Women, How To Handle A Compliment

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by deb1, Dec 10, 2009.

  1. deb1

    deb1 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 26, 2008
    NC
    I decided that I was going to start giving people honest compliments, nothing excessive, just an acknowledgment of nice things about them. What I discovered is that most women can't take a compliment.

    This is what I get.

    Me: Jane, your dress looks nice

    Jane: Oh, no, it doesn't. I gained ten pounds. I have such problem keeping off the weight.

    Me: Um...Okay. No, I can't tell you gained weight. You look good.

    Jane: No, I don't. (and then starts a converstion in which Jane tells me all her faults and I reassure her)

    It seesm that many women in the world are so underconfident that instead of simply saying thank you they have to deny the compliment and then explain to me why my words were wrong.

    I could almost see if it was the physical compliments about dress or how nice someone's new hair cut looked but even nonphysical compliments like, I really love your sense of humor, or you are always so sweet to everyone, will earn an explanation of why my opinion is not correct.

    So, if someone compliments you, the polite answer is, thank you. Don't go into an explanation as to why the speaker's opinion is wrong. Even if you are very underconfident, it is a little arrogant to suppose that the other person cares about how inadequate that you feel or wanted to have to spend a few minutes reassurring you.

    It doesn't mean that you are self absorbed to simply accept a compliment with out making the speaker feel that you doubt their opinion.

    Guess what? Until I started trying to find ways to compliment people, I accepted compliments the exact same way also. But what I discovered is that now there is a gracious way to accept a compliment as well as give it. It makes the compliment giver feel good also to simply hear, thank you.
     
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2009
  2. Benelli

    Benelli Chillin' With My Peeps

    158
    0
    109
    Sep 18, 2009
    You're right, especially when the compliment comes from another woman. I learned that lesson the same way you did. We should accept compliments/kindness since they're given so rarely these days.
     
  3. texasgal

    texasgal Brood with an Attitude

    8,666
    13
    278
    Apr 18, 2009
    [​IMG] [​IMG]

    I catch myself doing the same thing and recently have been practicing:

    "Well ... THANK you"

    As my response. [​IMG]
     
  4. deb1

    deb1 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 26, 2008
    NC
    Quote:I do it also, and now am trying very hard to change. Once I started trying to acknowledge the positives about people, I realized how akward it makes the giver of a compliment to feel to have me explain why they are wrong.
     
  5. deb1

    deb1 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 26, 2008
    NC
    Quote:I haven't started trying to compliment men because I am afraid that they will think that I am coming on to them. There are some women who purposely ooh and ahh over a guy that they find attractive and I don't want to be confused for one of them.

    My hubby wouldn't be too thrilled if other men start thinking that I am attracted to them. [​IMG]
     
  6. Buff Hooligans

    Buff Hooligans Scrambled

    12,147
    82
    311
    Jun 11, 2007
    Always smile and say thank you, but then turn it into a compliment to the other person, such as "how kind of you to say so".
    That way you get to make them feel good for complimenting you.

    By the way Deb, your hair looks exquisite today!
     
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2009
  7. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

    13,212
    26
    313
    Dec 25, 2007
    Chaparral, New Mexico
    I usually say something like "Wow, thanks!! You made my day!" Because it does make my day and makes me feel good!
     
  8. deb1

    deb1 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 26, 2008
    NC
    Quote:Why thank you, Buff and may I add that your smile is very sweet. [​IMG]
     
  9. PurpleChicken

    PurpleChicken Tolerated.....Mostly

    11,744
    15
    321
    Apr 6, 2007
    Iceland
    What a nice thread. You all are as lovely on the inside as you are on the outside. [​IMG]
     
  10. Buff Hooligans

    Buff Hooligans Scrambled

    12,147
    82
    311
    Jun 11, 2007
    Quote:Oh no, you are so wrong. We are all horrible and our socks don't match today.
     

BackYard Chickens is proudly sponsored by