Ended Official BYC Mini-contest - Tell us your funniest chicken story and win!

[collingwood]

When I was little I had a little chick and when I was at Kindergarten my chick died and to stop me from being upset before I got home my mum went to the pet shop to get a new one but they only had adults so she bought one of them and when I got home she said that it had grown up when I was gone! This one doesn't count! Because I don't like this one as much as my other story!

 

[collingwood]

I've already said a story but here's another one! Once I was climbing a tree and it was really high! And I heard a noise! At first I thought it was just a magpie or something and then I heard it again and again, again, again! It was kind of like a flap! Flap! Scratch sound! By now I was shaking I was scared because I thought what ever it was would be massive and be able to push me off the tree! I nearly screamed but out of the blue I heard bock! Bock! Bock! And I looked down and there was the rooster! He had followed me up the tree by jumping from branch to branch! I've chosen this story for the competition!

 

[Yowza Wowza]

I've already said a story but here's another one! Once I was climbing a tree and it was really high! And I heard a noise! At first I thought it was just a magpie or something and then I heard it again and again, again, again! It was kind of like a flap! Flap! Scratch sound! By now I was shaking I was scared because I thought what ever it was would be massive and be able to push me off the tree! I nearly screamed but out of the blue I heard bock! Bock! Bock! And I looked down and there was the rooster! He had followed me up the tree by jumping from branch to branch!

( Not to bother you but the contest only accepts one story per member, just letting you know)

 

[collingwood]

Alright thanks! I'll just choose one and edit it to say that I only want this one!

 

[sumi]

Wrote this a year or so ago... it made people laugh


Dear Idiot Chicken –
I steal all the eggs. Those things you insist on sitting on and guarding with your life? Rocks. Seriously. I pulled them out of the garden and threw them under the water spout to keep the erosion down. They will not hatch no matter how much you want them too. Next year (or maybe later this summer if you're still in the mood) when the boys are old enough to do you any good, you can have babies...

And Part II from last February

Dear Jellybean –

Yes, you are a very nice chicken. I understand that you are confused by the weather and think it's spring time. I also understand that right now, you want very badly to be a mama. I fully expect you to be a mama… I got you so you could be a mama.

Guess what? Gathering fallen walnuts into a pile in the corner of the yard and sitting on them will not make you a mother. They are walnuts. Although you share a similar IQ, no matter how diligently you sit on them, they will not turn into babies for you. They don't care if you chase the other chickens away, they don't care how sweetly you purr at them, and they aren't capable of loving you back. Be patient, I will give you some eggs to sit on when it’s actually spring.

I laughed so hard over this, I've got a stitch now. This describes my broodies perfectly: "I want to sit and that looks like an egg, so I sit." You must give the poor thing some fertile eggs come spring and keep us posted, please!

 

[sumi]

I'm not entering, but I want to share a chicken-related incident that just happened that made us laugh. I'm raising 11 very spoiled chicks at the moment and as a treat I give them some cooked eggs now and then. With no less than 3 of my hens broody at the moment, eggs are in short supply, so yes, I went and bought some at the shop for them

(Sjj, don't tell anyone, I actually buy my chickens eggs. To eat. I know I'm crazy)

So anyway, I scrambled 6 of those pale, watery things that passes for eggs and put it down to cool. Within a minute or two my 8yo son starts fussing and tells us someone farted. DH and I both deny it, but he's adamant. I went back to the eggs after a few minutes to give them a stir and here goes DS again... I said to him I don't know what he's smelling, but it's not what he thinks. He insists, he can smell something and to him it smells like a fart... Finally DH twigged what it was. My son was smelling the scrambled eggs

So that's my story. I'm going to go feed my spoiled brats their "chicken farts" now and they'd better enjoy it, because that was the LAST time I bought battery eggs!

 

[zanin]

Last summer my six hens were out free ranging and I was working in the yard. I have two silkies, a Rhode Island Red, two americanas and a black Orpington. As I worked in the yard the girls were close around. We also have several cats which my daughter has rescued and a few of them were playing in the yard as well. The cats don't bother the chickens and all seem to get along quite well. One of the cats (Chloe) however, can be quote annoying with her persistent need for attention. She was in the yard pestering me while I was trying to work. I tried to shoo her away a couple of times without success. Then without warning my bantam white silkie hen stopped foraging and charged at the cat! Penelope persisted until she had chased the cat away from me! Once the cat had gone she went back to looking for bugs. I couldn't believe it! What a good little chicken to "protect" her owner! I felt so honored - but laughed and laughed.

