I need some input on parenting and my wife.

[silkiemomma9]

Some helpful sites I hope you two can visit together:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/child-rearing-and-development/spoiling

http://m.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/ppd.html

http://www.help4newmoms.com/

And please do let us know how you all are doing?

 

[newfoundland]

Accept as much help as your wife's mum will give. She has been where your wife is, she understands the need to care for the mother as well as baby. Your wife's turn will come in the fullness of time when she is a grandmother. Like all the best help, we can never repay, but as my mum used to say, pass it on.

 

[Spookwriter]

I've read the whole post a few times over. Didn't seem
to see what I was looking for.

Straight up...Marriage isn't 50/50.

Let me give you the same advice a really smart man shared
with me many years ago...I've never forgotten this man, or the
advice he gave me.

"If you really want your marriage to work, you've got to be
prepared to give 110% every day."

I never once forgot his words. There's times this thing called
marriage is hard. It's tough. And then his words come back to
me...and I know that no matter how hard, or how tough, it is...
this is the time she needs me to step up and give it all I've got.
And then, reach down inside myself and find some more.

Whatever it takes. You have got to reach down deep and get it.

But when you look yourself in the mirror that night...you have to
know that you gave it everything you had in you.

I have a daughter...she was a baby once. And I did my best to
spoil her. I meant to. Just as I've meant to spoil my wife these
years.

My wife has given her life to me. And together, she and I created
a daughter. What a blessing they have been in my life.

My wife was sick. I took care of her, and our child, 24-7, untill such
time as my wife recovered.

Was it hard? Yes. Was it always fun? No.

But that was when they needed me with everything I had.

And that my friend, is my advice to you. Take a good hard look
at your wife.

Not as a mother...but as your wife.


Spook...who stills give 110% in making his marriage work.




P.S. ...it's me our daughter comes to. As does my wife.
My shoulders are broad.

 

[Spookwriter]

"My two eldest were brought in to the relationship by my wife."

....that's one of the coolest lines I've ever read. I cringe inside every
time I hear some version of "step-child." Always seemed as if it's
putting the child down. But THAT'S a cool line.

 

[ScottnLydia]

O.K., I'm sorry but when I read the original post, I got angry. VERY angry!!!

Some people just don't appreciate what they have until they lose it, but then it's too late!

Someone to love and support you, and a child, those are gifts from God! Treasure them! There is no guarantee that they will be there tomorrow.

15 years as a paramedic, 7 calls for SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome) that I can NEVER forget! 7 couples that would GLADLY get up and hold their babies, but can't, ...ever. Parents that are haunted with regrets.

Treasure them! Be the man, and be strong enough to love your wife with all you've got, and then find some more. Then love your child with that much again! Give them everthing you've got. Not money, not stuff, just you and your love.

I couldn't agree more with Spookwriter. In any relationship, whether marriage or parental, be prepared to give EVERYTHING, and receive nothing. That way, anything you recieve will be a delight, and no-one can disappoint you.

We are only on this earth a short, sharp while, and suddenly, you're not here anymore. Don't screw it up.

 

[debilorrah]

I've read the whole post a few times over. Didn't seem
to see what I was looking for.

Straight up...Marriage isn't 50/50.

Let me give you the same advice a really smart man shared
with me many years ago...I've never forgotten this man, or the
advice he gave me.

"If you really want your marriage to work, you've got to be
prepared to give 110% every day."

I never once forgot his words. There's times this thing called
marriage is hard. It's tough. And then his words come back to
me...and I know that no matter how hard, or how tough, it is...
this is the time she needs me to step up and give it all I've got.
And then, reach down inside myself and find some more.

Whatever it takes. You have got to reach down deep and get it.

But when you look yourself in the mirror that night...you have to
know that you gave it everything you had in you.

I have a daughter...she was a baby once. And I did my best to
spoil her. I meant to. Just as I've meant to spoil my wife these
years.

My wife has given her life to me. And together, she and I created
a daughter. What a blessing they have been in my life.

My wife was sick. I took care of her, and our child, 24-7, untill such
time as my wife recovered.

Was it hard? Yes. Was it always fun? No.

But that was when they needed me with everything I had.

And that my friend, is my advice to you. Take a good hard look
at your wife.

Not as a mother...but as your wife.


Spook...who stills give 110% in making his marriage work.




P.S. ...it's me our daughter comes to. As does my wife.
My shoulders are broad.

Amen.

 

[debilorrah]

I certainly cannot claim to know this OP's relationship with is wife, however, it sounds like they are young. OP, you had better learn to embrace your blessings as they happen, because there are times when they are far and few between. Raising a child is not about assigning shifts, it is a group effort from everyone who cares about you and the child. Lose the resentment. And next time you think about critisizing your wife, try and poop out a watermelon and let me know what you think about that - oh, and it usually takes 12-24 hours to pass that watermelon.

 

[Bunnylady]

I notice that the OP hasn't been back to the forum since he posted this. I hope that's good news - like maybe, a new job has him too busy?

To the OP: With your background in psychology, surely you know that when you come into an interaction with frustration and resentment, the best you'll get back is defensiveness. Rather than looking with a critical eye at what your wife is doing, try to look at the situation through her eyes. IMO, the relationships that last are ones where the couple don't waste effort on trying to "keep score" on who's doing what, but instead focus on supporting each other and giving to one another.

I hope that venting your frustration helped you to get it out, and get it in perspective. As Dr. Laura Schlessinger says, "Now, go do the right thing."

 

[thaiturkey]

More great advice and comments on this thread that, perhaps, will help other first time fathers.

Marriage, or any close relationship, is unlikely to be a 50/50 thing, especially if you count the minutes of who did what and for how long. What one partner can put into a relationship may be very different from what the other can contribute.

Just a word on behalf of new Dads, though. I can still remember the day! He is concerned for the mother and baby during labour. She's in great pain and there's always a risk that something might go wrong. I was determined to be at the birth of my first but, as the crash team button was hit, I was thrown out of the delivery room into the Dads' waiting room. Mother and son couldn't make it and the forceps were used to finish the job. A nurse told me that I would pass out if I stayed and they had enough to deal with already. The long wait and nail biting were rewarded when a nurse passed a huge well-wrapped baby to me saying, 'Look what you've done!' Later, I drove home on cloud nine to tell everyone, not fully realising what my wife was going through. The penny dropped when she had to return to hospital a week or so later and I had to call on the in-laws to help me.

After that was all over, I did what I could with feeding and nappies when I wasn't at work. Fathers, especially first time ones, can feel pushed out by the new arrival or not see that their priorities and timetables must changer. It's up to them to recognise that and act accordingly.

Something else that must be considered by a step father is the affect a new arrival, that's his and their mother's, may have on his wife's children. He needs, perhaps, to reassure them that they are just as loved and wanted as before.

Score keeping has no place where there's a baby to care for. You do all that you can. It's not a job with a contract and time sheet.

 

[ScottnLydia]

I notice that the OP hasn't been back to the forum since he posted this. I hope that's good news - like maybe, a new job has him too busy?

To the OP: With your background in psychology, surely you know that when you come into an interaction with frustration and resentment, the best you'll get back is defensiveness. Rather than looking with a critical eye at what your wife is doing, try to look at the situation through her eyes. IMO, the relationships that last are ones where the couple don't waste effort on trying to "keep score" on who's doing what, but instead focus on supporting each other and giving to one another.

I hope that venting your frustration helped you to get it out, and get it in perspective. As Dr. Laura Schlessinger says, "Now, go do the right thing."

How do you know the OP has a background in psychology? That was never stated.