Novel writing

[Mr MKK FARMS]

Should I post part of my novel? You guys can tell me if it’s any good.

Sure, that'd be great!

 

[Iuvmychix]

Ok.Ummmm......heres the first page:

It had been eleven days.Eleven long endlessly on stretching days since she left.Right before she got into her car to drive away leaving me behind watching,waiting until she rounded the corner disappearing she had said “It’ll only be a couple of hours.” “Don’t you worry!” Of course I knew the truth.Even then,I had already mastered the art of identifying a liar and lying myself.It was the lone skill I had learned from my mother.If you can call it a skill.It was not the first time my mother had deserted me.In the deepest,darkest part in the back of my mind I already knew it would not be the last time.

I sat there,still as a rock with my head buried deeply in my criss-crossed arms. I had been waiting in that very spot for over three hours. I had been waiting there for my mother to come home.I played the scene over and over in my mind.She would ring the doorbell and I would bound toward the door ripping it open and giving her a big hug and smelling that faint scent of vanilla she always wore.Just as I was playing the scene in my head a final time the phone rang.I gleefully lifted it up expecting it to be my mother saying she would be home in fifteen minutes and “not to worry.”It was my mother. “Hello?” I asked in to the receiver. “Willow……..”She paused a beat too long and I solemnly realized she wasn’t coming home in Fifteen minutes.Or more. “Listen,I’m not coming home today.” “Next week.” “I promise.” My throat constricted. She promised? Of course she promised.Believe me,she has “promised” a lot of things.The question is did she keep her promises? Still,the disappointment crashed down on me. I hear the click and now that she has hung up. No “goodbye”,no “see you soon”.My mother never said those kind of things.

Keep in mind I’m younger than 13 so.....

 

[ederob]

Ok.Ummmm......heres the first page:

It had been eleven days.Eleven long endlessly on stretching days since she left.Right before she got into her car to drive away leaving me behind watching,waiting until she rounded the corner disappearing she had said “It’ll only be a couple of hours.” “Don’t you worry!” Of course I knew the truth.Even then,I had already mastered the art of identifying a liar and lying myself.It was the lone skill I had learned from my mother.If you can call it a skill.It was not the first time my mother had deserted me.In the deepest,darkest part in the back of my mind I already knew it would not be the last time.

I sat there,still as a rock with my head buried deeply in my criss-crossed arms. I had been waiting in that very spot for over three hours. I had been waiting there for my mother to come home.I played the scene over and over in my mind.She would ring the doorbell and I would bound toward the door ripping it open and giving her a big hug and smelling that faint scent of vanilla she always wore.Just as I was playing the scene in my head a final time the phone rang.I gleefully lifted it up expecting it to be my mother saying she would be home in fifteen minutes and “not to worry.”It was my mother. “Hello?” I asked in to the receiver. “Willow……..”She paused a beat too long and I solemnly realized she wasn’t coming home in Fifteen minutes.Or more. “Listen,I’m not coming home today.” “Next week.” “I promise.” My throat constricted. She promised? Of course she promised.Believe me,she has “promised” a lot of things.The question is did she keep her promises? Still,the disappointment crashed down on me. I hear the click and now that she has hung up. No “goodbye”,no “see you soon”.My mother never said those kind of things.

Keep in mind I’m younger than 13 so.....

That is really good!

 

[Iuvmychix]

That is really good!

Really?????????

You would not believe how happy you just made me.

 

[Iuvmychix]

Does anyone have any advice for me?

 

[ederob]

Does anyone have any advice for me?

I might would ad some alliteration.

Really?????????

You would not believe how happy you just made me.

Really. : )

 

[Iuvmychix]

Ok thanks

 

[ederob]

Ok thanks

No problem.

 

[Mr MKK FARMS]

Does anyone have any advice for me?

Well, you made some grammatical mistakes but that is okay.

 

[Iuvmychix]

Well, you made some grammatical mistakes but that is okay.

I know I haven’t had the chance to check for them.Thanks for telling me though. Want to hear more?