Why does my mother hate what I do?!!

[GD91]

To the above post, Yep, you are lucky indeed to have a supportive mum

I do try not to speak to her about the animals, but she asks..... and to be frank I'm not one to hide gory details from delicate ears, if you understand where I'm coming from?

Its a shame she can't just ring up & say "Hi love, how are you?"

Instead I pick up the phone to the demand "So, WHY haven't you been to see me!?!"

What the hell, she came to visit me once in 18 months since I left home & she lives a 20 minute walk away.....

I ,meanwhile, used to visit her every month at least until I finally stopped about 6 months ago. It just isn't worth the hassle to say the least.

 

[Triple Willow]

And my 85 year old mom was just asking WHY I haven't got out there and killed a rabbit and cooked it for her along with some biscuits and gravy. LOL But there are things that we do completely disagree on and I guess always will. Oh well.

 

[Triple Willow]

GD91... You are doing the right thing so don't worry about it. Refuse to participate in the arguement.

Good luck to you and God bless you.

 

[Bitterroot]

Its a shame she can't just ring up & say "Hi love, how are you?"

Instead I pick up the phone to the demand "So, WHY haven't you been to see me!?!"

What the hell, she came to visit me once in 18 months since I left home & she lives a 20 minute walk away.....

I ,meanwhile, used to visit her every month at least until I finally stopped about 6 months ago. It just isn't worth the hassle to say the least.

That sounds SO familiar. I don't miss the passive aggressive phone calls and the snarky backhanded remarks at family holiday get-togethers. Way too old for the high school behavior, and since I only get one go at life I'm not planning on lying on my deathbed wishing I'd spent more time living life and less time trying to placate family who will never be happy.

Best of luck, sweetie. I know it ain't easy.

 

[GD91]

Wow, all these replies. I'm stunned!

Ok, I won't "Put it out there" in future

except to those who bug me & so I would love to see the looks of horror.

Hopefully they will imagine: Oh, she can chop the head off a chicken with a machete... What will she do to me if I piss her off?!

I still feel disappointed though by how disconnected we are from our food. I know some of us here have proven we can kill to eat, but what happens to the rest of the population if we have some major global disaster or the food companies hit a standstill for some reason...?

Is a few thousand people going to kill to feed millions in the west?
Because we would be expected to because its what we do & the survivors would want meat, but wouldn't be able to bear to kill it.

So they would turn to us with "Can you do it for me?"

We could all make a fortune

Of course it will never happen.... If it does I'm guessing some people may just starve to save a chickens life after eating all the factory birds in the past.

But, that's another topic...

 

[Triple Willow]

Wow, all these replies. I'm stunned!

Ok, I won't "Put it out there" in future except to those who bug me & so I would love to see the looks of horror.

Hopefully they will imagine: Oh, she can chop the head off a chicken with a machete... What will she do to me if I piss her off?!  

I still feel disappointed though by how disconnected we are from our food. I know some of us here have proven we can kill to eat, but what happens to the rest of the population if we have some major global disaster or the food companies hit a standstill for some reason...?
A lot of DUMB people will die. lol
Is a few thousand people going to kill to feed millions in the west?
Because we would be expected to because its what we do & the survivors would want meat, but wouldn't be able to bear to kill it.

So they would turn to us with "Can you do it for me?"
Some will die of starvation, others will die from stupidity when they try to steal what other people have.
We could all make a fortune

Of course it will never happen.... If it does I'm guessing some people may just starve to save a chickens life after eating all the factory birds in the past.
Dear, it will happen and sooner than you think.
But, that's another topic...

 

[newfoundland]

I don't really think you have the mother from hell do you? If you did she would not even bother getting in touch with you. As others have said you will just have to agree to disagree on this one. I am assuming you are English, as am I. Do you really expect to have a mum that doesn't disapprove of everything, or most things you do? And as for saying 'I love you', English mums of a certain age just do not do that. It helps to remember that most mums bring up their children in the way they were brought up. To show approval might make the child big headed and to tell them you love them was unnecessary since they knew that by the way you looked after them. It sounds to me as though you think her news about her life, for example, the church is tediously boring, and quite often of course, other people's news is. All you have to do is listen politely and accept that other people see things differently from you, which makes neither of you right or wrong, just different. I think you husband is right, just take no notice of the critisism, mums are always trying to improve their children right till the end of their days.

