Sometimes we're born into the wrong family **long**

[Laurajean]

Quote:
PLEASE buy Toxic Parents. I'll buy it for you if need be, but you must read it. There is so much that applies to your situation. I still pull it out and read various chapters when I need to remind myself to stay healthy and strong. The thing you just said above about not being able to help your husband is a perfect example of how all this dysfunction infiltrates your life. I am divorced now, but I know I did damage to my marriage because of my "issues". It's very important for you to be whole and at peace with yourself in order for you to be a good role model in the family, your direct family I mean; husband/kids.

I'm glad you got a supportive response from people who understand; we are out here. I wish you the best of luck and if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to PM me.

 

[chawk]

((HUGS)).. Just remember that your mother is a shining example of how NOT to be. Thats what I tell myself every single day. It still hurts sometimes, but remembering that helps. My mother wasn't an alcoholic, but she has a set of issues it would take forever to explain. If I give into the toxic behavior she wins. Best I live my own life away from her. Good luck and I'll say a prayer

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

Quote:
PLEASE buy Toxic Parents. I'll buy it for you if need be, but you must read it. There is so much that applies to your situation. I still pull it out and read various chapters when I need to remind myself to stay healthy and strong. The thing you just said above about not being able to help your husband is a perfect example of how all this dysfunction infiltrates your life. I am divorced now, but I know I did damage to my marriage because of my "issues". It's very important for you to be whole and at peace with yourself in order for you to be a good role model in the family, your direct family I mean; husband/kids.

I'm glad you got a supportive response from people who understand; we are out here. I wish you the best of luck and if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to PM me.

THIS! Agree times 4! Awesome book please buy it!!

http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407 used ones as little as 4 bucks! Worth it!

 

[krcote]

I did not get a chance to read through all the posts but you need to get rid of facebook! The fact that it even enters your post MULTIPLE times should be a GIANT clue! It is not good for you and your family. Imagine a time before facebook- you wouldn't have had half of the issues you wrote about!

 

[Laurajean]

Quote:
This is not really about Facebook. I think I can say with confidence that Facebook has very little to do with the OP's problems. This is a family dynamic that has been going on for years. Facebook is not much different than having a telephone, it's just another form of communication. I happen to agree that she should probably not bother with communicating with them on Facebook, or telephone, etc. But to say she "wouldn't have half the issues that she wrote about" without Facebook is a massive overstatement. The level of dysfunction in this family pre-dates Facebook, I can assure you. Had she substituted Facebook with "phone calls" would we be telling her to get rid of her phone or saying that her having a phone is the problem? The point is she's caught up in a family that doesn't show love or support her, whether they relay this through Facebook or phone or in person doesn't much matter.

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
PLEASE buy Toxic Parents. I'll buy it for you if need be, but you must read it. There is so much that applies to your situation. I still pull it out and read various chapters when I need to remind myself to stay healthy and strong. The thing you just said above about not being able to help your husband is a perfect example of how all this dysfunction infiltrates your life. I am divorced now, but I know I did damage to my marriage because of my "issues". It's very important for you to be whole and at peace with yourself in order for you to be a good role model in the family, your direct family I mean; husband/kids.

I'm glad you got a supportive response from people who understand; we are out here. I wish you the best of luck and if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to PM me.

I need that book too, but it's gonna have to wait til Ken gets a job.

 

[kara_leigh]

Quote:
This is not really about Facebook. I think I can say with confidence that Facebook has very little to do with the OP's problems. This is a family dynamic that has been going on for years. Facebook is not much different than having a telephone, it's just another form of communication. I happen to agree that she should probably not bother with communicating with them on Facebook, or telephone, etc. But to say she "wouldn't have half the issues that she wrote about" without Facebook is a massive overstatement. The level of dysfunction in this family pre-dates Facebook, I can assure you. Had she substituted Facebook with "phone calls" would we be telling her to get rid of her phone or saying that her having a phone is the problem? The point is she's caught up in a family that doesn't show love or support her, whether they relay this through Facebook or phone or in person doesn't much matter.

Thank you. Yes, Facebook really has nothing to do with this. I mentioned the fact that my mother got ticked at me for asking for prayers on Facebook. Other than that I really have no contact with my parents on Facebook. They are only on there to play the games, they don't comment on my pictures or my posts, they don't posts themselves. My mom has had an acct for a couple years and has only posted on her wall twice. I don't think my dad has EVER posted on his wall. They are blocked from seeing my posts and pictures unless I want them to, and that is pretty rare. They have been blocked since my mom got all in a huff. I figure it is my prerogative to post what I want to on Facebook, if they are going to get mad then they just don't have to see it anymore. Simple as that.

I have been having these problems with my parents pretty much my whole life, Facebook has nothing to do with it. Long before Facebook was even though of, my parents got drunk and got mad about something and decided to take it out on me. My dad put me in a choke hold and drug me across the living room while I was screaming. He threw me down on the floor, then kicked me in my side while I was laying there. Then when I got up to run upstairs to my room, he kicked me hard in my butt so I slammed my head into the stairs. Do you think that had anything to do with Facebook????? I could go on and on, but I'd rather not.

btw, this is my 200th post

 

[Laurajean]

Quote:
This is not really about Facebook. I think I can say with confidence that Facebook has very little to do with the OP's problems. This is a family dynamic that has been going on for years. Facebook is not much different than having a telephone, it's just another form of communication. I happen to agree that she should probably not bother with communicating with them on Facebook, or telephone, etc. But to say she "wouldn't have half the issues that she wrote about" without Facebook is a massive overstatement. The level of dysfunction in this family pre-dates Facebook, I can assure you. Had she substituted Facebook with "phone calls" would we be telling her to get rid of her phone or saying that her having a phone is the problem? The point is she's caught up in a family that doesn't show love or support her, whether they relay this through Facebook or phone or in person doesn't much matter.

Thank you. Yes, Facebook really has nothing to do with this. I mentioned the fact that my mother got ticked at me for asking for prayers on Facebook. Other than that I really have no contact with my parents on Facebook. They are only on there to play the games, they don't comment on my pictures or my posts, they don't posts themselves. My mom has had an acct for a couple years and has only posted on her wall twice. I don't think my dad has EVER posted on his wall. They are blocked from seeing my posts and pictures unless I want them to, and that is pretty rare. They have been blocked since my mom got all in a huff. I figure it is my prerogative to post what I want to on Facebook, if they are going to get mad then they just don't have to see it anymore. Simple as that.

I have been having these problems with my parents pretty much my whole life, Facebook has nothing to do with it. Long before Facebook was even though of, my parents got drunk and got mad about something and decided to take it out on me. My dad put me in a choke hold and drug me across the living room while I was screaming. He threw me down on the floor, then kicked me in my side while I was laying there. Then when I got up to run upstairs to my room, he kicked me hard in my butt so I slammed my head into the stairs. Do you think that had anything to do with Facebook????? I could go on and on, but I'd rather not.

Sometimes people come on, half-read and then post. krcote admitted not reading all of the posts. Had it all be read, I'd like to think it was pretty clear that Facebook isn't the root of your problems, LOL. Don't take it personally, most of us have a full understanding of your situation.

 

[whiteflare]

Erasing this because I have no useful advice.

 

[babylady4]

Kara; stay strong!

I have a friend who has a similar relationship with his parents.... but still thinks he can 'fix' the situation........ I wish he would come to the realizations you have and realize he has friends who support him and love him for who he is.

You have gotten great advice.... I think I need to get a copy of that book!