Why do people post things,

[Kitt]

and want opinions just to get mad at what is said and say mean and hurtful things to the people who reply? I think if you can't sort out the good and well meaning advice/opinions from the others, then people shouldn't post. When posting please remember that everyone was raised different. Different culture, different parenting styles, etc.

If a reply is made and you aren't sure about it, p.m. the poster and ask. Don't start making accusations and getting all nasty. Just say, I took this, this way...how did you mean it. Sometimes I will reply and it just don't come out the way I mean. It is hard sometimes to post when you only see words and can't hear the voice, tone etc.

Sometimes people has a sense of humor that is different. I myself have a wicked warped sense of humor.

I am not trying to get an argument started. Just stating that sometimes think before you get defensive or down right snarky. If you have questions please pm that person and get things clarified. Sometimes an explanation will clear things up.

 

[debilorrah]

I think quite often when someone is asking for opinions, people CAN answer in a nice manner even if they disagree. The problem is that they often DO NOT. Especially when people post about family matters. These are sensitive subjects, and people sometimes don't stop and put forth the effort to tone down their answer.

And honestly? If someone can't take the time to type out a thoughtful response, they probably should just turn around and rant verbally to someone in the house instead of answering.

 

[ranchhand]

Well, I guess it would be better to just post a smiley

and that's all. But how shallow is that? No advice given when advice is asked for.

Often though, folks ask advice but only really want a post supporting their premise, agreeing with them, rather than an honest opinion or advice. When the post doesn't have all the relevant info it it, it's hard to know what they're fishing for- honest answer or just warm fuzzy justification.

I often get caught in that trap, as you well know, Debi.

I was raised to speak clearly, consistently, logically and not play the emotional game. It sounds blunt, but it is actually meant to get to the heart of the matter, not mired in the woo-woo emotional part.

I try to NOT be rude, but some seem to think I am, because I advise based upon the info given. But for every slam I get, I get many more PMs saying I was right and thanking me.

Kitt, I agree. Send a PM if you really have to. On a forum the size of BYC, there are always going to be differing opinions and sometimes, hurt feelings. And sometimes people take things much more personally than is healthy.
But that's also the GREAT part of such a huge community!

 

[Mahonri]

It's truly unfortunate, but I've found it's usually just better to ignore and move along

 

[gritsar]

Quote:
I think that's exactly what it comes down to, more often than not. The post should say, I want advice but only advice that agrees with my own thinking.

At the same time, I agree with Mahonri, best to ignore and move on. I'm still working on that one.

 

[HorseFeatherz NV]

Most people do not care to hear the truth.


And for those of us who do care to hear the truth, we have to learn to search for it amongst all the.........um, other stuff.

 

[Imp]

As the mods have posted numerous times. If you are not ready to read differing opinion and advice, maybe you should not be asking for opinion or advice. Seems to me that what the prayer/support requests are for.

Imp

And Kitt,

A wicked warped sense of humor goes a long way in keeping you sane.

 

[ranchhand]

That's what I mean, how do I know the difference until it's too late?

I try to give practical advice in any situation I have experience in - and then I get told I am heartless and/or wrong, insensitive, etc. Wish someone could hear from my 2 (step)sons, they like me fine!

Same thing with raising chickens- I've been doing it for 20 years now, so I have a lot of knowledge in that area- but then I get slammed for saying "best to cull that chick, quality of life will not be good". Or, hey, you need to clean that pen a bit more often. How do you put that into touchy-feely sensitive mode?

I just say it, and hope they understand it's based upon facts learned from experience. It's not like I'm posting just to post and giving wrong information. IMO, wrong info is worse than no info.

 

[gritsar]

Quote:
Yeah and it's the other stuff that's a real pain in the gizzard.

 

[Kitt]

I am usually a very blunt person. If I know what I'm talking about, I say it how it is. I don't usually sugar coat anything. That is why I only answer in certain post. Even tho I know I'm right and what I'm talking about, I pass it up. And it's sad because maybe someone really could have used/needed what I had to say.

Another thing, this is a chicken message board. People are here to talk, get info and learn. But I see breed bashing. I'm not "fond" of certain breeds but I will not bash them. Someone really cares about that bird so I give them the respect. It is their pet. They are proud of it and want to show it off. Let them. Support them. Maybe along the way they will see different breeds and get into those as well.

And there is a difference between joking and bashing. My silkies are called toilet bowl brushes. My daughter calles them pillows. That is joking and not ment to offend. But messages sent pm saying that people are wasting their time, money etc raising a certain breed...that is so uncalled for.

We are here to support each other. Not to make people feel bad for having certain breeds. I'm to the point I will pm certain members for info. This is sad because I KNOW there is a wealth of info here. And I'm not the only one who thinks this.

In short, blow off the bad and take the good. As adults we are supposed to be setting a good example for the kids. The new chicken raisers. We all have great things to pass to them and each other.