The Dave Leghorn Story~ A Murder Mystery of Epically Punny Proportions

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Officer Jake Sooner is spotted exchanging war stories with one of the national guard as he waits to hear the outcome of his suspension investigation conducted by Infernal Affairs. One reporter overheard these two discussing the likelihood of Smiley Cyrus coming to town, as Officer Sooner wants to show her his impressive tongue and see if he can become her road manager if he earns an indefinite suspension from the Boone Co. PD.



The Blues Brothers Take Two, a Blues Brothers tribute band, will be the entertainment for the Hick town party...shown here dancing it up at the Finkel wedding. (Photo courtesy of Miriam Finkel, mother of the groom)
 
WANTED

Mrs Dominique Bagawk-bagawk

ALIVE & FULLY CONSCIOUS IF POSSIBLE
​
Dr Hoppington would appreciate any information, including details of sightings, that can be submitted.

Profile

Breed: WyandotteXAmeraucana

Parents: Ryan Dot (deceased) & Mary Cana

Gender: Female

Description: Red-gold feathers, locket (containing beak), pink hooded jacket.




Habits: Frequents the DY Inn.

Dominique is a wanted criminal accused of multiple murders and other shady deeds. Please report any sightings. Thankyou.
 
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As more information about Mrs. Bagawk-bagawk comes to light, the investigation for more bodies continues. Late last night, as Inspector Steele patrolled the town, he came across a body covered in dirt and lying face down in a shallow pit. The body was almost unrecognisable, the beak chipped, the feathers plucked and strewn around, and the tail bent. Steele was just beginning to think that the body-finding was over, when he came across another, sad and ill-fated victim.

The finding of the body has led to more drama and mayhem as one citizen identified the victim as his only sister. He was later seen weeping, and refused to be caught on television.
 
The governor is still concerned about the body count in Hicks County and is sending in the National Livestock Guardian Reserves to patrol the county and possibly head off any further murders in the area. ~United Press


Sgt. Lick Larue of the NLGR, shown here surveying his platoon.

The National Eggquirer asked several citizens of Hick and Boone Counties how they were dealing with the huge crime wave washing over their area:

"I don't want to sound chicken, but I'm just terrified to go to the roost each night." ~ Sue T. Kakes, coophen


"I'm tellin' ya, all this murderin' of folks just makes mah feathers stand on end!" ~ Barb A. Cue, featherdresser at the Curl Up and Fry Salon

"You! At least you've GOT feathers...I've been so nervous mine has all fallen OUT!"~ Stu D. Baker, local frycleaner



"It's an outrage and it makes me want to take off my wooden leg and beat someone with it."~Goodie Broode, HCIS teacher
"I feel if we could just find those keys this would all stop."~Mr.&Mrs. Klu Les
 
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Sir Egton John will be attending the Chicks for Change benefit concert, where he will be singing a selection of his hit songs such as Candled in the Wind, Crocodile Plymouth Rock, Leghorn, Rooster Man, Saturday Night's Alright for Cockfighting, Hennie and the Jets, Good-bye Yellow Yolk Road, Pinfeather Wizard and Someone Saved My Life Tonight. ~Sheeple Magazine
 



At 9am today, Captain Steele met with the press to give an update on the Blu-Kote lab and paraphernalia recently confiscated. "We have learned this lab may be connected to a mafia organization known to operate in and out of Thailand. There are some consistencies within this lab and previous labs known to be owned by the mafia organization. We feel we are getting close. We have two new witnesses who are prepared to testify if needed but will remain anonymous for the time being."
Captain Steele went on to talk about the RV they have confiscated believed to have been used for Blu-Kote manufacturing. Officials are testing samples from the RV at this time.

(Pictured: RV similar to the one recently confiscated by authorities)





Dr. Bigcombs has determined that the chicken nuggets fed to chicks last week are indeed chicken nuggets. Dr. Bigcombs assures the community the chicken nuggets were not made of previous student chicks from the schools. In a phone conversation to us, we asked how he could be so sure without DNA testing. Dr. Bigcombs stated, "If you check the roll sheets, none of the students are missing. All students are accounted for. DNA testing would be a waste of time and would be costly for confirming what I can deduce from the roll sheets."
Dr. Bigcombs stated he would not be available for further comment on this case unless something changes.

(Previously acquired picture of Dr. Hohum Bigcombs)
 


A Hick County ISD chick has gone missing. Matilda Blulaycd filed a missing poultry report this morning with the Hick County Police Department for her missing daughter, Suzy Shoes Blulaycd. Due to community worry regarding the chicken nuggets fed to students last week at school, the Hick County PD issued an Amberlink Alert.

(Pictured: Most recent photo of Suzy Shoes Blulaycd)


Mrs. Blulaycd states that Suzy Shoes is slightly more feathered than in the photo she provided. "I nursed my baby through splay foot only to have her taken from me," Mrs. Blulaycd cried. Suzy Shoes Blulaycd will most likely come to her name and enjoys scratching ant piles.

(Pictured: Mrs Blulaycd looks for her missing daughter)


"I can only look so far from the coop. I have five other chicks I'm raising. My husband, Samson, is distraught and wandering the grounds for her. He takes his roosponsibilities seriously and this is weighing heavily on his hackles. He's out searching for her right now.

(Pictured: a distraught father searching for his lost daughter)



Authorities request any sightings to be reported immediately.
YNN
 
Thank you, Mods, for moving the thread to RR!
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I can now go back through and give appropriate applause to all the funny posts folks have submitted here because they've been a delight to read!
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