Dealing with emotions of a botched kill

simular... the ones for chickens and rabbits only has a pin.. you pull it back, push the button and the pin in the front shoots out. I believe the one for pigs and other larger animals shoot bullet like pellets.
https://www.siepmann.net/Kaninchen_Betäubungsgerät_DICK.html
The one I've seen is a bolt, that is pulled back, then fired. It stays attached to the device. But that was also in a show from a while ago, so I'm not sure if those are still what's used
 
You always see the grandma going out to kill a chicken with an axe, but they never show you the process. The axe process isn't as accurate as it seems, as we all plan on taking the head off right above the neck. You do not have to worry about, you can even cut the neck midway and then separate the head from the remainder of the neck. I personally use a sharp and accurately and finely go straight for the jugular.
Sorry for the rant.
 
Today we processed our Rainbow Rangers. Typically my husband chops the heads off with an axe and we both process. He does it because he's stronger and also has accuracy from splitting wood since he was a kid. However, I mentioned to him that I feel I should also participate in the kill part so I have that skill. I wasn't confident in my accuracy or strength with an axe so I brought up the broomstick method and was even discussing it on BYC this week. I watched videos and mentally prepared myself.

When it came down to it, I went to get a shovel for the broomstick method, and my husband said he thought that was really inhumane. He said he thought I could do the axe just fine because I am strong and exercise. I'm a pushover and agreed, and I took a couple light practice swings before getting the bird. Then, when the bird was down, I took a hard swing and... it was too low on the neck! I screamed. I never scream. I quickly took another swing and most of the head came off. I had to take a third until it was fully beheaded. I got the chicken into the bucket as quickly as I could. I was absolutely mortified and breathing heavy after the experience. My heart's beating quicker just typing this.

I feel absolutely horrible. The whole reason I raise my own chickens is because of how inhumane the slaughterhouses and large scale chicken farms can be, yet I botched a kill and possibly made the chicken suffer! I guess it's hard to know for sure if he suffered because I think the first swing did break his neck (I saw it while eviscerating) and he didn't react in any way I could tell, but I really have no way of knowing. I feel awful if he suffered.

Have any of you ever botched a kill like this? Were you able to forgive yourself? What can I do next time to better prepare myself to participate in this part of the harvesting process?
I just axed my first rooster half an hour ago and had to come on here to see how I could do this better. We live in the country in Oregon and our internet sucks. I could not see any of the photos, but I'll catch up with your post next month when our connection is better. I had to put down my favorite rooster several months ago because he became paralyzed. I used the bar across the neck and pulled up. It was horrible. I couldn't tell if his neck had broken, I kept pulling but he was just still flapping. He finally became still and I sat down and cried for a good ten minutes.
The rest of the 13 chickens are 7 hens and 6 roos. One roo is the father and 11 of the others are the incubated eggs of his mate. That resulted in 6 hens and 5 roosters. They just hit 5-6 months and are causing a ruckus all day, every day. My hens are a mess trying to stay hidden from 3 of the 5 roos. I finally had it this afternoon and told Al that I was ready. We've talked about this for weeks but I just couldn't imagine killing one of the chicks I incubated and held for 2 months. We cornered one of the offenders and I carried it over. Al ended being the one who swung the axe while I held him still. It wasn't great. The axe wasn't sharp enough and it was hard to decapitate him through the feathers. I did the hot water and cold water and plucking and then skinned him (we buy boneless/skinless, so it made sense.) I got on here right after I got done plucking and skinning, just to see if there was something else I can do to make it easier and I found your letter, which is just exactly my feelings. I am now a chicken farmer and I need to be able to do this for the good of the farm and for our food. I am going to try several different methods of culling and get better at skinning. These chickens have been hand reared, hand fed, have a great life and I have done nothing more for the last 6 months than to cater to them. They are now full blown chickens and roosters and I am going to remember that this is just the beginning of my life as a full blown farmer. Thank you for your letter and starting this amazing thread. The letters in response have been so full of support and information. My first culled rooster is bagged in the fridge. It's not so pretty, but it will make a great soup. My best to you and all the responders to your letter, what a great support group.
 
