Family Vent - Sorry, this is long, but I really need to air it.

If I thought the situation was okay why would I be venting about it? Why would I post about t at all? I'm not stupid, but this isn't the worst situation I've ever been in. I've been homeless so for me, personally, having any sort of roof over my head is a huge bonus right now. That being said, I want to point out again, I never once said I was okay with this situation. I can't even remotely begin to understand why you think I, or my husband, would be. What part of anything I've said makes it seem even remotely like we're remotely happy with this situation? We've been working hard for years to get out of this situation.


To the other points:

- We own our trailer and the land it is on. We're only going over for washing purposes. Not ideal, but the only other option is going down to the truck stop to use their shower and do our laundry which adds up quickly.

- We're going to get water for the trailer if we can't get their house. It costs $5,000 to tap into the water here and then we have to finish the rest ourselves. If we can manage to find someone who can put a small septic tank in that's another $5,000. If we can't get septic our next step is a composting toilet.

- The contract we were going to work up was going to go through a lawyer and have everything done to make it legal or else I wouldn't have bothered bringing it up.

- The in-laws are moving at the end of April and only coming back when they come to get more stuff and then leave again. We can use their house for continued washing while they continue moving out.

- We have been saving, paying off debt and rebuilding credit to get out of this situation. As much as I would love it, credit doesn't improve overnight.

- I already stated that once I get my health under control enough to allow me the opportunity to learn how to drive I wanted to do so so I could try to find a job. Beyond that my husband has told me he doesn't want me working until I can go outside by myself without having a total breakdown and ending up with a high fever. Like credit, medical and mental problems take time. Like everything else they cost a lot of money to repair and my doctors are still playing "find the right pill" after 4 years. It's not like I'm sitting here like a lazy princess waiting for my prince to slay the dragon. I work hard every day battling my own dragon and taking care of my health as needed to keep improving.

- We aren't here by choice. We're here because it's literally the only option available right now. I have been using every resource available for 3 years to find a better option and have yet to find one. We're making the best out of a horrible situation and working toward a brighter tomorrow. I refuse to be shamed for that.

I'm not "shaming" you.
Once you post information on the web you are opening yourself up to all kinds of comments..good and bad.

What I would do is go to my MIL, sit her down, and ask her straight out. Why are you so cruel, what is wrong with you? But that's just me.

I actually already know. She's a very selfish person who needs to be the center of attention.

Example: When my SIL's dad was on his death bed she became upset over not getting all of the attention. My SIL was worried about her mom and upset about her dad. MIL checked into the same hospital as him which was also SIL's workplace. She threw tantrums every day because SIL still wouldn't come in to take care of her instead.

Two examples for us would be when she flat out told me she wished I had succeeded in my suicide attempt. She said I was ruining her life and stealing her family.

She told my husband she didn't care if he died too. She said neither she nor his dad love him and his brother had already given them grandchildren. (She knew I couldn't have children.)

There are so many other times when she did similar things and/or intentionally hurt herself for attention. I've been told her mother was worse.

His dad isn't a bad guy. He just chooses to ignore what she does so she doesn't target him.

Your peeping tom fil is at best an enabler. If he didn't at minimum permit it she wouldn't be that way. If the water hook up you're talking about is public, I would look into the cost of having a well dug. In Michigan, at least, a 160 foot well costs about $6000 and no monthly water bill. I would be damed if I would pay to have water hooked up so I could pay for the water. Also since your in laws have been so generous, I would look into the fact that you don't have enough land to put a septic system in, it may be that they would have to allow you easement for the sewage system. You should refuse to pay anything for their house while they aren't home, if they want you to watch it, then they can allow you minimal use of it. People pay house sitters to watch and live in their houses while they are on vacation, not the other way around. Right now they feel they have you over a barrel and are busy using their upper hand to demean you. If you own the land your trailer is on, explain to them that when they leave, you will watch their empty house in exchange for use of their shower and laundry facilities. If they refuse, then bite the bullet, make other arrangements, and prepare to wave to the burglars that will inevitably come once its discovered that the house is empty and unwatched.
Seriously, your relatives suck. If you can get healthy enough, the only real option is for you to get a job, its fine not to want your wife to work but only realistic if you are independently wealthy or are able to make enough money for 2 to live on without both working. Good luck

No argument there. We've told him more than once if he'd just say something, anything, she'd probably back off. All he does is ignore it and get mad at us when we crack and chew her out.

They actually banned wells in my area a few years ago and forced everyone to go public or get fined. I would honestly prefer a well. On the septic thing, we heard from one of my husband's coworkers that we might be able to get a smaller one than we were originally told. If that's possible it shouldn't be a problem. We have to make some calls. We were told before we needed to get a big one with a huge leach field.

We already refused to pay anything except a small amount toward the water bill since we'll still be using their shower and laundry. They'll be leaving the electric on even if we don't go over so we didn't offer to pay any of that. My husband refused to mow their 4 acres unless his dad pays for the gas. He has been paying other family members $200/month to maintain their house in NC so it's fair we should get some amount of compensation for doing the same job they did.

My MIL said we can't live in the house because we'll break something, she "just knows it." She's also convinced we'll burn the house down. Except for one tiny grease fire that was put out with a splash of baking soda we have never set fire to anything unintentionally.

Our neighborhood has a known thief in it so I'm already expecting him to start sniffing around. If we don't watch the house no one else will. She has a running feud with the entire neighborhood.

We've been living on his paycheck for 8 years without any major problems. He makes nearly $20/hr at his current job (the one he got 5 years ago). $100/week goes into the credit union and the rest goes to his bank account. Once all the debt is paid off and all of these big expenses are out of the way we won't have any issues and be able to put more into savings. There's just been a lot of big, necessary things all in a row lately. My husband did buy his dad's car today so at least we have a good car now. With the warmer weather I'm just going to use the grill if the stove finally loses it's last leg. If we can get their house, they're leaving the stove, dishwasher, bed with the box springs and mattress, washer and dryer. That would kill a lot of expenses. If not, there's always Craigslist. I do still plan to get a job if I can get cleared by my doctor, but driving will be necessary so that's the first step.

As someone who lived through a foreclosure with pets believe me, I get it. Anything is better than nothing and you truly come to believe that. That said, when you describe your living situation it's not ok for you OR them. No running water, septic and no temperature control.....if health and human services were to find out not only would you be removed but animal control would step in and take the pets you love as family.

You need to find a solution and quickly. One that doesn't hinge on so many contingencies - we can do that if this happens, we'll maybe do this if these pieces into place. You can't live like that and neither can they. Set deadlines and meet them no matter what. We will have running water by _____. We will have heat by _____. You 100% need to cut ties with his parents. She sounds like a narcissist and any tie remaining she will without question exploit. There are loads of affordable living options. If you can't find one in your area then move. If your "parcel" is too small to accommodate a septic tank it's too small. Sell it and use the money to get set up somewhere livable.

If you can't get yourselves somewhere better then I'm sorry to say, the pets have to go. If you don't demand and achieve better for yourselves that's one thing but those animals deserve better. Sometimes loving another being means you need to let it go to give it what it needs.

HIPPO

Just a thought but have you looked into a compost toilet? You could have water coming in but wouldn't need a septic for the bathroom.

And also, can you sell your trailer parcel & get away from those toxic in-laws??