Hello and Welcome to BYC. Glad to have you in this community. Many years ago I was faced with a task that I had never done that required me to machine a part out of expensive metal and I left that job and did one that I knew how to do. The next day I told my foreman as to why I didn't machine the part. I didn't want to make a big mistake. He told me it was alright but at the same time he told me that anyone who never makes a mistake never accomplishes much.
Welcome. I am very sorry for the loss of your chicks. I also feel bad for you. You need to forgive yourself so that you can stop carrying so much weight.