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Clean Blonde Jokes!!!

post #1 of 220
Thread Starter 

Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?"  

This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours."  

The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing."  

"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.   After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.  

Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled their collars off while they were playing."

"There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.  

After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!"

 

 

Another joke:

 

 

Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.

The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.

 

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post #2 of 220

A blond is telling her bff about her first time riding a horse. "So I got on this pretty little horse and  it just took off galloping with me.  I tried to hang on but, the saddle was so slippery that I started to fall off. I was yelling for help and hanging on for dear life. I had my arms wrapped around it's neck. I really thought I was going to die. It was so scarry" The bff said "Oh my God!  How did you get it to stop?" Blond says "Oh this nice man just came up and he saved me"  Bff "How did he stop it?" Blond "He unpluged it from the wall and it stopped. I thanked the man for saving my life and he just laughed - like it was no big deal" Bff "Really? It was a Walmart horse?"   

post #3 of 220

A blonde is driving down a road past a field.  She notices another blonde in the middle of the field, furiously rowing in a row boat.  The blonde stops her car, gets out and yells to the other blonde: "It's blondes like you that give us a bad name!  If I could swim, I'd come out there and give you a piece of my mind!"

post #4 of 220

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!

post #5 of 220

Blonde was hunting, shot an elk a man came up as she was tagging  the elk and the blonde said "this is my elk and you are not taking it" the guy said "lady, I just want my saddle".

post #6 of 220
Quote:
Originally Posted by chickened View Post

Blonde was hunting, shot an elk a man came up as she was tagging  the elk and the blonde said "this is my elk and you are not taking it" the guy said "lady, I just want my saddle".

 

lau.gif

 

So far all of these are really funny! 


Edited by Matthew3590 - 8/23/12 at 9:57pm
post #7 of 220
Thread Starter 

A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.

The blonde guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father?"

----------------------------------------

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking ... and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away ... Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says "Hellooooooo, can you see Florida ...?"

 

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post #8 of 220

blonde goes to the clinic for a pregnancy test

doctor says "you're pregnant"

blonde says "OMG, is it mine?"

It's nice to be at the top of the food chain
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post #9 of 220

lau.gif

BYC Member since 4/11/2002 Welsummers and Champagne d'Argents

                                     WCNA & ASCA Member

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BYC Member since 4/11/2002 Welsummers and Champagne d'Argents

                                     WCNA & ASCA Member

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post #10 of 220

There's only ever been 2 blond jokes

 

Every thing else you hear is true.

 

 

 

                   bun.gif

       improvise adapt and overcome     

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       improvise adapt and overcome     

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