Why does my mother hate what I do?!!

[GD91]

Christ.

I started raising my own animals for meat & eggs in the UK.
Currently I have 2 doe rabbits, jumbo quail & chickens.

Basically after a recent phone call from my mother, I told her how I managed to make a lovely stew from one of our unwanted cockerels that couldn't be sold.

Her Response?

"Oh god no, YOU HAVE TO STOP DOING THIS, ITS CRUEL! HOW COULD YOU?!? I mean it, you have to stop it or you will have the animal welfare people on you."

"No I won't, they are killed humanely."

"It doesn't matter its cruel! I didn't bring you up to behave like this" (I'm mid twenties btw"

So of course we got in a big argument about where on earth does she think her chicken comes from that she buys in a shop. I'd just got to the point of saying "Mum, do you actually know how they raise & kill those birds?" When she slammed the phone down on me.

Sheesh, this is why I moved out away from her, she's just crazy! If she doesn't like the answer, she just cuts you off. I made it perfectly clear to her I was going ahead with raising my own animals even when she told me not to a year ago.

Yet if she doesn't bring it up to argue about, she just moans & argues about something else.

My DH just shook his head & told me to take no notice, she's just being silly, but every time I try to get on with my mother in one way or another it just blows up.

I'm generally quite practical, where as she believes in the government & capitalism.

I think anything people do different is generally great, she scoffs them for trying to be different.

I mean, I believe everyone in the world could benefit from being granted a large garden & being permitted to raise their own vegetables & animals & build what they like.
It certainly makes you consider your dinner more because you have to decide whether or not you really want to kill the animal for dinner.

My mother thinks everyone should buy from the shop where the food is "proper" & anything less is "common". Also, she would never in a million years kill her own dinner.

Its like she's brainwashed or conditioned to society (she's not terribly smart) & I seriously dread it when she phones cooing about the latest "fad" or "Gossip" that I both dislike & have zero interest in at all. We just have nothing at all in common.
I'm a cheerful girl who likes working, gardening, DIY & housework until she rings & then she just moans about her life & talks about the church & it all just depresses me then to.
She works part time for the council which is a well paying job, but she isn't happy.

Every time I suggest she does something to make herself happy she just won't. Now she is Depressed, but she has been depressed for about 20 years & on tablets for it.

My father said to her many times "Well, with your views its no wonder your depressed all the time."
(They have been divorced a long time because of her attitude according to my dad)



I'm wondering when is she ever going to get better.

Anyone else with the mother from hell?

 

[donrae]

To the above post, Yep, you are lucky indeed to have a supportive mum

I do try not to speak to her about the animals, but she asks..... and to be frank I'm not one to hide gory details from delicate ears, if you understand where I'm coming from?

Its a shame she can't just ring up & say "Hi love, how are you?"

Instead I pick up the phone to the demand "So, WHY haven't you been to see me!?!"

What the hell, she came to visit me once in 18 months since I left home & she lives a 20 minute walk away.....

I ,meanwhile, used to visit her every month at least until I finally stopped about 6 months ago. It just isn't worth the hassle to say the least.

I would develop mysterious phone connection issues. My phone would only work when I was spoken to in a respectful fashion. If I was greeted with that, my darn phone, all with a mind of it's own, would disconnect the caller. I've done this with other folks, it can take a long time for them to figure it out but keeping my blood pressure down is worth it.

 

[Arielle]

Quote: I'm with you!! Apparently it is an age thing-- by middle age we don't take the crap anymore and boot a few slugs out of our lives. lol I did a little booting this year for some relationships and have developed other relationships to be a little closer. I like life a little better now.

GD-- you might reconsider putting the bloody gore out there-- I have found most people cannot handle it. Even when talking to a chef-- meat needs to arrive chilled and ready to go. Most people have no relationship with the process from animal to roast . . . might save yourself some angst to hold back . . . . I usually don't tell people I dess my own birds because of the look of horror or the look of " you must be cuckoo"

My husband gets to talk to my mother these days-- for some reason her emails are not getting thru. Fate or malfunction-- IDK.

 

[LRH97]

When we started butchering our chickens, my mother and sister flew off the handle with the cruel/inhumane nonsense as well. So what I did was showed them pictures of the HUGE poultry plants where birds sit in nests all day for eggs or are in huge crowded buildings with not even enough room to move around. We then took a nice stroll out to my meat bird pen and made a comparison between the two. I mean it's agriculture and unfortunately, we must kill to eat meat. Meat from the store most likely comes from these huge mass productions facilities. The beef and pork plants are particularly upsetting to me. The meat in the store may be treated and processed properly, but the majority of the animals that died to feed us were not treated so well. That's why I like to buy locally.

 

[Arielle]

You can do like have done with my mother-- hang up on her until she behaves nicely.

You are doing fine by your animals-- and they are much healthier for you to eat. This week the news reported that commercial poultry in the US has 1-3 strains of antibiotic resistant strains-- didn't catch the % exactly, but it was high and recommended though cooking. BUt what about all the wrapping that is contaiminated?? Another good reason to produce your own meat and eggs.

 

[conny63malies]

Start emailing her links to videos and bug her why she could eat poorly treated and inhumane slaughtered animals. I don't have a crazy mother. But my mother in laws lies could fill books. I also have other family who thinks we are total hicks for wanting to be more self sufficient. Cwtches to you and good luck

 

[GD91]

Thanks for all your replies, I'm already feeling better.

Is it really so unusual to raise your own meat though. I mean, you don't hear about people with allotments suffering abuse for "murdering" their vegetables.

Wow, society must really brainwash some people...

Anyway, what I think my mother hates the most is the fact that I'm trying to make a better life for myself & my family. If that means upsetting her visions of a perfect capitalist society, then tough.
Lets face it, the time I spend raising my animals would just be turned into time working to pay for them if they were shop bought.

And I much prefer spending my time looking at welfare issues, Health checking each animal individually everyday, spending time on here writing to you all, managing feed & costs & coming up with new housing designs & enrichment ideas for the animals. It sure beats working longer hours

Plus the animals bring the garden to life!

Our garden has never looked better since its been full of animals!

 

[donrae]

After reading this, I just texted my mom and told her how much I love her.

Sometimes I forget how lucky I am, that not everyone has a mother that is totally supportive.

 

[Arielle]

GD, glad you are feeling better. I pick and choose who I talk to about butchering my own stock-- most people don't get it as they walk to the local grocery to pick up the cuts they want. GLad you are providing good clean meats for your family!!

 

[Bitterroot]

Anyone else with the mother from hell?

Yup. That's why we haven't spoken in years. She refuses to treat me as a grown woman, and I refuse to continue to be emotionally tortured by the relationship. The last few years, that I cut out the negative people, have been the best of my life.