I need to vent and my DH won't listen to me :( SORRY LONG

I figured my fellow BYC family would listen to me!

My DH and I rent (so we pay her monthly) his Grandmother's farm house and she lives in her new house about 2 acres away (so on the same property). She is still living in the past, won't spend any money and decorates her house with things from the local second hand shop (even though she has money coming out of the nose).
Problem 1: When we first moved into the house, she told me I was not allowed to use cleaning products on the vinyl flooring in the kitchen because 'it will take the shine away'. Thats fine, but the last renters had already done so and there IS NO SHINE left on these floors. It is a high traffic area in the house and the shine is gone from usage. I still use Mr. Clean on the floor, because water doesnt cut it. She doesn't want me using any cleaner on the hard wood either (even though it is scratched to h*ll).
Problem 2: In the Spring/Summer, she'd come by to drop a bill off (water or whatever) and she'd comment on how my garden looked dry. I should be watering it more often. I watered my garden once a day or every two days. I work FULL TIME, leave at 7am and don't get home till 5:30pm. My DH same thing. I do my best.
Problem 3: My Chickens. This is the doozy. Ofcouse when she lived in the farm house, they always had chickens. She fed them EVERYTHING from the kitchen, bones, meat..EVERYTHING. I do not feel my chickens need extra junk. They only get their feed, scratch, and veggies/fruit. I don't give them meat because, why the heck would I feed my chickens with other animals? It just doesnt make sense to me. Anyways. She was ok with not saying anything all summer, other than the food issue (she actually went INTO my garbage, took out bad celery and took it to my chickens...my DH wouldnt let me stop her). Now that it is cold out, I provide the chickens with the heat lamp at -5 degrees (at night). I leave the chicken door open all day and all night, so they can go out when they want. I guess DH told her that I provide heat for them, and she CALLED ME to tell me I dont need to do that, that she NEVER gave hers heat. I said Thank you but I only do it when its cold at night. I thought that was the end of that. BUT NO! DH and I came home from shopping on Saturday and realized the chickens weren't outside in their run...I went in and she had CLOSED the chicken door and put a bail (sp) of hay infront of the door, to block any cold from coming in. I AM SO MAD! LEAVE MY CHICKENS ALONE! I wanted to call her, but DH wouldnt let me. He says "she is just trying to be nice.."
So last night we went to a family birthday party and she was there. She said to DH "so did you see what I did to the door?" and he said "yes, but why did you do that?" and she said "So you wouldn't have to heat them! We never let our chickens out in the winter" and I couldnt stay quiet. So I said nicely "but Oma (grandmother in German) they like going outside during the day!" and she backed down and looked upset and said 'well whatever, this way you dont have to pay to heat them'
I was so upset I literally walked out of the room and sat alone in the living room. I want to tear her face off. DH won't talk to me about it because he knows we can't ask her to stop and thats what I want him to do.
ADVICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (sorry so long, this has been building for along time now)

May I add, she says all of this with a little nervous laugh at the end...so you can't get mad at her.

Move. Move far away from her, or get used to it. You are in a no win situation, sorry to say.

Have you tried sitting down with her to talk to her about it? That this is your way of doing things and you are just as stubborn about it as she is about doing things her way?

Ugh....family sometimes drives ya nuts!!!!

The floors: I use Future Floor finish on my kitchen floor and I have used it on the hardwood before too. Just wash them real good and them squirt this on and mop it around and let it dry.....great stuff.
As for the chickens.....Just tell her that you enjoy spoiling them by keeping them warm and smile at her. She might enjoy pushing your buttons....
Good luck
Tink

I hate it when people mess with my babies. When im not home my aunt goes out and just throse the food on the floor, I get so mad. I tell he they have feeders, Then she gives me the exuse"well i was sick that day". AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, how hard is it to just poor the food in the feeders. It takes 2 seconds more! The worst part is she even does it when its raining!!!!!!! Then when she dosent throw the food on the floor she puts pie pans in there and that makes me furiouse! She putts the food in the pie pans and puts the pans right next to the original feeder but, puts no food in the original feeder. It so anoying.



Sorry i had to vent to.

Get a lock. If she can't get to them she can't mess with 'em.

That's a tough situation, Old folks are set in their ways and very rarely change. It's a grin and bear it situation if she won't listen to you. Is there any way to add some fencing with a locked gate to keep her away from the chickens? Just keep you chin up, this won't be a problem forever.

I actually did propse that idea to DH, put a new lock on the barn door, but he says 'its her barn, we can't do that'. I have been grinning and bearing for the last year living there. I didnt even mention my Mum situation! SHe was doing something at our house and noticed one of my two potted mums had fallen out of the pot (it was very windy that day). SHE TOOK IT HOME! Left me with ONE mum at the end of my walk way! what! Daniel, DH, wouldnt let me say anything. I was so furious, I wanted to call her and say, WHY DIDNT you just take BOTH!

It is sadly to the point where I'm looking for someone to slaughter them, I could never do it myself. I told DH that i'm going to find someone by the end of the week. And I dont think I'll be getting chickens again, while living there atleast.

I am so sorry about your situation. I hope everything gets sorted out. You'd think december would be a month of happiness?

Seeing how your DH won't listen............I'd just say what you want to his grandmother about the situation. Then if she tells him what you said, maybe he would listen then! This is a tough thing tho because, it's her house and his grandmother. When you clean the floors just lock the doors so she can't get in to catch you using cleaners! If she has a key, add a deadbolt! Good luck..

Never rent from or to any family members or close friends! I've been a property owner with rentals for 23 years. It's a business, family member and friends expect special treatment above and beyond the business connection(even when renting from them). What grandma is doing, by law, is considered trespassing, evasion of privacy and harassment so before the relationship creates anymore animosity, think seriously about moving.

Lori