Real Life Dementor

Oh hypochondria, how I hate thee. Why? Because my grandmother is a hypochondriac, and she makes life miserable for those around her.

The holidays are supposed to be a joyful time. But they never are when my grandmother is around. She is like a dementor from Happy Potter, she sucks the very happiness from the air around her. She feeds off your positive feelings until you are left as barren as desert sand. One problem in particular: she thinks she is allergic to cats. I own a cat. While granny is here, my cat must remain locked up in my room, since I have to tend to grandmother constantly because she is so needy. What granny doesn't know is that when she isn't here, cat has free range of the entire house. Cat dander and fur aplenty, since no vacuuming will get it all. In fact, the grandmother's armchair is a favorite place for the cat to sleep. It is a hilarious irony, since during these past few days, grandmother hasn't had any reactive 'episodes' despite sitting in a chair full of cat fur. But the moment I bring my cat downstairs with me just to cuddle in my arms, she has an 'asthma attack', which is purely psychological.

She's a hateful old woman, 87 years old, who has been like this for her entire life, always thinking she is ill with this problem or that. Funnily enough, her 14 different doctors declare her healthy and sound. According to her, they are wrong since every ache or sniffle is a broken bone or pneumonia. She doesn't have asthma, and her lung function is great. Her doctor's just feed her lorazapam, she takes up to 12 a day (can anyone say 'benzodiazepine addiction' twelve times really fast?). She has 'attacks' often, if she consumes something she thinks she is 'allergic' to. Short speak for a small panic attack because she works herself up into tizzy. Yea, of course you're going to have tachycardia when you're freaking out about a little strawberry jam sweetened with splenda (she was fine eating is several times until she bothered to read the ingredients).

Thankfully, she is going home tomorrow. She wonders why people visit so rarely. She drains them of life, makes others feel the misery she creates for herself. There are people who will never be happy in life, and she is one of them. I gave up long ago trying to show her that the glass is half full, since she refuses to believe in such a thing. Being around her for too long just makes me feel so depressed. I know yesterday I was inadvertently getting moody with my sister, because I'd been constantly around that woman's hatefulness for several days. A walk with the dogs and spending time with the chickens made me feel better, but once she is gone, oh it will be amazing.

Some people are like that, yeah, they are.
*hugs* to you for putting up with her.

Thanks, hugs are definitely needed. Just went outside and had a good cry because all her negativity is stressing me out so badly. Tomorrow can't come soon enough.

I've been in your shoes before and my grandmother lived until she was 98! At some point you just have to throw your arms up and walk away!

Just remember you'll miss somthings about her when she's no longer on this earth. Be happy that she's here still physically and mentally. Next time try to engage her in conversation about her past. You'll be amazed the stories they have and it usually pulls them out of some of their funk. Then again she may be unreachable

I say this because my grandmother of 84 is here physically but we are losing her mentally and I wish I had spent more time with her when I was younger. She is and was a CRANKY WOMAN! She runs nurses and staff out of her room.

I have rare moments when she remembers that she can speak english (I don't speak spanish) but even with those it's so hard for her to get past the Parkinsons and Fibro Mialge (to name a few) to be able to understand her. Most of the time she doesn't know who I am and it's very hard for me to visit long without crying. Even though she can be mean to the point of making people around her cry from what she says I still wish I had been able to spend more of the good years together.

All that I am saying is try to get some good memories out of your time together before one of her ailments turns out to be reality

I can understand how you feel, but i would try to soften your heart to her somewhat..

This won't help for this year, but this is how I have handled people like that when I couldn't avoid them. Every time they start whining and complaining, and I do mean every time, I make them tell me something good that happened to them. Repeat as often as necessary. If nothing else it drives them nuts. It also makes them think.

At 87 years of age she is not gonna change. The question is, is there something that you will miss when she finally dies?

I am so sorry, it must be hard because certainly one of your parents must enjoy their mom. Maybe you can find some way to find the things she does as humorous?


I have an uncle, actually a cousin but we have a BIG age difference so he seems more like an uncle, who I really used to look up to as a kid. He was really neat, even promised me a car (his old 240z). I understood when he got rid of the car instead of giving it to me, and I missed him all those years he did not talk to his side of the family, but his last visit...I was ready to drive all 1200 miles just to get him OUT of my house! He had bottles of pills everywhere! I gave him my room-cause he was going to need a private bathroom, I had to keep the dog out of the room cause he had spilled his pills everywhere on the floor (dog did not understand why he could not go in "his" room) He has every illness known to man (in his head) and is the biggest racist I have ever met. He wants to come back and visit, but both my mom and I do not want to host him again. He now thinks my mom "owes" him some part of her house since eons ago my parents borrowed the down payment on the house from his parents. He was already on his own and in a good career and my parents paid back every dime. One of these days before he passes I do need to go visit him, but just for a short time...lol

Oh how I hear ya! Love Harry Potter but never thought of it in terms of my family. My, how it fits! Just don't let her kiss you! I get it, having compassion etc., but sometimes it is just not someone you can be around. period. You can intellectually understand that this behaviour is the expression of their own pain, but emotionally, they are causing you pain and it just can't be tolerated. As someone else said, a lifetime of this is not going to change. But it also doesn't have anything to do with you.