More chicks!

[True Grit]

How sad. The poor girl. I'm so sorry.

 

[welsummerchicks]

Young people can find it very difficult to come to terms with their s. identity.

I wish every young person could understand that 'it gets better'.

Looking back, I realize that friends who are now in their fifties and sixties, had some tough times when they first became aware of their s. identity, but years later, most can look back on a very happy and satisfied life.

I always hope that some day, all young people will realize, it really does get better. Be strong, stay healthy, don't give up, keep seeking out answers to help yourself feel better, take good care of your mental health, life will get better.

 

[drdoolittle]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sometimes people create a acade because they don't think family and friends can handle the truth or would be disappointed in them. It's sad that she felt she had to do what she did.

 

[gritsar]

Sorry for your loss Magic

 

[ChickInDelight]

Keep your own spirits up! Take good care of yourself.

You are a very valuable friend to those that are still living.

Your friends need you!

 

[NYboy]

Magicpigeon I am so sorry, gay teens are 5 times more likely then straight teens to commit suicide. Thats why gay pride pardes are so important. young gay people need to know they are not freaks, Again so sorry!

 

[Lunachick]

I'm so sorry Magicpigeon.

 

[Lunachick]

Quote:
Studies say that most of the time, suicide is due to untreated or under-treated, depression. Many people would disagree - mostly because they think that minimizes the importance of events in a person's life that have made them unhappy. People can feel sympathetic to those who have lost a spouse, boyfriend or job, as the same could happen to them.

It is natural to identify and sympathize with an unhappy, suffering person. You may even hear people say, 'well he had a good reason for suicide'.

Try not to get angry at people who say things like that.

Saying 'oh that person was depressed' can even make family members or friends feel defensive. 'He wasn't depressed - we saw no signs of that!' Well often it IS very hard to detect, and our education simply doesn't teach us expertise in mental health issues...and boy....families go through he** up, down and sideways when a member is seriously depressed.

But that loss or sadness is not the real reason for suicide. Many people lose a spouse or loved one and don't self harm.

The real reason is that depression can make it impossible for a person to find his way out of a sad situation. He literally can't cope. Instead of solutions, his brain simply keeps dragging back to those bad thoughts.

Another lady might go on a shopping spree and complain to friends if a boy deserts her - 'that jerk, forget about him!' She'll seek out her friends and have a good long cry, pen a long angry letter to the boy and rip it up, chug a quart of chocolate icecream and watch 'Sweet Sixteen' on TV. We all have our ways of coping.

But a depressed person may hole up in her room and start to think desperate thoughts. Nothing her friends encourage her to do will really do the trick.

Her brain will keep turning like this: "I'll never be any good. No one will ever love me again. Life will never be good. Life is terrible. Everything is wrong in the world. There is no hope. There is no reason to go on..."

Depression actually affects how a person thinks and solves problems and finds a way to cope. They're not just sad; their thinking processes really are disrupted. No matter what they try, the brain keeps sliding into the same thoughts.

Depression is a medical illness. It is a disease just like diabetes or migraines or seizures are diseases. The difference is that it affects how a person thinks, feels and acts.

How it affects the brain can be seen on modern imaging like PET scans. It is real, it is not a character weakness or a failure to be a good person - a great many people with truly strong character and great morals and high ambitions have had depression. Sometimes it can be so severe that a person cannot even move - it is thought that severe changes in brain chemistry interfere with energy metabolism - they aren't being 'stubborn' - the energy source for each cell in the body actually is affected.

Many, many people feel 'blue' or 'sad' due to the inevitable stresses and strains of life. But depression - especially the kind that really severely disables people, is a very, very different critter.

And many people have mild or brief depression - even though they may feel really awful for a while, it goes away on its own, or with positive thinking.

Many times, when a person gets severely depressed, they will contemplate hurting themselves - or they may suddenly hurt themselves with no warning. When a person is depressed, comments like 'cheer up!' or 'you have to just pull yourself up by your own bootstraps!' just don't help. They can't do that because their brain's thoughts just keep falling into the same patterns.

What can we do?

Parents have an especially tough job. Young people tend to have extreme moods normally, and to make dramatic statements - we've all heard them, 'Oh I'll never love anyone but him! Oh my life is ruined if I can't go to the prom with her! Oh I can never go back to school after Mary made fun of me!' How do we tell the difference between the normal ups and downs of adolescence and young adulthood, and a dangerous illness?

The answer is that we have to get educated. We can contact NAMI and ask questions about specific mental disorders. We can go to support groups, we can talk to friends who are doctors or nurses - we can ask the Practical Nurse at our doctor's office, or even our doctor. We can read books at the library. That education does not need to be expensive - that is open to everyone.

