Why do kids think what they say is the law??

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by gmendoza, Dec 13, 2012.

  1. gmendoza

    gmendoza Chillin' With My Peeps

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    EXAMPLE:

    I am getting a job in Raleigh, NC and not just a job,my career, but also is something I want and have ample experience for. Being a Structural Design Engineer. I have been waiting for this for years and was promised this and lied to at my last job.This will show any employer what I can do, in a short time, in design.

    THE PROBLEM:

    My oldest daughter doesnt want to move and she is being so stubborn about it.She wont talk about it at all.We presented it in a calm way that in 6 months they all are going to live in Raleigh from Rock Hill,SC.She flew in a rage that reminded me of the exorcist.

    [​IMG]

    MY SOLUTION:

    Ignore her.I gave her 6 months of warning,not like we are going there now. I might next week, but not the rest.If shes not ready then, I will use duct tape,put her in the trunk and take her there by force.

    (just kidding....by the way I know some of you parents have thought of doing this to your teens from time to time[​IMG] )


    any help out in BYC-Chicken world???

    Should I have done something diffrent? an easier approach?? a softer hand???
     
  2. thaiturkey

    thaiturkey Chillin' With My Peeps

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    How old is your daughter?
     
  3. eenie114

    eenie114 Completly Hopeless

    How old is your daughter? If she's a teenager, we teenagers are like plants. We don't do well being uprooted. That being said, deep down she most likely understands that this move is for the best. Express to her that you understand what she's feeling, be it anger, fear, or possibly even betrayal. ("Mom and Dad say they love me, yet Mom and Dad are doing something that is obviously making me miserable. WHAT??") Empathy will get you darned near everywhere.
    Help her come up with ways to stay in touch with friends- maybe adding extra minutes on her cell phone plan, a webcam, etc. I'm not suggesting you bribe her, but help her understand that she's not going to be isolated.
    Look up what new programs her new school will have that she might have an interest in and she did not have the chance to participate in before.
    If she is anxious about leaving a job she may have, assure her that you can help her find a new job once you're settled. I know if my family was moving, leaving my employment without having a say in the matter would be very frustrating for me, as it's such a great job. Maybe she has similar feelings?
     
  4. thaiturkey

    thaiturkey Chillin' With My Peeps

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    I see it in the same way. My own way of putting it would be to say that the children are as much a part of the family as the bread winner and deserve as much consideration.
     
  5. gmendoza

    gmendoza Chillin' With My Peeps

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    well she is 14. she has a group of good friends.

    This job is for the better.Better position for me,more money income for the house.

    also raleigh has Chapel Hill, Duke and NCSU all there.

    also I can get my fe licence and pe licence there,which will bring more money to the house.

    lets see what happens in the next 6 months........

    I dont do good with empathy, maybe I'll try bribing. [​IMG]
     
  6. ChickensRDinos

    ChickensRDinos Chillin' With My Peeps

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    You are wanting her to be empathic and understand that while this situation will be rough for her it is better for you, better for the family and something that will make you really happy but are saying you don't want to be empathic yourself. Seems not quite fair. Model the behavior you want from her.

    You are a parent and make the decisions and you are moving. That's that. But, that doesn't mean you can't show her that you understand it's hard and appreciate her support. Talk to her. Talk to her a lot. Tell her how you feel about all aspects of it. It doesn't matter if she talks also or if it seems like she is not listening. She is. She is not going to talk to you unless you talk to her and she is not going to understand how you feel if you don't tell her and you are going to have to tell her more than once.

    Kill her attitude with kindness rather than meeting it with more attitude and fighting.
     
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2012
    1 person likes this.
  7. hdowden

    hdowden Overrun With Chickens

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    she maybe scared of the move as it is a huge change. she will be the new student with no friends around and kinda like an outsider. i don't have much advice but i know when i was younger my family moved and i changed schools and was a bit scared of the change because i didn't know anyone and i felt like an outsider. my kids are not to that age yet but already think what they say is the rule lol (they are 2, 4, and 5). also you as a parent may need to be ready for her to break down on you and need a loving shoulder to cry on and come to another thing that happened to, i got home sick and depressed and the thing is we just moved right across town and not to a completely new city but i am one that gets homesick with new moves even staying in hotels for to long can make me homesick, i know it's silly but it happens.
     
  8. gmendoza

    gmendoza Chillin' With My Peeps

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    I never said I wont be empathic to her. why in Gods earth would I ever say that about my daughter? I said I dont do good with empathy.
    I should have said I dont do good with empathy with her.tried and failed many miserable times.
    gees people...why would i not show my daughter compassion??? way off point here.

    Lets rehash this:

    IM going there for the next 6 months...alone......
    They can check and see whats there before we all go.
    Im the bread winner, no jobs like this in South Carolina around where we live.
    not going to ruin my career and ways for our family to live better over moving feelings.( ive told this to my family,wife and girls).I know im harsh with this, but I expect nothing diffrent in return if my girls do the same thing to me.

    I can be a jerk and say ' well then I will go work flipping burgers and make 7.00 an hour, but then the cable, internet,and cells will be shut off because I wont be able to afford them."

    I wont do that, I was just looking for an alternate meathod, you know,some flanking manuver to get her to want to go.

    im sure some people on here would jump at the chance of making 45.00 hourly (93,000 annually).

    eenie114 I love your advice.Thank you. [​IMG]


    good colleges there,she can get her vetinarian schooling there.she just wont budge.
     
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2012
  9. Ashdoes

    Ashdoes Chillin' With My Peeps

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    I'd say, she's 14..she'll get over it, but there is no choice. Military kids do it all the time. If you like having a home, and food and "stuff" you go where the money is.
    I think it's fantastic that you found a job, as some people don't even have that. I am one of those, kids don't get to make the rules kind of moms.
    Congrats on the new job!
     
  10. Shayna

    Shayna I [IMG]emojione/assets/png/2665.png?v=2.2.7[/IMG]

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    I moved a lot as a kid and can understand the anxiety she's probably feeling. I also have a daughter the same age! :)

    I think it would be great if there is a long holiday break coming up for school where she could be taken to the new area to stay for a couple weeks. It would be nice If she could be taken to places that the local kids there like to go. Teenage girl = mall? Anyway, there might not be a lot of progress, but it would help her to see the area, the kids her age and what they do, a little bit before she goes. That will help give her an idea of what to expect. If would be REALLY great if somehow she was able to meet one or two kids from the area, so she has a couple new friends to chat with before the big move.

    Skype is a great way for her to keep in touch with old friends.

    Best of luck.
     
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2012

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