Funny fart stories: you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll gag!!

[the1much]

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spend some time in jail,,,,, it fixes that problem

 

[luvmychicknkids]

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spend some time in jail,,,,, it fixes that problem

Hey, this has honestly been one of my largest motivating factors for behaving myself most of my life!!! Every time I hear of someone being arrested I think OMG, how will they ever go poop!!!!!!!

 

[TheOLDNewChick]

Oh. My. GOD!
You guys have had me ROLLING.
Is there something wrong with me? I'm lovin' reading these.

I'm really shy when it comes to using the bathroom, too. I literally have like an anxiety attack when having to pop a squat in a public restroom...or anywhere but my house, for that matter.

I'm bad about sneaking them out and walking away. I can't think of really bad stories involving myself as of right now *knocking on wood*. I know there's got to be a few...so I'll let you know when I think of something.

Until then, please keep them coming. I needed the laughs.

 

[HennysMom]

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have TEARS reading these!

I have one - but its from DH - not myself LOL! DH is a sneaky devil...*ohhh man....Shivers* those Silent but deadlies will get you every time! One night - on the couch, we're sitting watching TV bundled up in the blanket together, he on one end..me on the other...cat is stretched out on the floor in front of us near our feet, blanket close to him... and DH lets go... we (cat and myself) never heard it coming. THE GREEN FOG HIT and my head immediately turns one way...and the nose starts. "Sniff Sniff" WHAT in GODS NAME is that SMELL?!! Does the cat have a "passenger" on him? Grab him and check his butt -OMG!" *holding breath* DH is sitting there looking all innocent and says "What?"

Well about that time..I threw the covers back..and the cat must've smelled it..because HE got up and started scratching on the carpet like there was poop!! ROFLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!

HE WAS TRYING TO COVER UP IMAGINARY DOO-DOO!

DH is in fits by this time and I'm yelling "You are SICK! you even made the poor cat think HE did it!"

Men... LOL!

 

[the1much]

my 6 year old girl burps so freakin bad,, it smells worse then a fart

 

[FrenchHen]

I've learned the hard way not to eat beans before Irish Dance class.

 

[debilorrah]

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[mychickensrock]

Oh my goodness, y'all have me laughing so hard that I'm crying. Mascara is running down my face. I have to share my stories. First, DD has been a "gassy girl" since the day she was born. She's 8 and can put a grown man to shame! She admitted to us the other day that she secretly likes to smell peoples farts. Where did I go wrong?! Well when she was a baby, I was changing her diaper and she had a wet fart that blew right on my face. My eyes! My eyes! Lord, help me! My DH was dying laughing. He was laughing so hard that he was useless in helping me find something to wipe my face. EEEEWWWWW!!! My other story is a few years ago, DH and I were chaperones on a youth mission trip to North Pole, AK. We were driving from Anchorage to Fairbanks. LONG DRIVE! One particular guy sampled some of the local cuisine (reindeer sausage). A few hours into the trip, the sausage decided not to agree with him so much. He let one go, and the smell wafted to the front of the van where I was. Now, I was already getting a wee bit car sick. When that toxic cloud came forward, I made DH pull the van over and I stood on the side of the highway dry heaving because of it. There was another van in our group, and they were kind enough to pull over too and video tape me heaving. OMG I have never smelled anything so bad in my life!

 

[Henrietta23]

One my friends is a yoga instructor. She teaches classes in our church hall. When you get a little relaxed and into some strange positions these things happen. It's bad enough when you go to church with all these people and this happens in front of the, but when one of them is actually the priest????

 

[sunnychooks]

I just spent the last several days not opening this thread.
Must... Not... Look... At... Fart... Stories...

Well, the ol' "Train Wreck Syndrome" got the better of me and after 13 pages of having tears streaming down my cheeks here's mine.

I was in the 7th or 8th grade and the classroom was really quiet. I had to sneeze, but when I sneezed a fart came out the other end. No one really noticed, but a boy in my class, Carl, yelled out, "Hey, Jan just farted and sneezed to cover it up!". Of course, I said, "I DID NOT", but started laughing so hard I couldn't convincingly defend myself. The whole classroom erupted into laughter. The teacher tried to tell everyone to quiet down but she was laughing so hard she couldn't. The class had a bad case of the giggles for the rest of that period.