I cannot believe what my neighbor did today.....

[Beekissed]

PearlD wrote:
she is loved..........

By whom? If she were loved by her family she would not be alone and she would not be behaving this way unchecked.

Why, by God, of course! And should be loved by God's children as a matter of course. Yes, she may be difficult to love but she still deserves some help and understanding. If the family won't step up, then there are agencies that will see she gets medical care. C,mon, folks, this is a family and husband in extreme denial...that is something you can't fix, but you can appeal to the proper authorities that have been put in place to help people like this.

by your own admission, the kids did trespass on her property. in the eyes of the law, ignorance is no excuse. i am not saying that the old lady is not crazy or not acting unreasonable but just letting you know that once the authorities get involved the process will be followed exactly to the letter of the law and you and your kids are just as likely to get in trouble as her.

i can hear the defacs case worker now... "just who was watching the kids while they trespassed?" "did YOU see her swerve at them?" "NO?" "was there no adult supervision while they were outside?" "i think we may just have to take these kids into protective custody until we can figure out if you are providing a safe environment for them!" don't believe it can happen like this? i saw it happen to my friends brother. be very careful when you start calling anyone involved in child protection. that deal can go south if you get a "just as crazy as the ol bat next door" case worker.

I would have to agree with this! Sometimes whistle blowers get entrapped in their own snares. BUT, if one approached this in a concerned and compassionate manner, it is more likely that someone will respect an objective viewpoint as opposed to an emotional, upset parent.

I think the OP has done a pretty good job, but I would also advise for setting some limits on the children's wandering. When I was young, everyone KNEW to stay out of old man Cochran's yard!

Not too young to use this as a lesson in respecting other's property, and the right to peace and quiet in their neighborhood.​

 

[deb1]

Quote:
She might not have to go away permanently. It is possible that she will be given medications that will stabilize her moods. If her behavior is caused by a treatable condition then she will be much happier when she gets help.

Sometimes doing the best for a person seems cruel at first but in the long run you will be doing her a favor.

I know that it is difficult.

It isn't fair that you have to do this, but you might want to build a fence along your property line. That will keep your kids from accidentally stepping into her yard.

 

[PearlD]

I appreciate everyones posts and suggestions on how to handle this delicate situation we are dealing with. I am trying to journal a pattern with Joan, so I can have everything documented if the need ever arises to file some sort of report.

**In response to michaelvcrowder:

Sounds to me like you're out for my blood.....HMMMM. Parent complaining? Kids running amuck? Could this be a cut and dried case of unfit parenting?

My first instinct to your post was to get my back up. Instead, I will approach it as if I were scolding a child. After all, you sound a tad bit like my paranoid, angry neighbor.
With all that talk of witnesses, ignorance, and your 'doubt' that my kids are following the rules of the road, it sounds like your telling me to just lock my kids up and shut my mouth. If a caseworker is contacted, I assure you that they will find no fault with these kids OR their parents. Except, of course, that they INNOCENTLY stepped across an INVISIBLE property line. ONCE. Not repeatedly. ONCE. And I can assure you again that it was handled properly on my part. I can't speak for the other parents. I dont live in a world of denial. I am actually one of those parents who DON'T think my kids are perfect. However, two parents witnessed the car incident, 3 witnessed the cops/telephone incident, and 3 witnessed the videoing (however appropriate you feel she was in doing that). These were not including the children. These were 'good' adult witnesses. And since Joan is the one with the 'boundary' issues, she should be the one putting a fence up. These kids are respectful, kind, and would never have dug a small hole on her property if they had known it was hers. Aside from that......who gives a cr*p if they did dig a small hole? I certainly wouldn't come uncorked if it happened in my yard. Kids these days could be doing SO much worse than building a chicken coop! I'll go ahead and pat myself on the back for making them play outside instead of having seizures on front of a video game.

You mentioned that the problem would be solved if I educated my kids on property lines, and kept them out of the road. Since when is it required to cater to people who live in anger and bitterness? The last I heard, pedestrians have the right of way. There are also 2 street signs posted by the County Street Dept.: 'Children at Play' & 'Watch for Children'. Clearly, our kids have EVERY RIGHT to be in the street riding bikes and socializing. Enough said.
You are right about one thing. The world IS full of crazy people. Your tone insinuated that my kids don't recognize that fact. I assure you.....they do. And I don't recall asking the 'cops' to be held responsible for anything. I'm not the one that called them.

I also don't remember saying I was going to call and report a 'crazy ole lady' to anyone either. In fact, you may want to go back and read all MY posts.......not all responses. I have a college education. I really don't need to be instructed on how to raise my kids, follow the law, or report a neighbor who has become, not only a danger to herself, but to others as well. Do you seriously think I believe that calling an agency with concerns for Joan's instability will bring about a DHR case against myself???? That's just nuts. This country is in a sad state if children can't play outside, and make innocent mistakes without their parents being cast as 'unfit'. Why do you assume my kids weren't supervised? I never said that. It seems you've assumed quite a bit in your post! Our community is crawling with kids, babies, and parents who are sick of hitting the bushes when Joan drives by in her car. And we are sick of being told that our kids can't pop 'wheelies' on a public road, just because its in front of her house. They MOST CERTAINLY CAN. Our kids can bark at her dog if they want to. They can even go so far as to draw with sidewalk chalk on the road in front of her house!!!!

