Hi, welcome to BYC!Thanks for your description. I'm about to cull my first birds next week and dreaming about it every night. I want to be pragmatic and when i decided to hatch chicks always intended to eat any surplus but it's still hard to actually go through with it.
I haven't started dreaming about it.... yet. But it won't surprise me if I do. Good for you for following through even though it is difficult, especially the first time.
It probably won't be as hard to go through with it as it is to know what the chickens at the super market have been through, for me. But still hard. Aside from just looking at the cone, I have found myself becoming familiar with the sight of the chicken IN the cone as well. Of course I'm not looking to turn cold, but the desensitization of seeing another bird I haven't raised will help when I am faced with it. Weird how I can usually deal with serious situations when I am in them.... until I have to say it out loud. It's like speaking it makes it real. I never expected to learn so much about myself from raising chickens!
And I know there are plenty of videos on the internet, but to me BYC was a place where I feel safe!
Hope your chickens are yummy and all go well for your first culling!