Help me understand, Please.

HugHess said:

I would find my S.O. a raised tomato bed before I found myself on an empty couch!

Good luck with that.

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I need dumber chickens!!!
I thought I had restored domestic tranquility.

I put up a white picket fence to keep the chickens out. I put a green net fence outside that. Also note in the pictures the bed is raised.




Last night we were sitting in the yard, feeding the chickens their treats and drinking a corona lite with a little lime. Life was good!

The little woman was clearly happy with me. I was in good graces.

Then one chicken ruined it all. A smaller production red cockerel, walked over to the tomatoes and looked at them and fence. My wife was congratulating me on thwarting his plans for tomato dessert. Then the little S.O.B looked up and jumped, landing right on top of the fence. My wife said a nasty wood and ran after the chicken. The chicken jumped into the tomatoes.

My wife tried to catch it. It was running around and through the tomatoes to avoid being captured. It looked like a cross between a clown car and a Chinese Fire drill (the thing we use to do as kids) when I made a nearly fatal error. I laughed.


She said some things, the gist of it was get out of your chair and help me catch this chicken. So beings a reasonably intelligent person, I complied.


We removed said chicken, sat back in our chairs hoping the trouble was over. It was not.

Did you know chickens are not great innovators with their 7 brain cells, but they will copy anothers action at the drop of a hat. I had no more than a sip of my corona down, when their were 3 chickens in the tomatoes. Looks like I will sleep on the couch again tonight....

Back to the drawing board.

Oh this thread has me in stitches! Our fight is always the same..."You keep your chickens fenced in", "No, you keep your garden fenced in!"

suebee said:

Oh this thread has me in stitches! Our fight is always the same..."You keep your chickens fenced in", "No, you keep your garden fenced in!"

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Its is a never ending battle. One in which my wife uses illegal warfare!

Now I am not without feelings towards the gardeners in our midst . I myself am somewhat of a gardener. I am raising potatoes and pumpkins this year. Because of the cold late spring and a minor case of pneumonia which kept me in the hospital during planting time, I elected to limit my crops.

My chickens have never hindered my potatoes, A viney crop much like a tomato. As a matter of fact I am having a great crop this year! I am finding no potato bugs and very few cut worms. I credit my chickens this success as a organic all natural pest control device!

Why my wife does not embrace then thusly is beyond me.

Look at this beauty:


This one is larger than a basketball already! I grow these for my grandkids Halloween. The chickens have done nothing to hurt them!


I think my wife is just not a very good gardener. Let me give you an example. When her lettuce was mysteriously shrunken to ground level, she accused my chickens. I doubt it. It could have been deer, skunks, or even turtles. A little known fact is turtles love lettuce.

BUT I being the bigger better human did not bring these other animals to her attention, I assumed she was right and tried to help her realize she should have planted the lettuce somewhere else. I simply asked, " what kind of stupid do you have to be to plant lettuce where chickens can get to it?"


Well, she took it wrong.

I ended up spending a week on the couch, I would welcome your help in teaching me how to get her to accept constructive criticism in a more adult fashion......


BTW I have found a way to solve the problem of my having to sleep on the couch so much, at of all places Walmart!
For less than 60 bucks I got this:




I look forward to never having another bad nights sleep!

Well as long as you keep using the word stupid, you will be glad you invested in that bed.

If you don't want to beware of hat pins, I am going to suggest breaking out the manners books and looking up some friendlier words to direct to the wife.

.........at least you are not sleeping in the chickencoop.......yet!...............

enola said:

Well as long as you keep using the word stupid, you will be glad you invested in that bed.

If you don't want to beware of hat pins, I am going to suggest breaking out the manners books and looking up some friendlier words to direct to the wife.

.........at least you are not sleeping in the chickencoop.......yet!...............

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Ahh Yes...But if you read closely I did not call her stupid.............

Sleeping in the chicken coop is a dream of mine.

I didn't say you called her stupid.......... but you have to admit you used the word........... after all "we" realize you didn't call your wife stupid........... however, I am pretty certain she does care about us......... (just the tomatoes and maybe the chickens)

ETA - pretty sure she does NOT care about us......... oops

For those of you that cannot figure it out,,,

This is a very loose narrative of the on going chicken/tomato conflict. I reserve the right to embellish, fabricate and use any other creative method I can think of to tell my story..


BTW It is ramblings for a reason.....cause it is just rambling.


BTW I did use the word stupid, which is actually a very mild word in my vocabulary. Many words I use are not allowed in church or on here.

Very nice pumpkin! We have tomatoes, squash, red & green pepper, but I'm most excited about the watermelon. Most times they start to rot before ripening. I call them quitters. There's just not enough sun actually. Our Golden Retriever swipes more out of the garden than the chickens do so he's shifting the blame and my chickens come out smelling like a rose. Sweet lil angels.

*crawling under chair* I under stand the use of 'stupid' in uour context. I guess I screwed up when I tried to explain that your wife misconstrued the meaning. (Like you need me to explain your wife up you........)


Anyway, if your dream comes true and you get to sleep in the hen house........ watch those chicken toe nails on your mattress!

May I come out from under the chair now?

enola said:

*crawling under chair* I under stand the use of 'stupid' in uour context. I guess I screwed up when I tried to explain that your wife misconstrued the meaning. (Like you need me to explain your wife up you........)


Anyway, if your dream comes true and you get to sleep in the hen house........ watch those chicken toe nails on your mattress!

May I come out from under the chair now?

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LOL sure come on out!!

suebee said:

Very nice pumpkin! We have tomatoes, squash, red & green pepper, but I'm most excited about the watermelon. Most times they start to rot before ripening. I call them quitters. There's just not enough sun actually. Our Golden Retriever swipes more out of the garden than the chickens do so he's shifting the blame and my chickens come out smelling like a rose. Sweet lil angels.

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The chances of me getting a watermelon to ripen is even less than my chances of getting eggs to hatch.....

I had sheep and goats once many many years ago.....You wanna hear lots of ....%^$%& animals... My &^%^ flowers are gone.....

Now that I think of it...I should buy another sheep and a goat or two....She would love my chickens then!