Oh! The horrors! What they will not do is be bullied, threatened, badgered, harrassed, and grabbed by a woman whose brain is not functioning properly anymore. I posted this originally to gain support from others because I was torn regarding how to handle this situation. We care deeply that she is mentally unstable, and want to help her, while keeping our kids safe. All this talk of fences, keeping my children off the road (where they have every right to be as long as the road is PUBLIC), and your feelings that me and my kids are in as much trouble as she will be in......well, they seem to come from someone trying to label me an inept parent. I'm sorry your friends friends neighbors cousin had a bad experience with a caseworker. In MY experience with CASA, DHR, and Social Services...........they take kids away from seriously unfit parents. Perhaps you never heard the whole truth from that sad situation. I ask that a mod close this thread if anymore negative comments are made regarding my OP. My intention wasn't to be chastised by someone who has no clue what's even going on. I don't need anyone else bombarding me with their opinions on my parenting, my ignorant kids, and how I'd better be careful reporting my unstable neighbor for fear I might get my kids taken away. I'm afraid I might say something ugly.

 

[purplebaby]

you go girl!

 

[Beanbag]

I am the mother of two kids and it sounds to me like you either need to file a harassment complaint on her or maybe even a restraining order stating that if she steps within ten feet of your children she will be arrested. I don't care how old the lady is, even if she was 110 years old.... If someone did that to my children she'd be lucky not to have a shot gun shoved up her nose to intimdate her. I'd sure as hell try to scare the living crap out of her if getting the law involved wasn't an option. #1 rule.... you DO NOT I repeat........ DO NOT!!!! lay one finger on my child in a threatening way unless you have a death wish.

 

[Cetawin]

michaelvcrowder

by your own admission, the kids did trespass on her property. in the eyes of the law, ignorance is no excuse. i am not saying that the old lady is not crazy or not acting unreasonable but just letting you know that once the authorities get involved the process will be followed exactly to the letter of the law and you and your kids are just as likely to get in trouble as her.

Regarding the lame ignorance of the law comment, that does not apply to children. Stick with ice/rock climbing please. Children are not now nor have they ever been held to the same standards as an adult except in capital cases and multiple offenses. Digging a hole is NOT a capital case.

Children have the right to be in the street on their bikes just as your car does. Not every State and County requires helmets on bike riders in residential neighborhoods or rural areas.

Pearl posted because this matter was upsetting to her and clearly she has a heart. She wanted input on how to proceed because the situation was upsetting. At NO time did you earn the right to judge her parenting ability, style, teachings or lessons.

Personally, I think she is a very patient and caring person to have tolerated the lady this long. I would have already went to war with her and would have tried my absolute best to have slapped her into an adjacent county the second she put her hand on my kid. It would not matter to me WHO she was or what her problem was....I would be her problem at that point.

PearlID well said dear.

Hard to believe she is married to a "yes dear" minister. WOW.​

 

[Verboten]

Quote:
Is this a pat on the back forum or a discussion forum? Of course we have no clue as to the totality of the circumstances after reading a couple of paragraphs about a situation that you provided. I read 2 (hopefully there were not more) of the guy's posts that you (and followers) singled out and did not think that there was anything out of line. Everyone seems to be in agreement that this woman should not have touched your children - if you did not want suggestions on how to handle the situation then I do not know why you posted.

I also want to point out something that I did not stress in my other post on this subject - It would be a very bad idea for you and your neighbors to take the law into your own hands as you seem to imply as a possibilty.

 

[ThreeBoysChicks]

PearlD - I read this thread yesterday and feel for you and your kids. No one should mess with our kids. I understand. I appreciate your patience and kindness in dealing with this situation.

I wanted to offer you encouragement in a small story from our life. We move to our current home 6 year ago. Shortly after moving, we received complaints from our one neighbor, harassing us about our dog, then our children. Her complaint was that our children who were riding their bikes on OUR property were causing the other neighbor's dogs to bark and that was a bother to her. She did not want to hear our kids playing on our property.

Long story short, we kept a kind attitude. We addressed her concerns (but did not stop our children from doing what kids do), verified our legal rights, etc.

In the end, she apologize and told us that she was an alcoholic and had been going through a bad time and we were a convenient outlet for our rage.

What am I saying? Protect your kids, absolutely. But keep looking at the situation from your neighbor's side as there definately sounds like something is wrong there. Sounds like you are doing this already.

Good Luck!

 

[KrisRose]

Looks like Michaelvcrowder found PearlD's button. Then put an amplifier and neon lights on it just to see the reaction

.

 

[chasot]

Wow hot topic!

I have seen lot's of good advice(IMHO).

mine would be two points.

1. I don't think Michaelvcrowder's intent was to start a flame war.

2. I have been in a similar situation, did not handle it as well as I should have.
beware of "Escalation" someone will end up having to move for safety,or someone may even get hurt or killed.

I would like to see how it turns out myself, so please everybody play nice, so a MOD. doesn't have to shut er down.

Chas