Chronically Late people

[LittleChickenLady]

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I lie and tell people that we need to be places about an hour ahead of when we really need to be there.

I do too! I posted about that earlier about a friend who was always late. Even with people on time I lie by about 15 minutes. Others version of "on time" is just not the same as mine. I like to get there, relax, adjust, whatever. I can't stand scrambling in someplace late with my hair messy and out of breath!

Yeah, my mom is the worst about being late. I hate it. She'll tell me that she'll be somewhere and then show up more than an hour late.

She always has some excuse as to why she's late, but I never buy it. I honestly quit doing things with her much once I moved out.

She's even horrible at getting me back to places when I want to be back. I'll be like, "I can go do this with you as long as I'm home by 5pm so I can have dinner at home" and she'll agree and, sure enough, 5pm rolls around and she's not even close to being ready to leave. I started driving separately or will offer to drive.

 

[Laurajean]

A problem I have with my dad isn't so much being late, but not having a set time. For example, he'll say he's going to stop by my house on Saturday, and I say, "Okay, about what time do you think?" He hates that! He gets all defensive and says "I don't know, when I get there!" I'm thinking, well excuse me that I'd like to know approximately what time my company is arriving!" Geez. Or I'll say, "Call me before you leave" (he's about 45 minutes from me) and he'll call from 2 miles up the road and say "I'll be there in five minutes". He SO doesn't get the point.

 

[SourRoses]

I'm one of the naughty ones

But only minutes!
I too, have said before that I can't feel time passing... and its true! I think I'm doing something that will only be a few minutes and a half hour will go by. Although, I have only been a half hour late somewhere I had promised someone I would be, once! My GF called me up and said her ride home from work had fallen through, and it was only around the corner, so I said I'd be there in a few.... but of course, I had to pee before I left the house.. and when I was washing my hands, I noticed how messy my hair was.. which reminded me of her cute co-worker.. and well, I couldn't just leave it messy! So, I had to get out my flat iron... ohh what about the mascara.. LOL..
Laura... maybe the fellow you were relying on for rides was suffering this kind of dilema?

But, I have to say... from the perspective of a late person... fibbing about what time it is will help you out one time, maybe two.. so you should save it for something important. My mother-dear (love you mother-dear) is on the opposite end of the spectrum from me.. and she regularly likes to exagerate the time on stuff to hurry me up... like "You were in the bathroom for half an hour" (10 mins) or "It's midnight" and I look at the clock and its 11 pm... Hehe.
The end result is rather like the boy who cried wolf.. when we do happen to be going somewhere together, and have agreed on what time we are leaving (standard OP)... if she wonders where I am, and says, "Becky, we have 5 minutes before we need to leave".. I tend to think that means 15 minutes... and most of the it does, or 20.. LOL... but then there are those times when it really means 5 minutes, and then we really are late.
But I'm a perfectionist, about appearance at least, if its not one of those days I am just going out in my jammies... so I like to fill every spare minute up with re-finding the best postion for my hair, make-up and that kind of girly nonsense.
I dont think people like me are really only thinking of themselves or being selfish... I think its just single-mindedness... If you're the type to be really fanatical about doing things a certain way or checking things before you leave the house (animals

).. and there is no one there to remind you that there are other people involved.. you tend to forget about them until your driving down the road.. and thats when I feel bad

But when I'm still alone and getting ready to leave the house, I'm still off in my own little world, maybe making plans for what to pick-up on the way home or whatnot.. and not actually thinking about getting there.

If anything, I think all of the people over the years fussing at me about the time, has traumatized my brain to the point that it wont let me think about time

Hehehe! Maybe we should go back to telling time by the position of the sun... and saying "I'll meet you when the sun has reached its zenith" ??
Nobody spank me please.... I don't like spankies!

 

[redhen]

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Ok so when BYC does a road trip, we will all remember not to annoy Terrielacy with the "are we there yet" song

Forget the song. Just the thought of all of us trapped on a bus together is scaring the heck out of me!

