I had a run-in with a theif today, right here in the seemingly quiet, peaceful town of Sigourney, Iowa (population 2000). Goes to show you can't judge a book by it's cover...
It all started around lunchtime. I could feel my tummy growling, so decided to whip up a samich and some instant mashed potatos (since SOMEONE ate all but 5 crumbs of the potato chips then clipped the bag shut and rerurned it to the top of the fridge). Anyhow, I put the water on to boil and commenced the samich-making process. I set out the bread, then reached in the fridge, grabbed the ham, horseradish, and the last slice of cheese (at this point I seriously considered placing the empty cheese wrapper back in the fridge to make a point, but decided against it because the next person to look for the cheese would inevitably be me, thus succeeding in pissing myself off). I placed the ham and cheese on one of the slices of bread in typical samich-making fashion, but before I could slather on the horseradish and finalize my lunchtime masterpiece, I hear the unmistakable "whoosh" of boiling water escaping over the sides of the pot. Here comes the part where the theif strikes:
In the seconds, and I mean seconds that it took me to move my hand from my samich on the kitcen table, pivot-turn to face the stove, reach out to turn off the burner, and poviot-turn back to finalize my samich, the ham and cheese were gone! VANISHED!!! EVAPORATED!!! There on the table, right where my nearly complete samich USED to be, sat two naked, empty, bare pieces of bread.
I stared at them a moment, saddened by the idea that my lunch was disappearing right before my very eyes. Just as I turned to sit down and contemplate my next move in what has now become "the great samich conquest of 2012" I catch a blur of movement out of the corner of my eye.
Like a streak of lightning vanishing into the night sky, it flashed from the void between the wall and the chair, and disappeared somewhere in the three and a half inches of darkness between the back of the couch and the wall.
My jaw dropped. There must be a ghost in this house and it is clearly a theif!! There had to be some kind of correlation between the mysterious movement and my missing samich bits. I rubbed my eyes. Did I really see what I think I saw? No. It couldn't be. Was it a mouse? Was it my imagination? A mouse couldn't have grabbed all that deliciousness and took off, and yet, NOTHING can fit behind that couch!
So there I sat, for a brief moment contemplating on whether to run screaming into the bedroom and wake Christopher up for back up or just move the couch by myself and potentially meet my demise. I decided to be brave. I grabbed the biggest knife I could find and made my way into the living room. I wasn't about to battle the unknown unarmed. I took a deep breath, grabbed the back of the couch, and slid it away from the wall in one fell swoop. Suddenly, I was face to face with my samich theif...
There, behind the couch, peering up at me with ham and cheese in it's fearsome fangs, was a genuine, in the flesh, real life, Noah's Ark Ninja, disguised as a cute, fluffy kitten. Ninjas are smaller and cuter than I expected them to be, but no less lethal, I assure you... Especially if your a piece of ham or cheese.
Remind me later to go over her adoption papers again later, the people at the shelter left out the part about her being a ninja.
I always knew she was evil
It all started around lunchtime. I could feel my tummy growling, so decided to whip up a samich and some instant mashed potatos (since SOMEONE ate all but 5 crumbs of the potato chips then clipped the bag shut and rerurned it to the top of the fridge). Anyhow, I put the water on to boil and commenced the samich-making process. I set out the bread, then reached in the fridge, grabbed the ham, horseradish, and the last slice of cheese (at this point I seriously considered placing the empty cheese wrapper back in the fridge to make a point, but decided against it because the next person to look for the cheese would inevitably be me, thus succeeding in pissing myself off). I placed the ham and cheese on one of the slices of bread in typical samich-making fashion, but before I could slather on the horseradish and finalize my lunchtime masterpiece, I hear the unmistakable "whoosh" of boiling water escaping over the sides of the pot. Here comes the part where the theif strikes:
In the seconds, and I mean seconds that it took me to move my hand from my samich on the kitcen table, pivot-turn to face the stove, reach out to turn off the burner, and poviot-turn back to finalize my samich, the ham and cheese were gone! VANISHED!!! EVAPORATED!!! There on the table, right where my nearly complete samich USED to be, sat two naked, empty, bare pieces of bread.
I stared at them a moment, saddened by the idea that my lunch was disappearing right before my very eyes. Just as I turned to sit down and contemplate my next move in what has now become "the great samich conquest of 2012" I catch a blur of movement out of the corner of my eye.
Like a streak of lightning vanishing into the night sky, it flashed from the void between the wall and the chair, and disappeared somewhere in the three and a half inches of darkness between the back of the couch and the wall.
My jaw dropped. There must be a ghost in this house and it is clearly a theif!! There had to be some kind of correlation between the mysterious movement and my missing samich bits. I rubbed my eyes. Did I really see what I think I saw? No. It couldn't be. Was it a mouse? Was it my imagination? A mouse couldn't have grabbed all that deliciousness and took off, and yet, NOTHING can fit behind that couch!
So there I sat, for a brief moment contemplating on whether to run screaming into the bedroom and wake Christopher up for back up or just move the couch by myself and potentially meet my demise. I decided to be brave. I grabbed the biggest knife I could find and made my way into the living room. I wasn't about to battle the unknown unarmed. I took a deep breath, grabbed the back of the couch, and slid it away from the wall in one fell swoop. Suddenly, I was face to face with my samich theif...
There, behind the couch, peering up at me with ham and cheese in it's fearsome fangs, was a genuine, in the flesh, real life, Noah's Ark Ninja, disguised as a cute, fluffy kitten. Ninjas are smaller and cuter than I expected them to be, but no less lethal, I assure you... Especially if your a piece of ham or cheese.
Remind me later to go over her adoption papers again later, the people at the shelter left out the part about her being a ninja.
I always knew she was evil
so cute!!