Our schools have let us down severely in one area: they do not teach us enough about mental health issues. We have to learn that on our own.

Parents have the toughest job. There are many old fashioned ideas out there - parents may be afraid of what others will think of them and their parenting skills if word gets out their child has depression. But we have to leave behind old fashioned ideas and be courageous. It's an illness, and it needs treatment. That's all there is to it.

If I could say only one thing to parents, it would be, 'Don't assume a change of behavior or attitude must be due to drugs or alcohol'. Your child could be getting seriously depressed.

The next one would be - 'If your child is drinking or using drugs, don't assume the problem STARTED with the street drugs or alcohol"!

It is very common for young people to hide their problems with drink or street drugs. It's 'cool' but more importantly, it's a way of running away from the problem - drugs or alcohol might dim those unhappy thoughts for a little while. Sadly, these substances can make suicide even more likely - a person loses the ability to 'edit' their thoughts and actions when they are 'high' - they may become impulsive and erratic and hurt themselves, or they may simply get poor judgement - and drive a car fast or do some other dangerous activity.

We can recognize when those home remedies are not working and take action - quickly. We can avoid saying those 'magic words' - 'Oh just cheer up!' - try to replace that with, 'Let's talk - how do you feel, I am here to help'

We can step in when a person is falling deeper and deeper into that abyss of depression. We can insist the person goes to a doctor. We may even have to pick them up and put them in the car, or call the police! They may be way, WAY past 'helping themselves'. We may have to 'get under and lift up' as they say down South.

We can see the danger signs - they vary for each person, but some possibilities are -

A loss of interest in things the person used to enjoy. An 'Oh I don't care any more' attitude. A listlessness, and lack of energy. A lack of drive and ambition. Turning to alcohol or street drugs in an attempt to drown out those dark thoughts.

A change in appetite - eating far more or less. A change in sleeping habits - depression can cause a person to sleep more or not be able to sleep at all. This can go all the way to simply being in bed all day, listlessly doing nothing, or even walking back and forth, wringing the hands and being unable to sit down and rest.

Let's not kid ourselves. Depression does not always look like in a movie - the handsome young tortured artist sitting quietly with his head in his hands, his unfinished poem falling from his hand.

Depression can be awful ugly. A person can be irritable - blowing up without a second's warning. They can go from seeming fine to crying. They can get insulted or offended by the TINIEST THING.

They can seem to get stuck in an unbelievably deep rut! They'll just keep doing and saying the same things over and over - I swear, it's enough to drive everyone else in the family batty. A psychiatrist friend once said, 'Someone in your family has severe depression? Forget about them for a second - YOU need help!!!' Don't just brush that off - it's a lot of stress to deal with serious depression.

He may seem 'lazy' or like he can do things he likes, but not his chores or his work! They may sit for hours in front of the TV or computer.

He may have every reason in the world why 'it's not me, it's everyone else'. He may be able to argue his way out of every attempt to help. He may be sullen, silent, stubborn, or accuse others of causing all his problems.

If he's a teen, it may be a very confusing picture of rebellion rather than obvious depression. Teehs can be deliberately deceptive - if they get an idea in mind to hurt themselves they may deceive others very deliberately, in order to retain the freedom to self harm.

They can seem so stubborn and so unwilling to help themselves. They can be so agitated that they wander aimlessly, just muttering and not doing anything with any direction or plan. They can present a very confusing picture if drugs or alcohol are involved.

A person can even 'see things' or 'hear things' - have hallucinations - if they're severely depressed. Make no mistake - they REALLY do hear or see those things. Their hearing and vision CAN be distorted if they are really severely depressed. It can be awfully hard to sort out if the person is 'high' or not. Depression can cause a really surprsingly varied picture.



Clear present danger -

A sudden lift in mood and declaration that 'everything is fine' is a very common danger sign, though it would seem to be a good sign.

Giving away one's posessions. Talking about 'going away'. Open mention of self harm.

'Talkers don't do it' is a very, very dangerous misconception. So is 'suicide attempts are just about anger or getting attention or punishing others'. No, they're not - suicide attempts and talking about suicide are both very, very common prior to a tragedy. In fact, people very often 'try it on for size' a number of times before making a serious attempt. Don't you ever believe the myth that 'talkers don't do it'.

And don't listen to ANYONE who tells you that. If you as a friend or parent have a queasy feeling in your stomach that something is very wrong, if something sets all your inner alarms and red flags popping, BELIEVE IT.

A person who is planning self harm is in a medical emergency the same as a person who was just in a bad car accident or is drowning in a swimming pool. Their life is in danger. Take them to the emergency room of a hospital NOW.

WOW I have to say, you certainly nailed that one down. I have a daughter that suffers with depression. Are you a therapist? Or just well learned?

