Would You Be Mad?

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Wow! I had no idea this would cause such a discussion!

Some of you have raised very valid questions and made very valid comments that had me thinking last night and this morning.

I would not be angry if I didn't know what I know now. I would be disappointed, yes. But not angry at my DH. Thank you NurseNettie for making me think about this.

I realize that my applying there put my DH in a bad position. One that he should not have been put in. Even though he encouraged me to apply, I don't think we thought through the implications of that.

So I am going to call this a learning experience and move on. I am not going to apply anywhere he works. I am going to move on and be disappointed in the fact that I did not get the job, but not be mad at him for doing his job.
 
I would have felt betrayed on many levels...if he did not feel comfortable with you working there, he should have said so...I would have handed him his head and his suitcase and told him to sleep in the barn until he grew a brain and some communication skills...I'm just sayin'....
You have to realize you have as many rights as he does...
 
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That's some folks' answer to everything, though.. Some folks do precisely what they want without a thought for how it might affect anyone else because, if it does, that's THEIR problem..

If you're over 8 years old and still act that way, to me, that's the mark of a world-class jerk.

That's not directed at anybody in particular, either....especially not the OP. I'm just talking about that "that's YOUR problem" type of person in general...

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Good for you guys. Glad it worked out.

Everybody's different.

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Go back and read my very first post in this thread...note where I said he handled it "poorly, at best."

I agree -- he should have said something first if he didn't want her in his workplace.

At this point, though, I don't even think that's what it is... I think he just tried to show some impartiality by doing what he'd normally do and the hiring guy picked the other candidate.. Unfortunately for him, now she's ticked off because he put the other resume on the stack.

To me, that's wrong... It's wrong for her to have expected special treatment because she's his wife.

Think for one second about how the person who was ultimately hired would have felt if she'd come to find out that she almost got the job, but that her resume was left off the stack because a manager's wife had her resume in the stack.

Seriously...just think about that, and you tell me which would have been the bigger injustice?!??

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Contrary to what seems to be a pretty popular belief around here these days, a man shouldn't have to check his feelings at the door to avoid being labelled a "controller." Men are allowed to have opinions just like women, if our opinions happen to threaten your complete and total freedom to do whatever you want to do, it's not fair to call us "controllers."

Indeed, it's more than a little sexist.

It would be the same as me getting knocked out of doing something on account of my wife's feelings, then turning around and calling her a "ballbuster."

And, again...if the OP considers her husbands impartiality in his place of work to be a betrayal of trust, I'm sticking with my conclusion that this is a BLESSING.
 
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Well, I hope the OP and her husband work this out. It seems that the real problem was that he encouraged her to apply but then in a way recommended someone else. It's just wierd that he would hand deliver somebody else's resume. Why didn't the other woman bring her application to the head of the department that had the job opening or the human resources department? By delivering it on her behalf, he was kind of saying, "I recommend this one." That's not impartial. Sabotaging his wife's chances (even if you don't want her working for the same company) is not impartial. I also hope that he apologizes. After all, encouraging someone you love and then hurting their chances isn't very nice. Even if it wasn't intentional and just "bad handling" of the situation, it warrants an apology. Communication and respect is important in a marriage.
 
I was also curious as to why the woman did not turn in her own application. Was she supposed to turn it in to your husband first?
 
Haven't you guys ever put a resume or an application in somewhere and hear "We don't have anything right now, but we'll keep your resume on file and let you know if something else comes up."

Haven't any of you ever gotten a call saying "We filled the position you applied for, but we have an opening in a different department that we'd like to talk to you about."

I have. Applied for a tech counter job at a retail computer shop once only to get a call from the sales manager telling me that the tech job was gone and my app had been passed on to him for a sales position. Interviewed, got the job, and within a few months I ended up transferring to the tech counter like I wanted to begin with.

It happens a lot.. Many companies keep resumes on hand -- especially if the people who turned them in seem like they'd be a good overall fit for the company.. Maybe they keep a stack of the toss-ups or people they'd like to have hired but couldn't so they can come back and start making phone calls when something opens up later.. Hiring out of a stack you've already got on hand beats going through the cost and hassle of advertising open positions, then pouring over a whole new slew of resumes and applications, etc..

I just don't get why this seems so out of the ordinary when it's really not.

I mean...her husband said he only did what he'd do if his wife was NOT in the running for the job. That's it. Does anybody here have any real reason to disbelieve him? I certainly don't..

Given the OP's most recent update, it kinda seems like she's come to that conclusion herself.
 
It comes down to one simple point.

The husband should have not been involved in any phase of a job interview/hiring that concerned his wife. That is the way to maintain impartiality. I can not understand how any one in the HR dept would have even spoke to her husband, the mere speaking to him would have contaminated the whole job interview process.

The HR dept and the husband needs to have their combined arses kicked.

After thinkimg about this over night, I think maybe the OP was done a favor she does not fully understand yet. WHO IN THE HECK WANTS TO WORK FOR ANY COMPANY THAT HANDLES BUSINESS LIKE THAT!!!!!!!

Believe me in the long run she may be better off getting a job somewhere else.

Yes! I have gotten the reply that says nope--- no job for you. They say it in several smarmy, warmy ways but it all comes down to the same thing, no job for you.
 
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But what if completely removing himself requires him to do something differently than he would normally have done were it not for his wife's app being in the stack?

That's not impartial either -- especially considering that removing himself from the process in this situation would have eliminated some competition for his wife! Indeed, that's pretty much the opposite of impartiality, IMHO..
 
Let's all play a little devil's advocate here..
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Say a member of BYC posts here and says:

"I just got hosed! I applied for this job and did really well on the interview, but the guy who interviewed me picked someone else.. That sucked, but what really sucks is that I just found out from some friends who work there that another position opened up that I would have been perfect for!

Get this, though... The guy who interviewed me didn't give my application to the manager of the other department like he's supposed to because his wife applied for the same job! Needless to say, she was hired.
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GRRRRRRRRRR I'm so mad I could spit nails right now!!!!!!!!"

What would you guys be saying THEN?!?

Would anyone say "It would have been morally wrong of the guy to betray his wife's trust by not withholding your application. He did the right thing."

Um, yeah...I highly doubt it.
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To the OP's husband -- GOOD CALL.
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I think in EITHER situation. The OP's or this fictional one
The hubby should NOT have ANY say to encourage the Hiring manager in either direction.

If he had any brains at all he would remain very neutral about it - even if the HR manager did directly ask him what he thought.
 
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