Clean Blonde Jokes!!!

[Toro]

Three girls just died, one brunette, one redhead, and one blonde. They were standing at the bottom of the stairway to heaven. There are one hundred steps. The devil came and told them he would tell them a joke on every step. If they laughed, he would take them to hell.
On the twentieth step, the brunette laughed and was sent to hell.
On the sixtieth step, the redhead laughed and was sent to hell.
On the one hundreth step, the devil was preparing to tell his final joke when the blonde finally laughed. The devil asked, "Why are you laughing? I haven't even told the joke yet!"
She was still laughing when she said, "I just got the first one!!"

3

 

[kyla]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
He asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, "we'll put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

 

[Matthew3590]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
He asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, "we'll put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

I feel like someone already posted that one.

 

[Malibu99]

My friend told me this one.

What's the easiest way to drown a blonde?



Put a smelly sticker on the bottom of a pool. (another version of the mirror one :3)

 

[Toro]

[FONT=times new roman,helvetica]A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."[/FONT]

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[FONT=times new roman,helvetica]One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"[/FONT]



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[FONT=times new roman,helvetica]There once was a magic mirror which would kill your if you lied to it. One day a brunette was doing her makeup and said to herself "I think I'm the smartest woman ever!" She immediately dropped dead. The next day a redhead was doing her hair and said to herself "I think I'm the prettiest woman alive!" She immediately dropped dead. Finally, the following day, a blond was flossing her teeth. She stopped and said to herself "I think," and dropped dead. [/FONT]

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A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.

When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there".

So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.

So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.

"How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde.

So the man cooly says "Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you're going to have to pay for those holes."

 

[Toro]

[FONT=times new roman,helvetica]An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.

The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.

At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: "How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"[/FONT]

 

[Toro]

[FONT=times new roman,helvetica]A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde robbed a supermarket. As they were stealing, a police officer walked in the store and saw what was happening. He dashed toward them, but they were able to get away into the back of the store. There they found three sacks to hide in. When the police officer checked there, he examined each sack.

He kicks the first bag, and the redhead says "meow" in a high voice. The cop determines that it must only be a cat in that bag, and he moves on to the next.

When he kicks the second bag, the brunette says "woof" in a low voice. The officer determines that it must only be a dog in that bag, so he moves on to the last bag.

He kicks the third bag, and the blonde shouts "potato" to the officer[/FONT]

 

[Toro]

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

 

[Pyxis]

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow 5000 dollars. The loan officer says they will need some kind of collateral for the loan so the blonde hands him the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked at the curb and she has the title. It all checks out, so the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde using a $250,000 Rolls Royce as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee drives the car into the bank's underground parking garage and the blond departs. Two weeks later, the blonde returns and hands over the $5,000 plus interest, which came to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out well for us all, but we did some research and found out you're a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother taking a loan out for $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

As a blonde, I approve this joke

 

[kyla]

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow 5000 dollars. The loan officer says they will need some kind of collateral for the loan so the blonde hands him the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked at the curb and she has the title. It all checks out, so the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde using a $250,000 Rolls Royce as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee drives the car into the bank's underground parking garage and the blond departs. Two weeks later, the blonde returns and hands over the $5,000 plus interest, which came to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out well for us all, but we did some research and found out you're a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother taking a loan out for $5,000?"
The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
As a blonde, I approve this joke

Same here.