Why you DON'T want to try & catch a deer.

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by LittleChickenRacingTeam, Jul 10, 2008.

  1. LittleChickenRacingTeam

    LittleChickenRacingTeam On vacation

    Jan 11, 2007
    Ontario, CANADA
    I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall,
    feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.

    The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that,
    since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much
    fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up
    and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not
    4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and
    toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and
    transport it home.

    I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope.

    The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back.
    They were not having any of it.

    After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I picked
    out....a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder,
    and threw.. ..my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.

    I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have
    a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could
    tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.

    I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a little tension
    on the rope and then received an education.

    The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand
    there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to
    action when you start pulling on that rope.

    That deer EXPLODED.

    The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT
    stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I
    could fight down with a rope and with some dignity.

    A deer-- no chance.

    That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no
    controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me
    off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to
    me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I
    had originally imagined.

    The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as many other

    A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk
    me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few
    minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood
    flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my
    taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature
    off the end of that rope.

    I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck,
    it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere.

    At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At
    that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the
    feeling was mutual.

    Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had
    cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against
    various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still
    think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I
    shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were
    in, so I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I
    managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a
    little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute.

    I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope

    Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would
    have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised
    when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of
    my wrist.

    Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where
    they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its
    head --almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

    The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and
    draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was

    It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but
    it was likely only several seconds.

    I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim
    by now) tricked it.

    While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I
    reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when
    I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

    Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on
    their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and
    their hooves are surprisingly sharp.

    I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -- like a horse
    --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the
    best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive
    move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a
    bit so you can escape.

    This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery
    would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different

    I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

    The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a
    horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit
    you in the back of the head.

    Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being
    twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to
    run , it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

    Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not
    immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has
    passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on
    you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering
    your head.

    I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

    So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with
    a scope to sort of even the odds.
  2. ChuckenGirl

    ChuckenGirl Songster

    Dec 22, 2007
    Maryland :)

    men, men, men. you never think things through?
  3. Colored Egg Farmer

    Colored Egg Farmer Chicken overload

    Deer 101 Never catch a deer with a rope....

    You should have had a tranquilizer [​IMG]
  4. arlee453

    arlee453 Songster

    Aug 13, 2007
    near Charlotte NC
    It's too funny!!! [​IMG]

    I got a very clear mental image of trying to stop the deer by bracing your head against a rock. LOL!


    PS - I'm hoping this is a work of clever fiction??
  5. Linda in San Diego

    Linda in San Diego Songster

    May 11, 2008
    San Diego
    Great story, I read it a while back and had forgotten how funny it was. Thanks for sharing.
  6. warcard

    warcard Songster

    Apr 4, 2008
    SE Indiana
    ROFLMAO! [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]

    Oh god! I am so sorry, but I couldn't help it! Thankfully I wasn't eating or drinking while reading.

    I haven't seen it for awhile, but there was a video online about a guy who doused himself with female elk or doe estrus scent to try and lure a buck in. That was not a happy buck when it finally found out the lie. [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]

    I hope you feel better soon, and will now know to just let the deer eat the corn in the field and shoot them from a distance later on in the year.
  7. cjeanean

    cjeanean Can't Decide

    Mar 5, 2008
    Okay, is that really a true story?? No human being could be that dumb....
  8. conny63malies

    conny63malies Crowing

    Mar 22, 2008
    Annetta Kentucky
    You canadians crack me up. At least you didnt try to rope in a buffalo. [​IMG]
  9. asher

    asher Chicken Enabler Extraordinaire

    Jan 26, 2007
    Mountains of NC

    Er...ummm...sorry. Hope you feel better soon.

  10. rooster-red

    rooster-red Here comes the Rooster

    Jun 10, 2007
    Douglasville GA
    Filing this one away in the mental archives of animals not to rope.

    I have one to add:

    Never try to rope a hog the size of a Volkswagen Beetle... no, I'm not going to elaborate.

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