Why do most people marry?

[chickened]

not sure what happened here.

Quote:

 

[arabianequine]

My perception to this has sadly changed tremendously for the worst after 16 years for me because of my recent situation.

I do feel that love should last forever but I don't think it always does for various reasons.

My "husband" and I of 16 years are not legally married but I consider us to be and so did he this whole time. All of our things of value are in both of our names.

We never got married this whole time because it was better financially for us not too....but also looking back it was really hard raising kids together from previous relationships, with none in common. Almost all of our fighting while raising the kids was due to the kids.

So many issues that I think caused what happened to happen and so hard to describe the way I feel now even though we are still together. My situation got way worse before better and not been quite a month yet since supposedly over. I am no so insecure, I don't always feel loved, needed, or wanted. Each day is different and I have up and down emotions. I try and hope for the best, be happy, and act normal but I am not sure it will ever be that way deep inside me again.

I love him to death and so scared of our future together and of mine with or with out him.

Would I marry now, absolutely not and will I ever to anyone regardless of this situation probably not.

So recent this has happened and I am so hurt that it is hard to sit here and type this and not be crying.

I know still communication is an issue but what can I do when he don't want to talk about it and just easier to act like everything is fine. When in fact I am now not fine. I wish I had a counselor I could talk too.

So no nothing is forever imo now. I will never see anything like this again because of this happening.

Do you guys think that most people who are in love fall out of love eventually, or is it something that should "stay with" forever...?

 

[sourland]

AE, is there anyone you trust that you can talk this out with. Sometimes a non involved person can add clarity to a situation.

 

[arabianequine]

Not really...my mom but she sounds normal on the phone but her memory and health our getting pretty bad. So by the time I talk to the next time she does not remember usually.

Something else I forgot to mention was that my husbands most complaint was my son/his kids wanting them out of the house and this all happens after my son the last child to move out had been gone 6 months.

AE, is there anyone you trust that you can talk this out with. Sometimes a non involved person can add clarity to a situation.

 

[quercus21]

I went to bed drunk, and woke up married.

30+ years later of history, 2 kids etc.......

Honestly, she's my best friend, puts up with me, laughs at my jokes, stomachs my cooking, always up for a adventure, high school romance. I trust her as much as she trusts me. A close friend who passed away, referred to us as "soul mates". I think we would still be together even if we weren't "married".

 

[HeatherLynn]

To me, that "in love" feeling should stay for as long as the two people are together. Once one person "falls out" of that feeling, then their marriage or relationship in general is in trouble. It's not something that either should force. It should be a natural feeling that does not stay stagnant but grows as the two people grow. Rather they should grow together and not grow apart.
This comes from a person who is going to get married this year...Actually, we could stay not married and be happy (as we have been for the past several years). But, my parents are very conservative and they want us to get married. We have already lived together and that is actually easier and better than living alone. Sometimes I think, "What would my life be like if we hadn't met? If we weren't together?" And really, I can't think of my life any other way. We have been through so many things together, I would love to have him there with me to make many more memories. We just think of the wedding day as a ceremony to legally say we are married. But, we have lived out those marriage vows throughout the time we've been together.

And just because that " in love" feeling stops for a while does not mean that it cannot be rekindled. My husband and I drifted at one point. It was inevitable. Too many working hours, too much time fulfilling every tiny thing the kids wanted, zero time for us. It was a very hard time for us both but instead of looking to others or looking for easy fixes we made a long term committment to bring it back. Whats great is if you are best friends, if you do care for and love one another then even when the " in love" feeling wanes things are not broken. They are broken when you quit trying. It does take an awful lot of maintenance to keep a marriage going and even more to make it a happy one.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

Quote: Yep, it was for you. This is called personal choice. It is generally awesome. Just not when it starts encroaching into "my way is the only way territory.


On being 'in love', some relationships never have it and never need it. It generally becomes an issue when one person thinks it is there, and another does not. As far as staying in love though, there was a really neat study that covered brain waves. They found that certain people had their brains light up when they saw their loved ones...I think it was in the same region as meeting a new person. I can't remember. At any rate, they found those people generally rated their relationship as being extremely positive, and consistently strong in passion without the usual waxing and waning. I'll try to find it. It's fascinating to me to find out how the physiological areas of our lives meet with the experiences that shape our reality. To wonder what it is exactly that, out of all the people I've met from all the continents I've lived in, why my husband is the only person I've met who I feel the way I feel about. To be able to enjoy the experience regardless. Relationships are so personal yet cultural, similar and different, that it never bores me to explore them.

Oh, and something else that is really interesting to me that I haven't heard mention of...which is more important to you? Quality of years, or quantity? I know so many people who stay together to 'avoid the failure of divorce', and just sit there and tear into each other the entire time you see them. It is so uncomfortable. I love seeing elderly couples kissing and holding hands after long marriages, but I also love seeing people who lovingly enjoy whatever length of time they have together, or who know when to call it quits. Sometimes the two go hand in hand, sometimes not. It's actually one of the reasons why my husband and I celebrate our 'relationship', not our 'anniversay'. How about you guys?

 

[EweSheep]

Doesn't love waxes and wanes?

 

[sourland]

HeatherLynn is right on the money about the ups and downs in any long term relationship and the WORK involved in maintaining a relationship. Perhaps we need a thread about why/how people stay together for extended periods of time? (Read that as forever.)

 

[EweSheep]

Sourland, you almost have to talk to couples that has been married for a very long time.

My parents been married for 46 years, will be 47 in a few weeks. They did have a happy marriage until my mother went to the hospital on Christmas Day and stayed for two days. After that, she was never the same. Cold, reserved and very demanding and very unsatisfied. A real B, you might say. How my Dad put up with it? I do not know but it grieves me that they always had a happy marriage even they had their ups and downs. I certainly hope hubby and I would NOT be like that in our golden years.