 

[Kschwartz]

So sorry for your loss!

 

[sonew123]

Quote:
Studies say that most of the time, suicide is due to untreated or under-treated, depression. Many people would disagree - mostly because they think that minimizes the importance of events in a person's life that have made them unhappy. People can feel sympathetic to those who have lost a spouse, boyfriend or job, as the same could happen to them.

It is natural to identify and sympathize with an unhappy, suffering person. You may even hear people say, 'well he had a good reason for suicide'.

Try not to get angry at people who say things like that.

Saying 'oh that person was depressed' can even make family members or friends feel defensive. 'He wasn't depressed - we saw no signs of that!' Well often it IS very hard to detect, and our education simply doesn't teach us expertise in mental health issues...and boy....families go through he** up, down and sideways when a member is seriously depressed.

But that loss or sadness is not the real reason for suicide. Many people lose a spouse or loved one and don't self harm.

The real reason is that depression can make it impossible for a person to find his way out of a sad situation. He literally can't cope. Instead of solutions, his brain simply keeps dragging back to those bad thoughts.

Another lady might go on a shopping spree and complain to friends if a boy deserts her - 'that jerk, forget about him!' She'll seek out her friends and have a good long cry, pen a long angry letter to the boy and rip it up, chug a quart of chocolate icecream and watch 'Sweet Sixteen' on TV. We all have our ways of coping.

But a depressed person may hole up in her room and start to think desperate thoughts. Nothing her friends encourage her to do will really do the trick.

Her brain will keep turning like this: "I'll never be any good. No one will ever love me again. Life will never be good. Life is terrible. Everything is wrong in the world. There is no hope. There is no reason to go on..."

Depression actually affects how a person thinks and solves problems and finds a way to cope. They're not just sad; their thinking processes really are disrupted. No matter what they try, the brain keeps sliding into the same thoughts.

Depression is a medical illness. It is a disease just like diabetes or migraines or seizures are diseases. The difference is that it affects how a person thinks, feels and acts.

How it affects the brain can be seen on modern imaging like PET scans. It is real, it is not a character weakness or a failure to be a good person - a great many people with truly strong character and great morals and high ambitions have had depression. Sometimes it can be so severe that a person cannot even move - it is thought that severe changes in brain chemistry interfere with energy metabolism - they aren't being 'stubborn' - the energy source for each cell in the body actually is affected.

Many, many people feel 'blue' or 'sad' due to the inevitable stresses and strains of life. But depression - especially the kind that really severely disables people, is a very, very different critter.

And many people have mild or brief depression - even though they may feel really awful for a while, it goes away on its own, or with positive thinking.

Many times, when a person gets severely depressed, they will contemplate hurting themselves - or they may suddenly hurt themselves with no warning. When a person is depressed, comments like 'cheer up!' or 'you have to just pull yourself up by your own bootstraps!' just don't help. They can't do that because their brain's thoughts just keep falling into the same patterns.

What can we do?

Parents have an especially tough job. Young people tend to have extreme moods normally, and to make dramatic statements - we've all heard them, 'Oh I'll never love anyone but him! Oh my life is ruined if I can't go to the prom with her! Oh I can never go back to school after Mary made fun of me!' How do we tell the difference between the normal ups and downs of adolescence and young adulthood, and a dangerous illness?

The answer is that we have to get educated. We can contact NAMI and ask questions about specific mental disorders. We can go to support groups, we can talk to friends who are doctors or nurses - we can ask the Practical Nurse at our doctor's office, or even our doctor. We can read books at the library. That education does not need to be expensive - that is open to everyone.

Our schools have let us down severely in one area: they do not teach us enough about mental health issues. We have to learn that on our own.

Parents have the toughest job. There are many old fashioned ideas out there - parents may be afraid of what others will think of them and their parenting skills if word gets out their child has depression. But we have to leave behind old fashioned ideas and be courageous. It's an illness, and it needs treatment. That's all there is to it.

If I could say only one thing to parents, it would be, 'Don't assume a change of behavior or attitude must be due to drugs or alcohol'. Your child could be getting seriously depressed.

The next one would be - 'If your child is drinking or using drugs, don't assume the problem STARTED with the street drugs or alcohol"!

It is very common for young people to hide their problems with drink or street drugs. It's 'cool' but more importantly, it's a way of running away from the problem - drugs or alcohol might dim those unhappy thoughts for a little while. Sadly, these substances can make suicide even more likely - a person loses the ability to 'edit' their thoughts and actions when they are 'high' - they may become impulsive and erratic and hurt themselves, or they may simply get poor judgement - and drive a car fast or do some other dangerous activity.