I just axed my first rooster half an hour ago and had to come on here to see how I could do this better. We live in the country in Oregon and our internet sucks. I could not see any of the photos, but I'll catch up with your post next month when our connection is better. I had to put down my favorite rooster several months ago because he became paralyzed. I used the bar across the neck and pulled up. It was horrible. I couldn't tell if his neck had broken, I kept pulling but he was just still flapping. He finally became still and I sat down and cried for a good ten minutes.
The rest of the 13 chickens are 7 hens and 6 roos. One roo is the father and 11 of the others are the incubated eggs of his mate. That resulted in 6 hens and 5 roosters. They just hit 5-6 months and are causing a ruckus all day, every day. My hens are a mess trying to stay hidden from 3 of the 5 roos. I finally had it this afternoon and told Al that I was ready. We've talked about this for weeks but I just couldn't imagine killing one of the chicks I incubated and held for 2 months. We cornered one of the offenders and I carried it over. Al ended being the one who swung the axe while I held him still. It wasn't great. The axe wasn't sharp enough and it was hard to decapitate him through the feathers. I did the hot water and cold water and plucking and then skinned him (we buy boneless/skinless, so it made sense.) I got on here right after I got done plucking and skinning, just to see if there was something else I can do to make it easier and I found your letter, which is just exactly my feelings. I am now a chicken farmer and I need to be able to do this for the good of the farm and for our food. I am going to try several different methods of culling and get better at skinning. These chickens have been hand reared, hand fed, have a great life and I have done nothing more for the last 6 months than to cater to them. They are now full blown chickens and roosters and I am going to remember that this is just the beginning of my life as a full blown farmer. Thank you for your letter and starting this amazing thread. The letters in response have been so full of support and information. My first culled rooster is bagged in the fridge. It's not so pretty, but it will make a great soup. My best to you and all the responders to your letter, what a great support group.
As NatJ said you don't need to pluck if you are going to skin them. I skin them and part them out most of the time. It really isn't easy processing your babies. I would be a little worried about myself if I found it easy. But in the end they have such a great life compared to the ones from the store. They actually get to live and be chickens. If you decide to use the hatchet method again definitely sharpen it. I have a grinder so I sharpen mine right before I process them as I too had to hit multiple times once and it made it more traumatic. Good for you though! It sucks but I feel like it is well worth it knowing you raised them and gave them the best possible life before eating them.
 
As NatJ said you don't need to pluck if you are going to skin them. I skin them and part them out most of the time. It really isn't easy processing your babies. I would be a little worried about myself if I found it easy. But in the end they have such a great life compared to the ones from the store. They actually get to live and be chickens. If you decide to use the hatchet method again definitely sharpen it. I have a grinder so I sharpen mine right before I process them as I too had to hit multiple times once and it made it more traumatic. Good for you though! It sucks but I feel like it is well worth it knowing you raised them and gave them the best possible life before eating them.
 
Thanks for that. I'm going to watch a couple more videos specifically on culling roosters and see about not plucking before skinning. I have 3-4 more roosters to go...
If you have skinned any other kind of animal, the process is rather similar.
It is also quite similar to skinning after plucking, except that you still have feathers on the skin. The feathers make it a little harder to see what you are doing, but I feel that they also make it easier to hold onto the skin (not as slippery.)
 
I just axed my first rooster half an hour ago and had to come on here to see how I could do this better. We live in the country in Oregon and our internet sucks. I could not see any of the photos, but I'll catch up with your post next month when our connection is better. I had to put down my favorite rooster several months ago because he became paralyzed. I used the bar across the neck and pulled up. It was horrible. I couldn't tell if his neck had broken, I kept pulling but he was just still flapping. He finally became still and I sat down and cried for a good ten minutes.
The rest of the 13 chickens are 7 hens and 6 roos. One roo is the father and 11 of the others are the incubated eggs of his mate. That resulted in 6 hens and 5 roosters. They just hit 5-6 months and are causing a ruckus all day, every day. My hens are a mess trying to stay hidden from 3 of the 5 roos. I finally had it this afternoon and told Al that I was ready. We've talked about this for weeks but I just couldn't imagine killing one of the chicks I incubated and held for 2 months. We cornered one of the offenders and I carried it over. Al ended being the one who swung the axe while I held him still. It wasn't great. The axe wasn't sharp enough and it was hard to decapitate him through the feathers. I did the hot water and cold water and plucking and then skinned him (we buy boneless/skinless, so it made sense.) I got on here right after I got done plucking and skinning, just to see if there was something else I can do to make it easier and I found your letter, which is just exactly my feelings. I am now a chicken farmer and I need to be able to do this for the good of the farm and for our food. I am going to try several different methods of culling and get better at skinning. These chickens have been hand reared, hand fed, have a great life and I have done nothing more for the last 6 months than to cater to them. They are now full blown chickens and roosters and I am going to remember that this is just the beginning of my life as a full blown farmer. Thank you for your letter and starting this amazing thread. The letters in response have been so full of support and information. My first culled rooster is bagged in the fridge. It's not so pretty, but it will make a great soup. My best to you and all the responders to your letter, what a great support group.
Sorry you had to cull your favorite rooster. It happens, and is one of the hard parts of chicken keeping. I had a favorite rooster turn mean around 1 year old, and processing him was one of the hardest things I've had to do yet, but I couldn't allow him to attack my children. I cried the whole time. I still miss him from when he was nice. His contributions made awesome BBQ and pea soup.
 

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