How funny! I was going to write basically the exact same story with my hen, Gracie. She is constantly chasing away wild birds, rabbits, cats and even deer!! She did that exact thing your's did!

So funny. I have the same story as well. My chicken is named Gracie also. My 2 dogs are the chicken eating kind. The 4 of us ran around the coop 100 times one morning. Every time one of the dogs would catch Gracie, I would shout "Drop it". The dog would drop her and then Gracie would ran around the coop again. Around and around we go until one of the dogs would get Gracie again. The "Drop it" command worked over and over again. This continued for sometime! Finally Gracie was too tired to run and I picked her up. My Gracie is a Brown Leghorn.

 

[kyexotics]

My husband knows better than to tell me that. Good for you!!!

Husband, pffft, if my wife ever gave me that green light, it'll be on like donkey kong and I'd have both our bators loaded within minutes(she limits me to 1/2 of one bator thru cold months, argh!)...She knows better than to even joke about it as I'll take it seriously! And hey, I wasn't the one that gave a known impulsive compulsive something he'd fall in love with!

 

[gladyoli]

We have 7 girls. One morning I was awoken to our daughter screaming that the girls had escaped from their pen. I did a chook count and was minus 1 Hilda was no where to be seen. I heard a "cluck" from above my head. There was Hilda on the roof of our house. Only knows what the passing traffic on the way to work thought. Pigs don't fly, but chooks certainly do.
I had a bugger of a time coaxing her off the roof.

 

[Blooie]

This story is not for inclusion in the judging - it kinda walks the line of the rules because it's too long, and it has been posted in another thread on BYC. It's just for reading, and hopefully a giggle or two:

Chickens are a lot like this old lady - not real big on change. I would suggest that you go out after dark and, with as little light and fuss as possible, put them on the roost one at a time. When you put one up there, stand there and pet her quietly for a few minutes until she settles down. Then repeat for the rest. Note : This is one of those rare times in life when a flashlight with drained batteries is your friend - it's dim but trying valiantly to put out a little light, and "a little light" is just about the right amount.

That's the advice I was given. Let me tell you, with 22 chickens (most of which didn't like me much to start with) it turned into an episode of Keystone cops! They were all huddled in a corner in a big pile of feathers. I reached into that pile, not knowing which chicken or which end of said chicken I was grabbing. I put him or her on the roost, petted for a few minutes, then reached for the next one. I got a few up there. Um, for a few minutes. Then it became a game of "Hokey Pokey". You put the Wyandotte on, you put the Orpington next, you grab an Easter Egger and you put it with the rest. You do the Hokey Pokey and you keep on loading more - and that's when they all jump down." <sigh> Admit it, you sang it, didn't you?

So, after a couple of nights out there with frostbitten fingers and much wiser chickens, I gave up. A wise friend said that they'd get up there on their own when they were good and ready. I liked that advice waaay better than the advice I'd been following, so that's what I did. I still did, however, go out and check them every night just to see if they'd actually figured it out.

One night I went out there as usual and shined the dim flashlight on the roost. Nothing. But I got this creepy feeling that something was watching me. I caught just a hair of movement in one of the studs of the coop wall - a dark blob was up there watching me. As the kids say, OMG!! I hot-footed it out of that coop with my heart thudding and at that point realized I'd have no need to use a restroom for the next few hours. But then I kept thinking, "I've got rats in my coop! How am I gonna get those rats out of my coop?" So I ran into the house, grabbed a bright, BRIGHT flashlight, and I went back out there.

I was so brave! I opened the door back up a crack, shined that light where I'd seen that movement and guess what I saw. Not rats, I saw chickens. Chickens roosting in every exposed stud frame in the entire building. Oh, yippee - they were roosting,finally. I got a couple of shaky, not very good photos of them up there and then I went back inside. The heck with it. They were now roosting on 2x4s and if those weren't the ones I'd carefully designed and put up for them then so be it. They'd figure it out when they got to big to fit up there. Me? Well, it took a few weeks for that creepy, something's-gonna-get-me feeling to leave when I'd go out there. But eventually they all started roosting in the right place and they figured it out without my help. Good thing, on accounta after that I'm DONE helping them learn to be chickens