to never see it again.

    Any other additions?
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2011
  2. booker81

    booker81 Redneck Tech Girl

    Apr 18, 2010
    Quote:Only one, from my incredibly wise father...

    Before dating, pull a credit report and background check.


    ****hugs**** There are some pretty rotten moochers out there - I was married to one (didn't heed my father's advice), and he acted THE SAME WAY.

    The one I'm married to is a 180 from that, but I did pull his credit report when we were together [​IMG] (I pull them for both of us free when I file our taxes, to review for issues).
  3. mississippifarmboy

    mississippifarmboy collects slightly damaged strays

    aww Laurajean..[​IMG]

    Hope you get to feeling better soon.

    Might add PTSD doesn't make you lazy [​IMG] trust me, I know personally. It makes you nuts, sometimes you say things you shouldn't, depression, and well... crazy. But not lazy.

    And next time go Navy! [​IMG]

    And I thought I had problems...
  4. HHandbasket

    HHandbasket The Chickeneer

    Yes, one more:

    10) Never beat yourself up for being a patient and compassionate person.

    You really went out of your way to do right by this person, and he obviously is a worthless, ungrateful clod. I'm glad you got him out of your life.

    Stop beating yourself up, sweetie. You've done the right thing, and now you're going to be perfectly fine. Just keep this @#$&* out of your life.


    I'm sorry he did that to you and hope your financial recovery is swift.
  5. Kansaseq

    Kansaseq Prairie Wolf Farm Asylum

    Feb 12, 2009
    NE Kansas
    WOW. Glad he is no longer sucking you dry and making you more sick. I hope you get to feeling lots better soon! [​IMG]

    Edited to add: Can't believe there are actually men like this out there. What a loser!!! Good riddance!
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2011
  6. HorseFeatherz NV

    HorseFeatherz NV Eggink Chickens

    Good Gravy Girl [​IMG]
  7. cparian

    cparian Songster

    Nov 5, 2008
    Cincinnati, Ohio
    Oh Hun, don't beat yourself up about this. My reunion with my old high school flame turned into 6 years of Hell! He was a pathalogical liar & a serial cheater who helped himself to my money & never consulted me on any major purchase he was making with my money. So don't feel bad, compared to me your a quick learner! [​IMG] Just chalk it up as one of those things you learn from.
  8. welsummerchicks

    welsummerchicks Songster

    Jul 26, 2010
    That's not mental illness.

    That's his personality.
  9. Rammy

    Rammy Songster

    Oct 20, 2008
    Im suprised you lasted that long!! But being sick and all, kind of not a high priority to kick his butt out. Wished I lived closer. Id come over, fix you chicken soup, clean your house, feed your chickens<you can forget the shoveling>, and I dont even have a bathrobe!! How lucky is that?? [​IMG]

    Sounds like he was mooching for sure. He could of at least helped with some of the bills or groceries while he was there. One things for sure, I betcha Trash man is jealous!! [​IMG] Oh, arent you the talk of the town now!! LauraJean's got a MAN up there, and he's married!! ooooooooooooooohhhhhh! hehehe

    Thats why I live alone and dont have a roomate!!

  10. arabianequine

    arabianequine Crowing

    Apr 4, 2010
    Wow that is a mess....but you did not have to abandon us all for a month.

    In reference to #6....it does now though right?

    Hope you feel better soon!
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2011

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