Funny fart stories: you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll gag!!

[SilverM0on]

when i was around 5 or 6 years old i had a babysitter...
she was an old woman.. i still remember how toxic her husband fart were... he farted on the second floor and all the kids went to play in the basement for an hour

well she taught us how to fart politely and help plant grow at the same time

in front of the door there was a big plant.. the "fart eating plant"
if you had to fart you had to do it there and nowhere else
oddly i never saw her husband feed it this plant seemed to be feed only gaz from kid

 

[JennsPeeps]

I just want to tell everyone how proud I am that 25 pages about flatulence and there's not a single mod intervention.

 

[seismic wonder2]

I think church makers go to school to learn the resonant frequency of "nitrus fartside".... There is no possible way to sneek one out because the initial probability of farting during a silent pause is directly proportional to the length and volume of said fart.

It's a science.......


At work we have coinned the phrase "Click and Drag".

We used to have a contest to see how many cubicles we could gas after the inital "click" outside the main door. If you walk at the right speed you can get some real distance...

 

[@migocontodos~]

oh lord..I'm dehydratd from laughing till I have cried.

My family owns and operates a convenient store in the small town in which I live. Everyone knows everyone. Yes, it's that small.

Well Saturday morning is always a madhouse there because people just come in to hang out and talk.

Since a week after my nephew was born he has spent an ungodly amount of time in the store. You can say he has been raised there.

One Saturday morning when he was 2.5, he was sitting in the floor behind me playing with some toys. My stomach was killing me so I did the one cheek sneak and eased 1 out. Not 10 seconds later 5 people I have never seen in my life walked up to the counter to be waited on..and in the clearest voice that one would have thought to be a 10 year old asked from the floor..."Todd, do you need to go to the potty, cause your fot stinks"

Never again after that day!

 

[Jolyn]

Once my sister was in the grocery store and she felt her tummy start to rumble.......
She was bending over one of those refrigerator cases when she accidently let a fart rip. She thought her boyfriend was standing next to her so she said "Did you hear that one?".....and to her horror a perfect stranger said "How could you not hear it lady".........He had been standing next to her the entire time.

Needless to say she got out of there quickly.

 

[Dixiedoodle]

Well, I have two stories:

I took my mom to Walmart, for her 'walk'--she would hold on to the buggy and push it all over the story..she was 4'10" and weighed less than 90lbs.. As we walked down the large isle, she let out the loudest, stinkiest, rambling of gas(You know the kind that happens every time you take another step???), It was sooooo loud that we both turned to see if anyone was around and there stood the Pharmacist, who we saw every week or so... He was trying not to let on he smelled or heard the noise but then he busts into laughter and turns into another isle... I said "Mother, YOU know he thought I did that, because it is almost impossible for that to come out of something as tiny as you"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For yrs., every time he saw us he smiled and grinned...

Second story was, when the grandbaby was tiny, everyone was at our house--a dozen or so loud, laughing, chatting country folk...I had just taken the baby and sat down........ when I felt it coming on! I decided I would get up and go into the bathroom--just as I pushed out of the chair, it escaped --yes, a FOGHORN and at the precise moment the entire room fell silent!!!!Everyone looked at me and in unison--asked "Was that you or the baby".. I smiled and said --the first thing that popped into my brain-" a little of both'!! The entire room 'rolled' with laughter..and now every time anyone , passes gas---they say "just a little of both'!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Feathered Wings]

Just read all 25 and laughed myself silly these are some of the funniest i've ever heard!!
My DH came in and said whats wrong!!
I just kept on laughing and the tears were streaming and he just shook his head.
Thanks

 

[crtrlovr]

This story was relayed to me by Mom; I wasn't there for this

"Your dad and I were getting ready for bed, and I was sitting on the toilet when I passed some gas. Your dad wrinkled up his nose and said, "WHAT did you say?!" About that time I passed another puff, and he said, "Well you didn't have to tell me TWICE."

 

[JennsPeeps]

When my parents were first married, they were lying in bed on day and me dad had to toot. He JUMPED out of bed, dashed for the walk-in closet, and loudly fumigated.

To thsi day, my mom swears that he burned off one arm on every shirt in there.

 

[Dixiedoodle]

My son in law tells, this story on my dd... When they were dating, he arrived early one Sat. morning and was going to surprise my dd with breakfast in bed, but found her on the sofa --sound asleep.. So he slipped in and sat down in the recliner, as quite as a mouse... Just after he got comfortable, My dd let the loudest, rolling fart 'he has ever heard'!! She turned over and saw him sitting there, she turned red and started to apologize and he said "OH, yea--now,.. you gotta marry me cuz you have surly marked me for life!!!' He moved in the next week end.