The NFC B-Day Chat Thread

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Blooie said:
The gentlemen and admins in the room will please turn their backs and/or cover your eyes. Thank you very much.

Okay ladies, I just wasted 6 hours going to Billings, bra shopping. Needed new undies that are comfortable yet help my formals look as nice as possible. Yeah, right.

The key is finding the right fit. Hey, you ain’t coming at me with a tape measure, Ma’am. I did that once....cried for a week!

So if we take the band measurement, going up if it’s an uneven number, then subtract that number from the actual bust measurement, we’ll be able to calculate your exact size. Huh? 32AAA? Can we try that again with a real measuring tape? Barbie wants hers back now. And the real joke is that these measurements are taken over the bra being currently worn. Um, if this one fit, I wouldn't BE here, so why in the world should that suddenly be an accurate way to judge the correct size?

Okay, it looks like you need a 38G. Unfortunately we don’t carry them in that size. Of course not. That would have made sense. Besides, a bra shop can never carry too many 34B lace demi-bras, right?

Now let’s think about styles. We have 130 styles. Yep, and all of them for size 2 fitness princesses with perfect chests. That ain't me. Most of the time I'm not sure where my boobs end and my bellies begin.

Sports Bra. Um, no. I tried one of those once. After I tore a muscle in my neck getting the darn thing on, it pushed the girls right through to my back. Looked terrible, but I'll bet I'd have been fun to dance with. Not exactly the formal look I am here for.

Strapless. Do I look like I want to wear a lace belt with padded cups? And look at the back on that thing! It would take me 2 days to get that many hooks done up and by then I would have forgotten where I was going in the first place!

Underwires. Why don’t we just go back to whalebone? There is no way 2 bent guitar strings under intense pressure are going to stay in one place. SPROINNNNGGGG!

No underwires. Ah, yes. Just fine under loungewear - under formal clothes that uniboob look is just not attractive. At all.

Fitted Center gore. Yes, nice bra-fitting expert lady. I KNOW it’s supposed to lay flat against the skin. So why are you bringing me 47 bras where the gore sits so far away I could fit a Mack truck under the center gores?

Lacy is so feminine. Lacy is also flimsy, itchy and provides less support than a deadbeat dad. Next!!

Minimizer. Now there’s a misnomer if I ever heard one. How can a bra style that makes me have to go up 2 sizes to fit and looks like it came from Sioux Falls Tent and Awning Company minimize a doggone thing?

Let’s fit for the shape of your...well... you knows. Great idea! Pick one. You got a 50/50 shot at being right, madam. They are called “breasts”, not “you knows”. Do I LOOK 12 years old to you? I realize that at my age they don't look like the sets in the glossy magazine pictures, but then I don't exactly have an air brush and a lift kit in my makeup bag.

The perfect band size will fit low on the back. Who the heck wears a bra where the band is SUPPOSED to sit at the small of the back? Is this a bra or a girdle?

This bra will help accommodate sloped shoulders and the slight dowagers hump here. First off, if you're trying to get me to fork out $75.00 for a bra, referring to my slight birth defect as a “dowager’s hump” ain’t getting you any closer to my checkbook. Second, any bra that accommodates my sloped shoulders will just result in two appendages that are looking dolefully straight down at the floor - definitely not looking youthfully forward.

Ah, I think we found the perfect fit! No gaps, full coverage, gore lays flat, band size is correct. Yep, looks great from the front. But at some point in my life I will have people standing behind me. Do I really want them to wonder how many tussling, jostling squirrels are playing hide-and-seek above and below the band on my back? In the immortal words of Larry the Cable Guy, “Looks like a can of biscuits done just exploded.”

The ever popular body shaper. Look, if lettuce, Slim Fast and a treadmill can’t fix it, I doubt that spandex will accomplish much either. No undergarment in history has made the body shaper’s contribution to blubber pushed up under the armpits with a simulataneous uniboob seem "popular". As a bonus, we also get flaps like a 747’s wings where our necks should be. I’ll pass, thanks.

In the end, I walked out with 3 new bras. I figured if I bought them home, cut them apart, then sewed the best parts of each one into one single bra I might be good to go. And I only spent 40 bucks. I hope she finds a new job. She looked pretty mad when she tossed her time card at the manager.
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I get it Blooie!:hugs:barnie:gig
bruceha2000 said:
I think there used to be a 12 step program for that "disease" Cap. Only it failed because there were so few people who had need for it. You are special!


:lau:gig SURE, like I'm not going to read the whole post with that intro!


Ken is there to help with that sort of thing.

Maybe you just need a nice antique whalebone corset. Wouldn't want any current whales to be harmed in your struggle to contain the girls in an attractive manner.
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:gig
Blooie said:
Oh, I love it too! Awesome!

Thanks, FD....What is this book everyone keeps after me to add stuff to? :lau
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You can be the next Erma Bombeck!
 

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