Daughter broke up with boyfriend and I'm the one depressed!

[MakelaNJoe]

Unfortunatly as a mother theres nothing we can do about those big ole hearts! lol

 

[connie1966]

So true!

 

[Am I mad 66]

Thanks for putting another perspective to this. It's hard when you're so wrapped up in the here and now to think about what might happen in the future. So glad it worked out for you. Have had our daughter's new boyfriend over tonight, lovely guy and she's so happy. It still hurts but so so much easier than it was.

I always say this, but I so mean it, thanks you everyone on this site. You have all helped. Xx

 

[Mums]

My 25 year old son, who lives away from home in a big city and loves it, was dating a wonderful 28 year old girl. They only dated for about 8 months total, but spent a lot of time together. They visited her family and she visited ours. We all became very close.

Just this past week they went on vacation to a beach town in the south. It seemed as though they were having a great time. Then the day they were leaving to head back to their home city, he texted me to tell me they broke up the night before. I was totally shocked and now I am feeling very depressed.

I realize it was only 8 months, but it seemed every time they were together they both had big smiles and were very loving toward each other.

He has a very successful job and so does she. I know that he's not happy with his career choice though and is seeking other options by going back to school. He said she wanted a commitment from him. She wanted to know that when he's done w/ his graduate degree they will still be together and plan to marry. He says this was too much for him to handle right now because he's not sure what career path he even wants right now. So they broke it off because she wanted a commitment and he wasn't ready to do that.

My head knows I need to support him because if he's not ready to commit it's not fair to lead her on and make her wait...and it's not fair for her to put pressure on him...but my heart is broken. I asked him how he is doing today and he says he's doing great. I have not told him how I feel. I don't want him to think I'm not supporting him.

Is it wrong for me to reach out and message her just to tell her that I think she's a wonderful person and that I'm here if she ever needs to talk? I feel like I need closure but I don't want to make things worse for him...or her.

 

[iluvmybabiez]

No offense I don't know the ex bf, but if she doesn't want him I wouldn't pressure her, and the smart thing to do is not be buddied up to him either.

I have an ex who cheated on me and left me for someone else, boy if that didn't hurt, but what hurts worse is knowing an aunt by marriage still chooses to chat with him even knowing it hurts me. Her excuse for chatting with him -- "you're the one with the problem, I don't have a problem with him, that's between y'all"... So long story short I told her how I felt, and I cut her out of my life.

You need to stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about your daughter, trust her judgment, that was her relationship. I know you liked the dude, but maybe just maybe he was too pushy, or something else was going on.

How would it make you feel let's say if you had a relationship you felt pressured in so you broke it off, but your parents kept chatting him up around you, even after you were done? It don't work, trust me. Her ex will move on, and so will she, it will just cause more drama and heartache in the long run.

I personally would have nothing to do with someone who chooses to befriend my ex, so I know how it feels, it feels like betrayal when a family member is more concerned about an ex than about their flesh and blood.

I'm sure you cared about him, but you need to care about your child more. You don't have to be rude to him, but yes I would definitely pull back if she wants you to.

 

[not again]

So here I am. I first read this thread a year ago when my daughter broke up with her boyfriend because of going to college. I was devistated and heart broken. (And pretty sure I was a little crazy) Connie1966 and the rest of you really helped me through. It took me so much longer to deal with it than either of them. So this past February my daughter started a new relationship. Being older and wiser I stayed out of it. It was easier too because she was away at school. Well this summer she came home and the new bf found an internship in our town and moved here for the summer (in his own apt). So of course he starts hanging out here and having meals with us. And what a great kid he is. Then last Monday night my daughter tells me that they broke up. She is finally facing what I have suspected since jr high, she's gay. I think a lot of my devistation for the first break up was because I was afraid she'd never date a boy again. When she started dating this new ex I was shocked but vowed not to get involved. I broke that vow. Now I'm a mess all over again. Yesterday the new ex came by while she was at work and we talked for 2 hours. They are remaining friends and as devistated as he is he is also being extremely supportive of her. He told me yesterday that he really fell hard for her and even envisioned them being married. So now I'm mourning the loss of this guy (although she goes back to school a month before he does and he was planning on living with us for that month-am I crazy for still considering that?) but additionally I'm mourning the loss of my daughter having a typical life. I'm a complete mess. I can't eat or sleep and all I do is cry. I also can't share this with ANYONE. I feel so alone and crazy. I loved talking to her ex yesterday and I think it helped both of us but in a month he'll go back to school and they won't be together and I'll be completely lost. My husband warned me but I thought I could handle it this time. I'm such an idiot. Also wondering if my 27 year mundane marriage or menopause has to do with some of my emotions. What a mess I am.