 

[GD91]

I don't really think you have the mother from hell do you? If you did she would not even bother getting in touch with you. As others have said you will just have to agree to disagree on this one. I am assuming you are English, as am I. Do you really expect to have a mum that doesn't disapprove of everything, or most things you do? And as for saying 'I love you', English mums of a certain age just do not do that. It helps to remember that most mums bring up their children in the way they were brought up. To show approval might make the child big headed and to tell them you love them was unnecessary since they knew that by the way you looked after them. It sounds to me as though you think her news about her life, for example, the church is tediously boring, and quite often of course, other people's news is. All you have to do is listen politely and accept that other people see things differently from you, which makes neither of you right or wrong, just different. I think you husband is right, just take no notice of the critisism, mums are always trying to improve their children right till the end of their days.

She is not trying to improve me. Trust me, its not what you put above. Do you seriously think I'd have wrote about it if it was as simple as that?

The only time she phones is when she wants me to do something for her like paint her walls or do her garden.

She starts arguments all the time (not just with me) to the point all our relatives haven't spoken to her in years because of her unfair comments & accusations & she's known as "That crazy *****".

She dumped me on her retired parents when I was one & spent the rest of her time for 11 years drunk at home or on holidays abroad in spain with boyfriends, some of whom were nasty to me & she would just tell me to "go away, you know you wind him up" or "Yeh, well, he doesn't want you here." I was hearing that everytime she turned up dragging the blokes, most of the blokes either didn't like me or were indifferent. My mum always seemed to not like having me around them though because they couldn't do what they wanted which was go out. So I used to get told to "get out to my nans & had to walk the 10 minute journey alone to my nans at the age of 3 1/2 at 9pm at night!

My grandparents used to go ballistic at her & finally it got to the point I was sleeping at theirs even more & when I wasn't with them I was with my dad who tried to claim custody full time, but my mum rejected it because she would have lost her child support.

She tried to injure my dad by pushing him down the stairs when he told her he'd had enough & was leaving because of her temper when I was one year old.

She used to throw things, hit me, swear at me, kick my bedroom door open. My dad found out & came around & would threaten her & take me away for a couple of days until she threatened abduction with the police.

Then later she'd sit and cry about how alone & how sorry she was!

I never drank, never took drugs. I skipped school because i got bullied a lot because I never had anything nice & was scruffy. I spent most of my life keeping as low a profile as possible around her.

For 17 years I put up with it (My dad lost his home, so I couldn't move in with him aged 16, that was the original plan) & then I left when I met my then boyfriend, now husband 5 years ago & he met my mother, she threw one of her tantrums & he just called her a psychopathic ***** & told me I could live with him.


If I seem light - hearted on my previous posts at any point, forgive me, but I cannot stay miserable full time over a thing of the past that just won't stop coming back to haunt my life...

 

[hogster160]

Thanks for all your replies, I'm already feeling better.

Is it really so unusual to raise your own meat though. I mean, you don't hear about people with allotments suffering abuse for "murdering" their vegetables.

Wow, society must really brainwash some people...

Anyway, what I think my mother hates the most is the fact that I'm trying to make a better life for myself & my family. If that means upsetting her visions of a perfect capitalist society, then tough.
Lets face it, the time I spend raising my animals would just be turned into time working to pay for them if they were shop bought.

And I much prefer spending my time looking at welfare issues, Health checking each animal individually everyday, spending time on here writing to you all, managing feed & costs & coming up with new housing designs & enrichment ideas for the animals. It sure beats working longer hours

Plus the animals bring the garden to life!

Our garden has never looked better since its been full of animals!

