Col Edward H R Green
Hatching
- Nov 17, 2022
- 1
- 0
- 1
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you:
Ode to Flatus Maximus
Oh! I can put a hog to shame
and blow a house apart
whenever I stop to grin and grunt
and launch a stinking fart!
" 'tis inspired!", some folks cry;
" 'tis genius!, others think
as they listen to and comment on
my fart's sound--and its STINK!!
No one can fail to marvel at the way I execute
my farts that put to shame other anal trumpets of repute!
First, I choose a medium that will give voice to my poop:
In air, it shouts "POO-OOM!";
while in water, "BLOOPLE-BLOOP!"
Next, I eat a lot of cabbage that will fill my gut with gas.
The retention will require every muscle in my a**!
I enter a room wherein I stand in the middle of a crowd,
and with a grunt, I issue forth a fart long, clear, and LOUD!
The sound my a** emits quakes the floor with a thund'rous boom,
while each of Its sonic waves leaves a brown stain 'round the room.
Strong men retch; women scream; and all the children yell
as their nostrils are assaulted by the deadly, putrid smell.
They try to flee, but futilely, for the fainted block the door--
all as I'd planned!--while my gut signals me that it's time for an encore!
As I scan the room and grin with glee at the havoc I caused when I farted,
I say to myself, "Now brace yourselves, folks, for I'm just getting started!"
Ode to Flatus Maximus
Oh! I can put a hog to shame
and blow a house apart
whenever I stop to grin and grunt
and launch a stinking fart!
" 'tis inspired!", some folks cry;
" 'tis genius!, others think
as they listen to and comment on
my fart's sound--and its STINK!!
No one can fail to marvel at the way I execute
my farts that put to shame other anal trumpets of repute!
First, I choose a medium that will give voice to my poop:
In air, it shouts "POO-OOM!";
while in water, "BLOOPLE-BLOOP!"
Next, I eat a lot of cabbage that will fill my gut with gas.
The retention will require every muscle in my a**!
I enter a room wherein I stand in the middle of a crowd,
and with a grunt, I issue forth a fart long, clear, and LOUD!
The sound my a** emits quakes the floor with a thund'rous boom,
while each of Its sonic waves leaves a brown stain 'round the room.
Strong men retch; women scream; and all the children yell
as their nostrils are assaulted by the deadly, putrid smell.
They try to flee, but futilely, for the fainted block the door--
all as I'd planned!--while my gut signals me that it's time for an encore!
As I scan the room and grin with glee at the havoc I caused when I farted,
I say to myself, "Now brace yourselves, folks, for I'm just getting started!"