Terrie would be zapping us all the way... we'd be lucky to make it alive.

 

[SourRoses]

What about 'Rudolf the rednosed reindeer' ??
I thought I was really cute for singing that everyday around X-mas... but I only got dog toys lobed at my head...

 

[Mattemma]

If I were late all the time then I would not make plans that required me to be somewhere at a certain time. Unless it was some kind of medical issue I would have a talk with the person.Let them know if they do not come by a certain time you will leave or begin without them.

 

[Royd]

I'm like Gandalf the Wizard. Never late, never early. Always there, when they need me most.

 

[chrisf]

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Redhen said it best......for the chronically late people: buy and wear a watch....If you allow yourself to lose jobs, relationships, events, that is truly pathetic..............................................................................chrisf

 

[welsummerchicks]

Every chronically late person is different and has a different reason for his/her behavior.

Some chronically late people are alcoholics or drug users. The drug/alcohol always takes precedent. It's the most important thing.

Others have undiagnosed medical problems. Heart, hormone, breathing, a good many medical problems can lead to every day defeat - things just don't get done.

One of the most frequent reasons for lateness, I think, is depression. It's like they have 100 lb weights on each leg, they can get very little done, and they often give up halfway through the day and can't do any more. Some people really, really are struggling through every single day. Often they are good at hiding it and no one suspects.

I've seen other reasons for being late - not having much money and driving a chronically about-to-implode car, for example. Having a disabled child.

Some people really do have a lack of organizational skill. They really do not MEAN to be late, but they have problems organizing and completing activities. Some times, this is because they are perfectionist. They keep fussing at things and it takes forever for them to get anything done. Some of them are 'perserverent' - it's a kind of learning disability that makes it very hard for a person to switch from one activity to another. All of these 'disabilities' are rarely to the point where they would 'hit a clinical threshold'. I mean, some really extensive, in depth psychological testing (something few health insurance policies these days would cover) might show a tendency or habit, but it most of the time, won't show any specific medical/psychiatric/psychological disorder.

The most curious reason for being late, I think, is - well - a surprise, I guess. But it is a resentment of authority. Sometimes obvious resentment, sometimes not. Sometimes these people are the nicest folks in the world and there is no obvious resentment on the surface.

The 'authority' doesn't have to be a specific person saying, 'you must go to this wedding'. It's usually a much more general sense of 'have to do'. They resent any sort of social obligations, requirements, formats, standards, anything like that. Typically these are people who had a problem with one or both parents. In my experience it's very often a conflict between the father and the son - the father is bossy, demanding, not affectionate, and often absent. So when young, son gets pushed a lot, even forced, to do things. A lot of times, what I've seen is that the mother isn't as bossy or forceful, and the kid learns to ONLY cooperate when absolutely forced.

This is more severe and chronic than 'normal procrastinating'. It is to the point where they lose jobs and lose relationships. ALL people have a normal amount of putting things off. They're just busy, tired, or have lots to do. This is different. I knew a fellow like that for many, many years. He was very resistant to any sort of requirement, obligation, etc. He refused to go to school, he was always late to any activity (and this was even if he WANTED to go, which was weird, but that was what he did).

You have to protect yourself from the really chronic 'Laters'. There's no point in getting mad at them or lecturing them. Once an adult has a habit, that habit is very, very unlikely to change. And the thing is, when a person has the problem of resenting authority, the whole idea of themselves having a problem is seen as just one more authority telling them what to do!!!! So they are very unlikely to seek out help.

Don't depend on them for a ride, don't depend on them to do any time sensitive task, don't depend on them for anything. Don't fall for the trap of thinking you will change them.

 

[feather and mountain man]

Quote:

I have days I can't remember how old I am let alone remember what time it is or that I am supposed to go somewhere. I forget to eat and forget suddenly where I am and what I am doing.

SO WOULD YOU FORGIVE ME IF I WAS LATE