Funny Fart Stories

[MochaDuck]

One time I was at a friend's house, and we had bean soup for supper. Well, we all know what happens when you eat beans. I had bad gas pains and had to fart, but didn't want to fart right near everybody. So I thought, "I'll just walk over there (away from everyone), let an SBD, let it air out, and come back. No one will notice!" So I walked over *BLLLLRRRRPPPP*. I was the only one over there, so everyone instantly looked at me. I was so embarrassed until it was complimented, then I was better.

 

[drumstick diva]

My older sister is silent but deadly. She is also totally capable of not registering the slightest bit of embarassment . She is especially good at cutting loose when we are all sitting together in a restaurant.

Whereas when I am shopping and feel an outburst coming on, I warn friends/family to walk far a head of me. If I'm alone I go down an unoccupied aisle briskly and leave that for whomever comes next. Kind of like a phantom fart. They don't know where it came from.

 

[drumstick diva]

BTW bookstores seem to have quite a few books on the "gas letting," experience. I remember the first one "The Book of Farts." I read it before going to bed and was laughing hysterically- kept the whole household up.

 

[drumstick diva]

If you can take one more. Our first dog used to fart a lot think it was because of the 10cent cans of Strongheart we fed him. My allowance was only 35 cents a week

Anyway when he did pass gas(often) he would turn around ,investigate, and bite his tail.

 

[drumstick diva]

PS Then we would loudly chant "OOOOO Bruce(dog's name)" and he would hide away.
He still left a fragrant (?) aroma with his passing.

 

[drumstick diva]

Ok I'm done for now. I know members can get badges for their articles. If they ever give badges for "Interesting," posts I'd be a shoe-in.

 

[pertnear09]

About 15 or so years ago I was sitting on my front porch with my cat laying curled up at my feet. Suddenly I broke wind pretty loudly which prompted the cat to turn and stare at me for a few seconds before laying laying her head back down. After a few more seconds she turned and looked at me again with the strangest look on her face and got up and walked away.

 

[shawluvsbirds]

When my ex husband and I bought a new car. . he was super thrilled about the child safety lock on the drivers side door panel. It enabled him to break wind in the car, roll the windows up and lock them.
Ok it was funny the first time . . .beyond that not so much.

 

[shawluvsbirds]

Remember when it was considered unacceptable to hear a woman pass gas?

A female co-worker once told me a story of her (then)12 year old daughter cutting up and purposely ripping a big one at the dinner table.
Co-worker said her husband was so appalled and angry he got beet red in the face and couldn't even speak for a minute. .everyone suddenly got real quiet realising he was ticked.
When he finally blew up he exclaimed. .
WELL I NEVER.
YOU. . YOU. . YOU. . .
JUST GO TO YOUR ROOM.
I HAVE NEVER EVEN HEARD YOUR MOTHER FART!!!

 

[MochaDuck]

Remember when it was considered unacceptable to hear a woman pass gas?

A female co-worker once told me a story of her (then)12 year old daughter cutting up and purposely ripping a big one at the dinner table.
Co-worker said her husband was so appalled and angry he got beet red in the face and couldn't even speak for a minute. .everyone suddenly got real quiet realising he was ticked.
When he finally blew up he exclaimed. .
WELL I NEVER.
YOU. . YOU. . YOU. . .
JUST GO TO YOUR ROOM.
I HAVE NEVER EVEN HEARD YOUR MOTHER FART!!!

Poor kid! She just needed to let a little SBD out