Daughter's boyfriend is choking her...need advice please

[redhen]

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But.. this is the concern...
Sorry.. double post..

 

[noodleroo]

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I don't see this as sexist. It just so happened that HE was the one choking her AFTER she tapped out. That is the problem.

Yes, both of them were fighting. Would I call the police? Probably not because I, too, believe that would be a waste of time. Is this a proper way for people who supposedly love each other to behave? No, never.

There is no such thing as a 'minor assault' between a boyfriend and girlfriend. It's like being 'a little pregnant'.

 

[ChickensAreSweet]

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[ChickensRCool]

I think, at the very least, that you need to go visit your daughter PERSONALLY (this will show her that you are VERY concerned). Take your husband with you and tell her how concerned you both are. Bring her father, and anybody else that she respects and listens to, into this discussion as well. Don't alienate, just show her that you're worried. Being there in person and talking to her might give you a better idea of what the relationship is like, and just how much trouble she might be in. From there you might have a better idea of what you need to do. When all these people who care for her show how concerned they are about her relationship it should hopefully make her seriously think about the boyfriend. This worked for my sister who was in a similar relationship.

 

[Moxiechick]

I can understand playfighting that accidentally gets out of hand, but to ignore a tap out???? A tap out means immediate release, cease and desist, no matter what. This should not require time to think about. It should be automatic.
If he has so little regard for her safety that he ignores a tap out, or gets so carried away that the tap out doesn't register, then he is dangerous.

 

[onthespot]

X2. I rough housed a lot, total tomboy, and tap out is THE RULE!!! If anyone says uncle, at any time, for any reason, it's OVER. Anyone who keeps on (and the other person can't breathe) is trying to kill or come close to killing, the other person. Like the "fainting" game, but without consent of the faintee. People die playing that game, much less playing it with a choker that won't quit.

 

[justbugged]

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x2
Ignoring the tap out was the line he crossed.

 

[kristenm1975]

I've read each of your responses and I thank you all for your concern and your personal experiences. The next step for me is going out there asap to have a meeting with her and her boyfriend and my husband. I want her to get that I've heard her and I believe that she was afraid and that something needs to be done to address the issue. I want to speak to her boyfriend face to face and let him know what he did isn't going to fly. I think there's room for us to talk about this at this point. He has a strong mother who would likely beat the tar out of him if she knew he laid a finger on my daughter.

Thank you again everyone! I appreciate so much hearing all the different points. It helped me to take the next step.

 

[Maddhatter]

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No background info is needed. That boy is not a man. The fact that your daughter told you about what happened proves that she knows that it is wrong. There is no excuse. There is no argument that turns into playful wrestling. Your daughter needs your protection. I wont tell you what that boy needs because this is a family friendly website. I hope and pray that your daughter will be fine.

 

[ebwy2]

maybe the idiot kid didn't know what a tap-out is. I know I didn't when I was younger.
not excusing his behaviour, but ignoring a tap-out isn't a huge thing if you don't know what they are.

and tbh I can't imagine any one I grew up with knowing and obeying tap-outs either, even in play fighting. play-wrestling, maybe, but not playfights.

on the other hand, there's a line between fun and not-fun, and mostly we all knew where it was.

(there may be cultural differences here, though. Maybe all kids over there know what a tap-out is, I wouldn't know)