Giving up a child?

[sfw2]

I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time. I can't imagine.

 

[magnolia-1971]

I am sorry for your situation. I hope and pray things will get better.

Thats all, no words of wisdom, just hope for happiness for you!

 

[mulewagon]

oesdog, I check this thread every day, hoping for news. Hoping now for better news...

 

[EweSheep]

Onesdog, that would be an excellent idea to drop him off to the social workers house and get a taste of him what he is really like! Make it a week! He might go on his best behavior!

 

[b.hromada]

I have just finished reading all the posts in this thread. I can't say I understand what you are going through, as I have never been there. I can offer up my prayers for you and your family though. I pray you find the right place for your beautiful son, Danny. I am going to subscribe to this thread also, to keep posted.

My heart goes out to you and your family.

 

[RHRanch]

oesdog - I am curious, do you get any respite help/in home assistance? If you don't, is there some way to get some help in (at least just for now" because I can tell that you and your husband are exhausted and need some time off, even if its just for a few hours... It could really help in the meantime as you are searching for a more permanent solution.

 

[oesdog]

The only res-bite we get is from our own family - Social services have given us funding to "pay our own kids" to care for their sibling. Which turns us into employers so then we have to sort all of that on top of care issues. It ADDS to stress we are not trained accountants or wages clerks and neither do we want to be WE ARE PARENTS!, it doesn;t give us options to go away or out as a family unit and certainly changes the dimanics of the family unit. For example now if Danny needs changed instead of someone "offering to help" it churns up a deal of confussion - "are we getting paid for this or not?" How on earth can one work as a proper family having that going on???? Folk who get proper care for their disabled person would still get the odd bit of help from members of the family purly based on love, care and respect - but Social services I guess killed that one off in our home. Anyhow the other siblings are moving away. Our boy is going to be moving to France and our girl is finishing her Uni digree with thoughts of settling in America after because her partner has duel citizenship. Our lads partner is French so they want to settle there to start their family as she wants to be near her mother which is only right. That means we will have NO care at all in a few months. Everything is a big Do it yourself excersize. There are NO services for young adult disabled here. DH says he used to trust Cameron the prime minister - because he had a disabled child but sadly that child died poor thing. Now DH says Cameron buried his own son so he doesn;t have the problem anymore and therefore Sxd the rest of us.

I am so cross right now and really tired. Went to see another organization who do the care for Ben the other twin. We asked them to look into care for Dan 3 months ago. When we got to the place the lady had "forgotten to do anything about it" !!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh She also said we would have to get a care manager assigned?????? Why ??? Agh!!!!!!! She actually told us to go away and talk to our MP( Like we have time and energy to go dashing about after these folk?) She also said we should put an add in the paper. Like we want an untrained person we don;t know alone in our house with our child??????? ( We want proper serivces from Ahhhhhhhh a registered vetted organization with properly trained staff !!!! ) Maybe they want us to Police check them and train them as well??? DIY do it yourself and buqqer off !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fact is No one wants Danny.

Much as I love Danny deeply sometimes I think why did they bother to keep him alive in the special care baby unit if they don;t want him???? ( I so understand now why some parents flipped out and put a pillow over their kids faces!) Why put all that effort and money into these babies if they are not going to offer longterm care and support???? Sometimes I think why didn;t they just turn the machines off and let him die then so he didn;t grow up and cause them problems??? Fact is they are cute when babies, pittied when children and forgotten as adults. He has indeed became a burden on himself, his family and society in general - we are sent mixed messages of "lets keep these kids alive" ( because we can;t be seen to let babies die) - to - "oh it survived, my God what do we do with them and their parents now??????" How do we shut them up and get rid of them????

I am very low today. - once again the Social services have lied and lied and lied to us.

Oesdog

 

[mulewagon]

oesdog, honey, many hugs.

I feel for you - it's the same way here.

There does seem to be one possibility. So Social Services will pay for home aides if you find them? True, you don't need random people. But can you hire someone from his Care Centre on weekends or evenings? (I used to go home with a client on weekends, under such an arrangement.) Also if you are near a college with a special education teaching program, you could hire their students. You might find someone there who's interested and sympathetic, and regards it as a learning experience.

And yes, it's absolutely unfair that you should have to find and supervise the aides on top of everything else. But maybe that's some possibility of getting a little help at home.

 

[oesdog]

Thats what we were trying to do this morning thats why we went to see that lady who heads up care in the community here for the other twin. She didn't bother doing anything at all! It isn't that easy to get anyone here as we live in a small fishing village miles from anywhere. Yes we have care funds and that lady has staff but can I get them?????? NO. We are also miles away from any training place so that isn;t going to work either. As for the day centre I already asked there and the only one interested in the extra hours ended up going off on Maternity leave!

I am done in and tired out for sure. I cannot imagine how I got myself so convinced things were going to pan out thins time what with the care centres. Really that is where Danny needs to be. In perminant care rather than in the community because community care doesn;t exist - what did that lady tell us - basically go see your MP and in the meantime advertise int he paper for someone - so back to being a do it yourself excersize - THAT IS NOT WHAT I WANT OR NEED!!! I simply want to be his mom and have PROPER CARE so I can manage! I never signed up to being an employer, accountant , wages clerk, Police peck check organiser, trainer, and interviewer. - No one gave me a free course in doing all these things apparently I should know all this being the parent of a disabled child???? Apparently I should also do it for nothing becuse I brought this burdon into the world!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am ranting !!!!!!!

Oesdog - sorry bad day.

 

[RHRanch]

Perhaps you can place an ad for someone with caregiving experience, or medical training (like nursing, nursing assistants, students studying nursing, etc.) and do background checks, get lots of references, and get a "nanny cam" for his room? Start out slowly until you are more comfortable with your sons new caregivers, sometimes you can get superior care from folks unrelated to the person needing care. There are good people out there. Good luck.