Hi, I'm one of 5 kids my parents had (4 girls 1 boy in that order). My father taught us kids to fish, hunt, can food and and garden to take care of ourselves. (Dad died in 1996) Out of us 5 kids I am the only one who grows our food. I purchase our beef from my neighbor who raises grass fed beef and butchers them. I raise my meat chickens and have layers and turkeys. I have a huge garden to supply us with food. DH hunts deer and goes fishing. I am into non gmo foods and natural healing properties of grown herbs. I do a lot of DIY. My mom lovingly calls me Mother Earth to her friends and the rest of my family. It makes me proud.

Now this same mom will not eat my eggs or chicken. But the neighbors beef is fine. We purchased my mom and dads property a few years ago. She made me promise I wouldn't kill or butcher any of my animals here at home. I have a sister who is not working, shes a single mom of one. I gave her meat from my freezer, she couldn't eat it. She donated it to the homeless shelter. She finally told me after I offered her more.

Of my 2 other sisters, one will not eat my food and the other will with no worries. My brother too has no worries, but only goes fishing and would rather buy his food from the store. Out of 5 kids 3 have been totally brainwashed and changed by societies way of thinking and are completely dis connected from their food source. My dad taught us all the same things! I just don't understand it. Nor do they understand me. But they are my family and I do love them unconditionally. The good, the bad and the ugly.

We are blessed that we can see the light, imho, and do for ourselves rather than following the "in" atm. I can't wait until I can work my garden this year. I hopefully will have enough compost to do it justice this coming year!

And just remember, no one can get under your skin and make you angry unless you allow it them to. I just had to decide what I was willing to allow and not allow. I have become much happier since I made that decision. Those feeling are yours and yours alone. You have control of them.

After reading this, I just texted my mom and told her how much I love her.

Sometimes I forget how lucky I am, that not everyone has a mother that is totally supportive.

Always a good thing! We should all do this regardless to whether or not our parents/families are supportive. Sometimes it just takes a little effort to remind family members that family is family and we are all different. And that is ok if we are different. We love them regardless to whether we agree or not. Some of my siblings I only see at our family Christmas dinner. It's sad, as 4 of us live in the same 30 mile radius.

I'm with you!! Apparently it is an age thing-- by middle age we don't take the crap anymore and boot a few slugs out of our lives. lol I did a little booting this year for some relationships and have developed other relationships to be a little closer. I like life a little better now.

GD-- you might reconsider putting the bloody gore out there-- I have found most people cannot handle it. Even when talking to a chef-- meat needs to arrive chilled and ready to go. Most people have no relationship with the process from animal to roast . . . might save yourself some angst to hold back . . . . I usually don't tell people I dess my own birds because of the look of horror or the look of " you must be cuckoo"

My husband gets to talk to my mother these days-- for some reason her emails are not getting thru. Fate or malfunction-- IDK.

As my next bday appears in the next 60 days and I reach my ripe old age of "wisdom", I agree with you. I have finally in my life stopped being the second youngest. I'm not the 12 year old you disliked! I am a grown woman whose been married 30 years! I have raised my family well! 3 healthy smart and wonderful kids! I have a wonderful grand child! STOP TREATING ME LIKE A CHILD! I actually had to say that (just last year) to a couple 3 of my sisters who are all older than me by 6+ years! They are my sisters, but, man get over it all ready!

I don't talk to them as I do here. Meaning they don't get the blood and gore truth of a meat eating life. I let them stay in their little world. There are bigger and better battles to fight and win. The all got the talk once. When I was told to grow up and buy my food from the store like everyone else, I decided then and there that I was smarter, willing to do what was needed in my own way. Which is way different they what they are willing to do. I also think its wrong, but they have closed off their minds to reality. I will talk to strangers before I offer more wisdom to them. So we talk of other things. I don't agree with them, but I do love them. And when they are ready, they will ask for the info and I will share my knowledge. But until that time arrives....

Now my children, whom are 24-29 are all able and willing to raise and butcher their food, and take care of their family when crap hits the fan. They are very interested in all that we do. Our couple of acres will provide food for them long after I am gone. I have made sure of it. I have the land, and I pay for it. The land sure pays me back in a beautiful bounty! I sure do love my little piece of heaven!

And my DH gets to talk with his mom. I pass the phone on just to be sure lol! And she sure as "he double hockey" sticks doesn't have my email!

 

[hogster160]

Sorry, duplicate post