 

[MakelaNJoe]

So here I am. I first read this thread a year ago when my daughter broke up with her boyfriend because of going to college. I was devistated and heart broken. (And pretty sure I was a little crazy) Connie1966 and the rest of you really helped me through. It took me so much longer to deal with it than either of them. So this past February my daughter started a new relationship. Being older and wiser I stayed out of it. It was easier too because she was away at school. Well this summer she came home and the new bf found an internship in our town and moved here for the summer (in his own apt). So of course he starts hanging out here and having meals with us. And what a great kid he is. Then last Monday night my daughter tells me that they broke up. She is finally facing what I have suspected since jr high, she's gay. I think a lot of my devistation for the first break up was because I was afraid she'd never date a boy again. When she started dating this new ex I was shocked but vowed not to get involved. I broke that vow. Now I'm a mess all over again. Yesterday the new ex came by while she was at work and we talked for 2 hours. They are remaining friends and as devistated as he is he is also being extremely supportive of her. He told me yesterday that he really fell hard for her and even envisioned them being married. So now I'm mourning the loss of this guy (although she goes back to school a month before he does and he was planning on living with us for that month-am I crazy for still considering that?) but additionally I'm mourning the loss of my daughter having a typical life. I'm a complete mess. I can't eat or sleep and all I do is cry. I also can't share this with ANYONE. I feel so alone and crazy. I loved talking to her ex yesterday and I think it helped both of us but in a month he'll go back to school and they won't be together and I'll be completely lost. My husband warned me but I thought I could handle it this time. I'm such an idiot. Also wondering if my 27 year mundane marriage or menopause has to do with some of my emotions. What a mess I am.

take a breath and relax! unds like you are way to stressed! if your daughter and the ex remain friends i dont see why the two of you cannot remain "friendy" im not saying invite him for thanksgiving but a facebook message isnt goint to hurt anyone, the situation you and your daughter are facing is a difficult one for alot of families he might be the one easiest to talj about it with. also just make sure your daughter has your full support! hormones... they can be a terrible thing cant they? lol! sounds like this has been slowely happening over time so it might take some time before everything is back to "normal". my best thoughts are with you and your family!

 

[connie1966]

Wow poor you! It sucks for sure but im sure menopause has something to do with it its affecting me so much, you have to let him go and the fantasy unfortunatly , as for your daughter you will adapt eventually , my daughters friend was 17 lived with us and eventually came out he wasnt even my son i couldnt accept it i had such a hard time but today hes 24 and happy and i accept him how he is i cant even picture him with a woman at this point, im just happy hes happy! Dont stress to much start focusing on yourself i know its not easy but they have their own lives to live we need to allow them to make their own choices for themselves we cant control everything , try to relax and dont overthink and analyze you will make yourself sick

 

[rbrduckie]

My daughter's boyfriend broke up with her today. I've Breen a mess. She was part of his family, he was part of ours. I adore his parents. I feel like I'm missing a part of my heart tonight. I'm glad I found this sight, I thought I was nuts. My friends just don't get it. We all hung out together all the time. The kids were best friends. I ache.

 

[connie1966]

Oh trust us we know!! Its been two years and not one day goes by that i dont think of him and miss him its not easy for people to understand i guess unless they go through it themselves , it was hell for me in the beggining its better now but im not completely over it so just take it day by day read the older posts and hang in there