Appropriate for this group.

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital .

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the
line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the
Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press,
nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the
beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy
to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie
down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.

(Well, my job is done .....Your turn)

96969696969696 I really am dysexic LOL 96969696

It makes it hard to pay the bills sometimes. I think it is 35.00 But it is really 53.00 LOL I have to go over the bills 3 or 4 times before I am sure I got it right.

The one of the little voices is telling me to repeatedly press 1 for the mother ship and another voice is telling me to get someone else to do it for me because it won't actually make me happy but with the menopause suicidal hot flash and the short term memory loss, I just completely forgot the whole thing anyway!!!


Very funny Randy! Thanks for contacting all of us unstable folks, we appreciate your concern!!

Guilty...I'm most of those, so I guess I'll just hold...