Clean Blonde Jokes!!!

kyla

Songster
8 Years
Apr 7, 2011
301
5
113
Hope, Indiana
Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?"
This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours."
The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing."
"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde. After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.
Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled their collars off while they were playing."
"There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.
After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!"


Another joke:


Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.

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A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.
Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,

"I can't take this, you're my friend."

But the blonde insisted saying,
"No. A bet's a bet."

Then the redhead said
"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied
"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"


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A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to dye her hair so she would look like a brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,

"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."
The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
 
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Three girls just died, one brunette, one redhead, and one blonde. They were standing at the bottom of the stairway to heaven. There are one hundred steps. The devil came and told them he would tell them a joke on every step. If they laughed, he would take them to hell.
On the twentieth step, the brunette laughed and was sent to hell.
On the sixtieth step, the redhead laughed and was sent to hell.
On the one hundreth step, the devil was preparing to tell his final joke when the blonde finally laughed. The devil asked, "Why are you laughing? I haven't even told the joke yet!"
She was still laughing when she said, "I just got the first one!!"

3:)
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A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow 5000 dollars. The loan officer says they will need some kind of collateral for the loan so the blonde hands him the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked at the curb and she has the title. It all checks out, so the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde using a $250,000 Rolls Royce as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee drives the car into the bank's underground parking garage and the blond departs. Two weeks later, the blonde returns and hands over the $5,000 plus interest, which came to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out well for us all, but we did some research and found out you're a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother taking a loan out for $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

As a blonde, I approve this joke ;)
 
She spent 25 minutes staring at the Orange juice box cos it said - "concentrate"
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When she saw the sign for YMCA she said: "LOOK, those people have spelled MACY'S backwards!
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She put lipstick on her forehead cos her boyfriend told her to make up her mind.
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she tried to drown a fish.
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She got locked up in a super market and starved to death.
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it took her 2 hours to watch 6o minutes.
 
A blond is telling her bff about her first time riding a horse. "So I got on this pretty little horse and it just took off galloping with me. I tried to hang on but, the saddle was so slippery that I started to fall off. I was yelling for help and hanging on for dear life. I had my arms wrapped around it's neck. I really thought I was going to die. It was so scarry" The bff said "Oh my God! How did you get it to stop?" Blond says "Oh this nice man just came up and he saved me" Bff "How did he stop it?" Blond "He unpluged it from the wall and it stopped. I thanked the man for saving my life and he just laughed - like it was no big deal" Bff "Really? It was a Walmart horse?"
 
A blonde is driving down a road past a field. She notices another blonde in the middle of the field, furiously rowing in a row boat. The blonde stops her car, gets out and yells to the other blonde: "It's blondes like you that give us a bad name! If I could swim, I'd come out there and give you a piece of my mind!"
 
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!
 

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