What would you do? kinda long sorry

[Freebie]

I would not move back to GA for sometime. I would develop the relationship over time. with cards, letters, e-mails and phone calls. You can raise chickens together being far apart. Heck, people do it here all the time. Just send some eggs back and forth. It seems like the chickens are an ice breaker, which is a wonderful common ground for you to develop a nice relationship with a friend. But I agree, he may never be the Daddy you have dreamed about. If you can be good friends, that is a step in the right direction.
Think long and hard, and go with what is best for you and your husband and daughter. They are your family now.

 

[Crazy4Chicks]

Well to answer a few questions -- DH does have a job waiting for him in GA whenever he wants it ( his brother has his own computer company and has DH a job will be there for him whenever ), We dont plan on living with dad and his family - we want to get our place. And the reason for leaving my daughter behind is - she lives with my parents and has lived with them since she was 3 days old ( I had her when I was way to young to take care of her - so my parents adopted her ) she does not know about the whole moving thing I wanted to make sure what I wanted to do before I told her.
We do have jobs here in NM - the reason for moving is because in a way we were happier living in GA - there were more things to do and see and a bigger place that has more to offer than this town we are in now.
There are alot more reasons to moving back other than my dad.
Oh believe me I know my dad will never be the dad of my dreams that spot is already filled by a wonderful step-dad who takes great care of my mom and daughter and is a wonderful person. So there is no false imagine of my dad in my mind - I do know the person he is, and will always be I also see why my mom married him/ left him.

thank you all for the great advice so far and the different points of view - I am not planning on moving right away ( if ever ) was just wondering ....
I know I still have alot of thinking to do and I am planning on waiting till my daughter finishes high school ( another year ) before doing anything major. I want to see her walk down in that cap and gown !!

thank you
Julie

 

[mlheran]

It kind of sounds like your daughter has been put in the same situation you were; I'd stay put, if only for her sake.

I also met my dad when I was around 16. His family and I got together at least once a month for a few years, but over time -as I was going to college and then got married- we've drifted a bit. Not unfriendly or anything, just that he has a family and my husband and I have started our own (not with kids, but even so) and we don't need to see each other as often. I just felt that it was more important to foster what my husband and I started than to try to "reinsert" a father into my life. But I'm rambling, sorry!

 

[paganfish]

My dad was absent during most of my childhood and when he was there, he was drunk! (I think I might have seen him sober a handful of times in my life.) It gets a bit complicated but, suffice it to say, he left mom before I was born. Got back with her when I was 10 and things get hazy from then on...

Long story short. After their divorce, when I was 13, I lost touch with my father and actually grew to loathe anything about him...which was dumb since, I even LOOK like him. LOL!

Later, he was diagnosed with cancer and didn't have much time to live, "would I come for a visit?" This, from a man I hadn't talked to or seen in over 20 years! I agreed to do it and let bygones be bygones. It was the most amazing thing. We didn't point fingers we just got to know each other in the short time we were together...roughly a couple of weeks. Now, I wish we had more time...alas no, he's passed on.

My situation was, however, different than yours. I was single, no kids or obligations holding me in one particular place and so I could go...if I wanted to. I guess I would if it meant getting to know my father but, I have to keep in mind that it has to be from then on...no going back no pointing fingers. Make sense?

Probably not...but, it does to me.

But I digress...I just want you to know that you are being offered a very important opportunity here and think real hard about it. Given your situation act accordingly and have no regrets. You'll feel better for it.

I do! I am SO glad I went back for the visit even though my friends and siblings were adamant against it. It was PERFECT!

Peace-

Pedro ~:-V

PS Sorry...the story ended up BEING long! LOL!

 

[Dawn419]

Quote:
Excellent post jdypat! I went through this with my bio-dad. When we went to Florida to meet him for the first time, it was great...for the first week. By week two of our visit I was ready to get home to TN. It was great "thinking" about the wonderful relationship he and I could have but then those "expectations" come into play and talk about a Reality Check!

Best of luck with whatever you decide!

Dawn

 

[seminolewind]

Hmmm, well you actually MOVED out there and stayed a FEW years, and he acted like he didn't care if you there or not. That was a mighty big opportunity you gave him to become close. Now he wants you to move out because you both like chickens? I don't think that's a good enough reason to drop everything again and move there.
Stay near your mom and DD

 

[SpottedCrow]

I just met my dad for the first time when I was almost 26ish...I had heard bad stories from my grandmother about how bad he was, never paid child support, noone from "that side" ever cared...you know how THAT goes...
Well, when I met him, I went there with an open mind. I met his new wife and my half sister and two half brothers. They're really nice!

Come to find out, the "other side" really DID care and want to have something to do with my sister and me, but my grandmother tore up the support checks, and made sure that there was no contact...

My Polish grandmother had bought two dresses for us and kept them all those years so that she could give them to us the next time that she saw us...she never did...

And I lost out on a ton of things that I could've learned from her and been part of the family...

I was almost kicked out of the house when I told my grandmother that I wanted my father invited to the wedding..didn't go over too well.

My dad and I have a good relationship and we talk on the phone and send cards back and forth. I even have an open invitation to visit him on his farm in Ocala.