We can recognize when those home remedies are not working and take action - quickly. We can avoid saying those 'magic words' - 'Oh just cheer up!' - try to replace that with, 'Let's talk - how do you feel, I am here to help'

We can step in when a person is falling deeper and deeper into that abyss of depression. We can insist the person goes to a doctor. We may even have to pick them up and put them in the car, or call the police! They may be way, WAY past 'helping themselves'. We may have to 'get under and lift up' as they say down South.

We can see the danger signs - they vary for each person, but some possibilities are -

A loss of interest in things the person used to enjoy. An 'Oh I don't care any more' attitude. A listlessness, and lack of energy. A lack of drive and ambition. Turning to alcohol or street drugs in an attempt to drown out those dark thoughts.

A change in appetite - eating far more or less. A change in sleeping habits - depression can cause a person to sleep more or not be able to sleep at all. This can go all the way to simply being in bed all day, listlessly doing nothing, or even walking back and forth, wringing the hands and being unable to sit down and rest.

Let's not kid ourselves. Depression does not always look like in a movie - the handsome young tortured artist sitting quietly with his head in his hands, his unfinished poem falling from his hand.

Depression can be awful ugly. A person can be irritable - blowing up without a second's warning. They can go from seeming fine to crying. They can get insulted or offended by the TINIEST THING.

They can seem to get stuck in an unbelievably deep rut! They'll just keep doing and saying the same things over and over - I swear, it's enough to drive everyone else in the family batty. A psychiatrist friend once said, 'Someone in your family has severe depression? Forget about them for a second - YOU need help!!!' Don't just brush that off - it's a lot of stress to deal with serious depression.

He may seem 'lazy' or like he can do things he likes, but not his chores or his work! They may sit for hours in front of the TV or computer.

He may have every reason in the world why 'it's not me, it's everyone else'. He may be able to argue his way out of every attempt to help. He may be sullen, silent, stubborn, or accuse others of causing all his problems.

If he's a teen, it may be a very confusing picture of rebellion rather than obvious depression. Teehs can be deliberately deceptive - if they get an idea in mind to hurt themselves they may deceive others very deliberately, in order to retain the freedom to self harm.

They can seem so stubborn and so unwilling to help themselves. They can be so agitated that they wander aimlessly, just muttering and not doing anything with any direction or plan. They can present a very confusing picture if drugs or alcohol are involved.

A person can even 'see things' or 'hear things' - have hallucinations - if they're severely depressed. Make no mistake - they REALLY do hear or see those things. Their hearing and vision CAN be distorted if they are really severely depressed. It can be awfully hard to sort out if the person is 'high' or not. Depression can cause a really surprsingly varied picture.



Clear present danger -

A sudden lift in mood and declaration that 'everything is fine' is a very common danger sign, though it would seem to be a good sign.

Giving away one's posessions. Talking about 'going away'. Open mention of self harm.

'Talkers don't do it' is a very, very dangerous misconception. So is 'suicide attempts are just about anger or getting attention or punishing others'. No, they're not - suicide attempts and talking about suicide are both very, very common prior to a tragedy. In fact, people very often 'try it on for size' a number of times before making a serious attempt. Don't you ever believe the myth that 'talkers don't do it'.

And don't listen to ANYONE who tells you that. If you as a friend or parent have a queasy feeling in your stomach that something is very wrong, if something sets all your inner alarms and red flags popping, BELIEVE IT.

A person who is planning self harm is in a medical emergency the same as a person who was just in a bad car accident or is drowning in a swimming pool. Their life is in danger. Take them to the emergency room of a hospital NOW.

WOW I have to say, you certainly nailed that one down. I have a daughter that suffers with depression. Are you a therapist? Or just well learned?

That just described my 20yr old nephew to a T. He had been living with me for 4 months until last night-After laying on our couch for 3 days and not speaking to anyone-We had hit rock bottom with him and called his father to come get him and that we couldnt deal with it anymore ( He had been kicked out of his dads and a year later his moms. I went and got him to help in anyway I could-but then he did it to us with his behaviors and attitudes. the final straw was when we found his "stash" of drugs. He broke our #1 rule-no drugs allowed on or around property-There was no screaming and yelling it was matter o factly...I was down at our sponsors bar last night ( we won our softball championships) and he called me sobbing and apologizing for what he put us through. I'm crying he's crying-he was allowed to stay at his dads 1 night! When I got home I found this note on my pillow ( all this went down when we weren't home-) "My dad came to get me and my stuff. I'm ashamed of everything I have put you through. Im thankful for everyone who put up with me this long-I REALLY love you guys-T.
I'm calling him today to make appts for him to speak to professionals to try and help him-first to get him clean second to save his life! Both his parents have tried this in the past-but maybe this time it will work? I know this thread was about a young precious life that was snuffed out- and as incredibly sad as it is-it may have saved another life! Thank you~